english lesson

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by fedupdon, Aug 10, 2009.

  1. fedupdon

    fedupdon New Member

    307
    Jun 3, 2008
    THIS IS GREAT!!! Read all the way to the end................ This took a lot of work to put together!!!



    You think English is easy???

    Read to the end . . . a new twist

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

    2) The farm was used to produce produce .

    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

    10) I did not object to the object.

    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

    13) They were too close to the door to close it.

    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

    18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

    19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

    20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

    PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?


    You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

    There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

    It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?
    At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ?
    Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?
    We call UP our friends.
    And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
    We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
    At other times the little word has real special meaning.
    People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
    To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
    A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP..
    We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

    We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !
    To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.
    In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
    If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.
    It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
    When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .
    When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...
    When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
    When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

    One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP!
    Now it's UP to you what you do with this email.
     
  2. TranterUK

    TranterUK Guest

    I love it, thanks for posting. I love this language. Plus, and it has to be said, if you speak English, you just dont need any other.
     

  3. 308 at my gate

    308 at my gate New Member

    847
    Dec 6, 2008
    Lost in SW USA.
    It would seem to me that the words used are about which context they are put in. Lets not forget about metaphors and oxymorons. It was good reading.
     
  4. fmacsin1

    fmacsin1 New Member

    432
    Oct 25, 2008
    Moosehead Lake, Maine
    This is a great post! I love it and being an English teacher, what a teaching tool! One of my favorites is that the word "cleave" is its own antonym!
     
  5. 38 special

    38 special New Member

    548
    Feb 14, 2009
    fedupon, That is hilarious!
     
  6. Lotsdragon

    Lotsdragon New Member

    812
    Apr 5, 2009
    Potosi, Mo
  7. tscott55

    tscott55 New Member

    5
    Jan 19, 2010
    Texas
    It don't even mention the word pair. A pair of scissors? A pair of shorts?
     
  8. Eddie N

    Eddie N New Member

    Apr 23, 2009
    Colorado
    Marvelous! I think about these things often.
    And don't forget to pare the pear. Or, why do we park our car in a driveway and drive on a parkway?
    OK, I'll stop now.
     
  9. blackcat_attilio

    blackcat_attilio Member

    560
    Dec 16, 2009
    Northern Italy
    Hi Eddie! ...do you understand me now....?! :confused::eek: :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
     
  10. blackcat_attilio

    blackcat_attilio Member

    560
    Dec 16, 2009
    Northern Italy
    Hi Tranter!
    ...'cause is your mother tongue. Try to be in my feet and have to learn it... read also what Eddie N (above) writes : it is NOT so nice even if easyer than russian.
    That's right and real : +1 .

    ;) :) :D :D :D
     
  11. petesusn

    petesusn Member

    I agree that this is really good...but who has the time to think all this UP.
     
  12. Alpo

    Alpo Well-Known Member

    Feb 3, 2007
    NW Florida
    There was an I Love Lucy episode, when she was pregnant. She told Ricky that she didn't want him talking to the baby, because she wanted the baby to learn English correctly. When Ricky got offended, she had him read this book, aloud.

    The story had all these words with OUGH in them. Whenever he came to one, he would pronounce it to rhyme with the preceding one, and, of course, none of them did.

    dough - doe
    through - threw
    rough - ruff
    thought - thot
    Bough - bow
    Brougham - brawm
    Cough - koff
    Hiccough - hikkup
    Hough -hock
    ough -Ugh
     
  13. Eddie N

    Eddie N New Member

    Apr 23, 2009
    Colorado
    It just proves that English is the hardest language to learn. And then, when you throw in the terminology from other parts of the country (US), it's very hard for somebody from other parts of the world to understand.
     
  14. woolleyworm

    woolleyworm Well-Known Member

    Feb 23, 2009
    SW Fort Worth
    Great...... now my brain hurts :D;)
     
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