Dope with a rope

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Diamondback, Oct 1, 2011.

  1. Diamondback

    Diamondback Well-Known Member

    I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then butcher it and eat it.
    The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bays of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away). It should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
    I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up--3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope.
    The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold.
    The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step toward it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope---, and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on the rope.
    That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and some dignity. A deer -- no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

    A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn- fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off my rope.

    I figured if I just let it go with the rope around its neck, It would likely die slow and painful somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I, I hated the thing, and would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined up in between my truck and the feeder a little trap I had set before and....kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope off.


    They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite someone, so I was very surprised, when I reached up there to grab the rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off then let go.

    A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

    The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead, My method was ineffective.
    It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled the rope loose.
    That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

    Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp...I learned a long time ago that, when an animal-like a horse--strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.
    This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from a horse after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

    Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave, I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw at your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.
    I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away, so now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a sort of even the odds!!! :eek::dontknow:
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 1, 2011
  2. Brisk44

    Brisk44 New Member

    Mar 6, 2011
    That is the funniest thing I've read in ages. Brilliant writing, stupid moves!!!:lmao2::lmao::dontknow::banghead::lmao2:

  3. popgun

    popgun New Member

    Sep 21, 2009
    Man sorry for your pain, but I laughed untill I cried.
  4. watsisname

    watsisname Member

    Jan 24, 2010
  5. marlin795

    marlin795 Well-Known Member

    Aug 11, 2011
    Northern California
  6. geds

    geds New Member

    Mar 27, 2011
    You write like Patrick McManus! How I miss his outdoor stories!

    Thanks for sharing that adventure!
  7. Country101

    Country101 Well-Known Member

    Feb 28, 2004
    NW AR
    Got any pictures? :D

    If you are going to try to rope a deer(which I have occasionally thought of), you have to have the rope tied off to something and have some way to immobilize it besides just you. Deer are way more explosive than cattle. Bet you wish you had somebody there to witness that dont you. Your wife probably would have loved to have been there. :D
  8. Diamondback

    Diamondback Well-Known Member

    Gentlemen, thank you for the accolades. However, I cannot, being an inherently honest man, claim authorship of the above post. It was e-mailed to me. While I appreciate the allusion to Mr. McManus, I have read 10 or 15 of his books, fantastic stories, I am not capable of capturing the humor in a riduculous situation as adroitly as he. I am also aware that deer are not palcid idiots and will not hold still for for such flummery as having a rope dropped around their neck. As with any wild animal they will however climb your frame and leave hoof marks in places you did not know you had. Therefore I am only going to try to get as clean a shot as I can.

    Again thank you, thank you very much.:D :rolleyes:
Similar Threads
Forum Title Date
The Pump House Saloon Dopey Nov 26, 2003
The Pump House Saloon This is what you get when you protest on private property. May 12, 2016
The Pump House Saloon Proper Open Carry Mar 20, 2015
The Pump House Saloon Me, as Investent Property,,, Dec 29, 2014
The Pump House Saloon Europe, please get it right! Oct 8, 2014