Ever had to..

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Txquadhunter, Apr 10, 2004.

  1. Txquadhunter

    Txquadhunter Member

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    prepare yourself for something that you wish you never had to? That's what I'm working on dealing with now. Cause I got bad news today on my Mom's battle with cancer. Said she may not make it thru the night or may make it a few weeks. She told us today that her fight in it was done, Now it's up to her and God with the battle. I'm just at a loss on how to prepare myself for it with everything I've over come in the past almost 8yrs since my accident. When I get asked here how am I'm doing with it, I tell the I can't say right now because it hasn't happend. Am I wrong for doing it this way?

    Sorry for asking you guys, But my brain is spinning 100mph not going any where. I needed to talk in some form without them breaking down in front of me. not looking for pitty either just a way to get this off my chest with the most caring and understanding group of people I've met online.
  2. glocknut

    glocknut New Member

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    You have my simpathy......

    Loosing a relative is always hard......even years later.

    I don't believe there is any way to prepare yourself.....

    I think the only variable in the whole equasion(sp)? is how and when will the person mourn the loss...
    Some do most of it up front, some hold it in and do it later....but sooner or later it will catch up to you.....

    10 years and I'm still bothered by the loss of my grandfather....

    I guess it can be a comfort that she is right with God and she will be in a much better place when she passes......

    I friend of mine...in fact in the last few years several friends of mine have passed away......I envy them both.
    Heaven I've been told is a pretty nice place....and I believe it.

    Sorry about your predicament.

    mike
  3. mameral

    mameral New Member

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    I am terribly sorry for your situation.

    Hopefully you can come to terms with your loss, some people take years. As men we are often trained to hold everything in and appear to not show feelings. It is probably much better to deal with what is going on so that the situation isn't compounded.

    Come back anytime you need to talk, there seems to be some very caring folks here.
  4. Xracer

    Xracer *TFF Admin Staff Mediator*

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    Minn-eeee-sota, ya, sure, you bet!
    I lost my mother and my sister in the space of two years. I really know how tough it can be.

    Hang in there......the pain will pass over time.

    I hope you can take some comfort knowing you're in all of our thoughts and prayers.
  5. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

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    TQH, I'm so sorry. We can all say she's going to a better place, she won't have to suffer any more, and you already know that in your mind. But your heart wants her to stay here with you. You're obviously very close to your mother, and it's going to be hard when she goes.

    You say "I tell the I can't say right now because it hasn't happend. Am I wrong for doing it this way?" You're not wrong for doing it this way. None of us knows how we will handle the death of a loved one until we actually have to do it.

    It is important to know that there is no right and wrong way to grieve. Don't feel guilty if you don't cry. Don't be ashamed if you do cry and can't stop. The most important thing is not to try and go it alone. Talk to your friends and loved ones. If you have a church family, lean on them for support. And of course, we your TFF family are always here for you. We will help you in any way we can.

    In time, the pain of losing her will ease and you will be able to remember the good times. Hang on to that promise. It WILL get better.
  6. Shooter45

    Shooter45 *Administrator* Staff Member

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    Tx, I feel your pain. My mother-in-law is dying of Cancer also. She was sent home to die and her Dr. told the family she had maybe, 2 weeks to live.

    Well, that was ten weeks ago. She has good and very bad days but that is to be expected. Only God knows when the time will come. We make her as comfortable as possible and spend all the time we can with her.

    My father-in-law died from a massive heart attack about 4 weeks ago. My wife hasn't had time to mourn because she has been her Mom's caregiver for 5 months.

    We will keep your family in our prayers.
  7. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

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    So sorry to hear about this, TQH.

    There is no special way for anyone as they must find their own and then be comfortable with their grieving. Each person is different and has lived different experiences.

    You can take comfort that she is right with God and you can be assured of where she'll be once she passes over. She will be entirely free of pain and in such a better place that we can rejoice in our sorrow.

    We are all here for you and welcome your sharing. Know that you and your Mom are in our prayers and that out of the pain you feel now will come better things. God has a plan for all of us and we can take comfort in knowing that in the end his plan will triumph in all ways.

    Please keep us advised and continue sharing.
  8. ysacres

    ysacres Well-Known Member

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    My simpathy, TQH
    Remembering that she is going to a better peaceful place, helps!
  9. inplanotx

    inplanotx New Member

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    TQH, I am very sorry for the pain you are feeling. I lost my Mom two years ago and know what you are going through. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. If you need anythng, call me.
  10. BlueTic

    BlueTic New Member

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    Tx - Sorry to hear - I don't know if I have advice or should even try. I lost my Father almost 6 years ago - but it was a sudden thing. I went to a counselor 3 years after cause I could not get my head straight - so it took me awhile - and I do not believe in shrinks (and old thing from when I worked corrections).
    It helps to get your mind clear if you talk to someone you trust - not just a professional but someone who knows grief.....
  11. rosierita

    rosierita New Member

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    :( oh, i'm so sorry for your situation. i havent lost a parent yet & God willing, i wont for quite some time. i'm not sure i can offer much advice or expertise in the matter. i have lost other loved ones that were close to me & i do understand the grief of loosing someone close.:( :( i believe somewhere in the bible it says to mourn those who are being born & to celebrate those who have passed away. maybe looking at it from this perspective would give you a little comfort?:) also, let your mother's peace bring you comfort. she's at peace with this, so keep that in mind. dont try to hide your true feelings!! if you feeling crying your eyes out, DO IT!! if you dont feel like crying, DONT..... when my grandmother passed away, i think i was the only one in that church w/ dry eyes, also, i didnt see her in the funeral home, i stayed away, even though everyone was trying to FORCE me to go. i didnt want to go, so i didnt. while my grandmother was alive, she KNEW i loved her!! i didnt think i was required to make that appearance. once your mother is gone, do what YOU feel you need. dont let someone else force you to do something that you know you'll regret. hang in there & may God grant you the peace & comfort that you need. :)
  12. Txquadhunter

    Txquadhunter Member

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    Thanks for all your prayers Guy's and Gal's.

