Electric Fence

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Big ugly, Sep 6, 2010.

  1. Big ugly

    Big ugly New Member

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    Did I ever tell you all about the time my brother Pee'ed on an electric fence while we were out tree'rat huntin'?
  2. johnlives4christ

    johnlives4christ Former Guest

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    that will give you erection you can't get rid of
  3. TheGunClinger

    TheGunClinger Well-Known Member Supporting Member

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    Did he suffer erectocution?
  4. ofitg

    ofitg New Member

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    That brings back memories.... went hunting with my older brother when we were teenagers, encountered an electric fence. I crawled under the thing, but he tried to step over it. He wasn't quite tall enough, and his family jewels came down on the wire.

    Needless to say, the "lizard" part of his brain took over - he jumped straight up, and then came down on the wire again. And again. And again.
  5. dbrodin

    dbrodin New Member

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    When I was in high school, three of us were helping the grandfather of a friend bring in hay one weekend. The farmhouse was small, so we pitched a tent in the pasture. Having brought a gallon of Bali Hi with us, it was soon time to make room for more. As we lined up back by the fence, the grandson said "don't pee on the fence". One gay asked "why?" and proceed to to so. You've heard the expression "screamed like a girl"? I swear they heard him all the way into town! :D
  6. Big ugly

    Big ugly New Member

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    Well any way my brother pee'ed on an fence while we wre out hunting. He hit the ground holding himself screaming, Any way after about 20 minutes he got to the point where he couldnt walk no more. I had to bodily carry him to the truck and We proceeded to make the 30 minute trip to the emergency room. Once he was seen they took him back into a room and his pants was swollen in the front to the point they had to cut them off em. I left the room at this point but the words reached me through a friend of mine who's wife worked at the hospital that his "Berries" was the size of small oranges. I felt bad for em almost but then, You know it is my brother and it was an electric fence. On a more seriouse note, he still aint had any kids yet.
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2010
  7. ghrit

    ghrit New Member

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    Most of you know I recently set up on a spot of remote land. Anyway, the security arrangements are going slowly but there has been some progress. Thought I ought to relate the most recent experience with the fence I installed last fall.

    A few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the northern part of the county.

    To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence even tho' I have less than one mile. I then used 8 ft. long ground rods, drove 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works. I'm using three.

    Just today, I test ran the mower after dismounting the snow blower, and I see that the hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

    Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 gigavolt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

    Science says you cannot poop and pee at the same time.. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back . It seemed like
    there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

    At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences... But Dad always had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that
    were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rods are now accepting signals from me through the freshly soaked from last night's rain. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

    'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop & pee, and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God please die...pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

    So here I am in early April on wet ground, 80% humidity, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day... He left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

    I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot were the wire had layed while I was on the ground still holding on to it. And, the still frosty grass that was trying to grow where I fell, was also a nice burnt steak color. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things.

    1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

    2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

    3- Poop & pee when mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

    4- My left eye will not open..

    5- My right eye will not close.

    6- The lawnmower runs like a spotted ass ape now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

    7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

    8- I can turn on the TV in the gameroom by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this)

    That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

    The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
  8. 308 at my gate

    308 at my gate New Member

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    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

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  10. Old Grump

    Old Grump New Member

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    Away back in the dark ages when electric fences were only for keeping live stock in the barn and a good sturdy weed growing up to the wire and a little dew could put half of your fence out of commission I was the guy who maintained the fences because I was the only person on the farm who actually liked fencing.

    Standard practice for me was to grab the wire with both hands, take the initial jolt and then I could let go with one hand and do whatever needed doing on the fence. No big deal, just had to remember a few rules like don't do that early in the day or near the crick.

    One day I'm fixing a bottom wire that bends down low over the creek and I was fine till this nest of little red ants decided that my knee on their hill was grounds for war. I leap to my feet hit the top wire, jerked back and slipped down the hill into the creek. Water was good for doing away with the ants and it was cold and that put the fire out but then I came up under the wire I had just strung. I must have yelled but I don't remember that, I just knew after I floated down away from the fence and got out of the creek I had vehicles coming from two directions verging in on me and yelling at me What's wrong, whats wrong? Are you okay?

    Fast forward 5 years I'm back at Navy school in Great Lakes and I bring a buddy home with me for the weekend. We are wandering around between the wooded ridge and the pasture with a couple of 22 rifles shooting targets of opportunity, he decides to take a bladder break. "Careful", says I "that is an electric fence." "That's alright", says he "I won't touch it." and commences with the stream.

    For a man who makes his living maintaining and operating electronic equipment used for controlling ship board weapons he sure had a low tolerance for electricity, and not much common sense for a guy who claimed to be a country boy from Georgia. The cycle on the charger is fairly slow but it wasn't slow enough, he could not move away from there until he was done and I wasn't about to touch a man who was urinating wildly all over the place. I backed away till his bladder was empty and he could back away himself. We never discussed that incident and I didn't mention it while he was there.

    A few weeks later up to the farm again I tell the story and everybody is laughing, almost everybody. Then I find out my brother in law who grew up and worked on the same kind of fencing I did had just done the same exact thing a couple of days earlier. He and my buddy were both redheads, I wonder if that is close enough to blond to get you qualified for blond jokes.

    Sure glad we had them old pansy weak kneed weed burners back then, I'm not sure any of us would have survived some of these new machines on the market today.
  11. jay3534

    jay3534 Member

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    Yes you can pee and poop at the same time. My buddy whizzed on an electric fence and pooped all the way up his back. Made him ride in the back of truck home.
    About ten years ago I had electric fence in the front yard to let horses eat the last of the grass. We had a early ice storm and I live in a sharp banked curve which gets a few people even in the summer. It was around 10 PM and I was putting the horses up when not 1 but 2 guys hit the ditch right behind each other. Seeing my lights ( NONE IN THE FRONT) they decided to walk up to my house - as I was watching they crossed the ditch instead of staying on driveway - before I could shout they both walked into the fence and got tangled in it - thank goodness the fuse on the box blew - they were drunk, confused, thrashing around on the ground, had peed their pants and all I could do is laugh. Before the night was over 3 more went into the ditch but no electric was on for them.
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