    The in home Nurse has been here this morning and she said like the rest she's doing great. Just the Nurse that came in yesterday saying all the above. It hit us all wrong. My faith is still full that she'll pull thru this, If she does I got a big fat NANNER! ready for that nurse. but only time will tell

    To the other's who lost someone and has a loved one battling the same yall are in my prayers too.
  13. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

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    That's great news, TQH. Hopefully, the intentions of the nurse yesterday were good in trying to prepare you for the worst, but we are all praying that your mother will pull through. Please keep us posted on her progress, and feel free to unload on us whenever you feel the need. That's what a family is for.
  14. rosierita

    rosierita New Member

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    well that's great new tqh!! :) please keep us posted on how she's doing.:)
    i got a question for you tho! i dont want to offend you, but have ya'll exhausted the natural options yet?? (meaning diet & herbs) i've read some really positive stuff in the past about herbs & certain foods fighting & reversing the effects of cancer. :)
  15. Txquadhunter

    Txquadhunter Member

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    Really just Chemo she started back in mid Oct. The 3 Cancer Dr's that bounced her back and forth, They didn't give her anything to help build her body up during the Treatments. Which a lump formed in her throut where she wasn't able to get any food past it to eat. The Dr's messed around saying they couldn't find anything left her to try to force anything down. I got tired of these Dr's paid out of pocket for another Dr he found the lump and it was shingles in her throut. So at this point he gave her something for the singles and something to keep the cancer dormant until her body builds back up with the add of a feeding tube. We can all see wieght coming back slowly aready and she just got the Tube last friday. As weak as she has gotten and feeding tube works out to build her back up, he thinks the Chemo will finnish off it's job on the cancer.

    So now it's a waiting game to see what happens. Just hopefully no more in-home nurses come in saying like that one, unless it's true. The other nurses keep telling us she's looking better each day. Lots have told us they wouldn't have let her go from the hospital if she's to bad. I told them no because she didn't want to pass in theb hospital, she wanted to be at home if she did. I'm sticking to all her wishes to the T. So we've got a full of the thing-a-ma-jigs she needs in case she don't make it.

    Dr's who just jack around and do nothing but want money p*$$es me off. This Dr I paid out of pocket for has been great. only charged us the $165 office fee, The rest of the few they usually charge for lab and his hospital visit fee he waved and said free of charge and wants to keep seeing her for nothing. To me thats a Dr who cares and not after money. Even thinking about swapping my main Dr over to him for this reason.
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2004
  16. armedandsafe

    armedandsafe Guest

    TQH, I just got on to see the news. Hang in there is about all I can say. I'm saddened by the news of her illness, but the rest of the news sounds good. Some nurses just shouldn't be allowed near patients.

    Prayers on the way.

    Pops
  17. Remington597

    Remington597 Former Guest

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    I know how you feel all too well. My sister has a large cyst removed from her uterus and my mother has very serious side effects on her extremeties from diabetes.
    I guess I should thank God that all I have is an ulcer. If one of them passes away, I don't know how I would handle it. I will pray for you.
  18. rosierita

    rosierita New Member

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    well, sounds like she's improving!! PLEASE keep us updated! i'll be praying too. also, i'm gonna see what i can find for ya, as she continues to improve, maybe these are some things you can do in addition to her current treatment.:) in the mean time, look over this site when you get the chance & see if your dr would work w/ this group. i have heard GOOD things about this organization/ facility. cancer treatment center of america
  19. misiu

    misiu New Member

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    HELLO THQ: I am sorry to hear the news and you and your family are in my thoughts-I lost my father at the age of 17 (heart attack) my step-father 2 years ago slowly slid away from MS and I was with him when he went to the great hunting grounds in the sky, and even though we knew it was coming there is really no way to prepare. My Grandfather whom I loved dearly passed away many years ago and it took him a week longer from the night they told us he wouldn't live through-some people just have to go in their own time-not the doctors. My wife went through breast cancer 7 years ago but fortunately her outlook is excellent.

    I tell you all this so that you can see that I have been through what you are going through and although each of us will handle it differently one of the best things you can do is share your worries and grief with family and friends-that is what they are there for and I found it a great source of comfort.

    I sincerely hope all turns out for you and your family-if there is anything else I can do to help let me know.
  20. Greg

    Greg New Member

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    I am very sorry to hear about your situation. If your mother still has a clear mind, just make sure to tell her anything you need to now, regardless of how things may turn out in the future. Show whatever feelings you need to now, while you can, as later may be too late, and you will regret it. If she has made peace were herself, take comfort in that, and support her and her decisions. She knows you are a loving child of hers, and is proud of you.

    My mother had cancer for many years before finally passing away. I had been stopping by to see her, and unfortunately, I was at work when I got the call from my dad, that I had better get to hospital right away. She passed away moments before arrived, and I never had the chance to tell her goodbye at the last moment. First she had one breast removed (when it was done radically and everything was taken (breast, lymph system, and some muscle). Then she lost her other breast. Then she got cancer in her bone. The best treatment that worked for her was hormone therapy. However, in the end, she ended a woman with no breasts, a large scar on her chest, and facial hair on her face from the hormones. She still looked like my mother to me, but I know it was very hard for her self image, and in feeling like a women towards the end. It was very hard on my dad too, and the money was a nightmare. She was a great mother though, and life was good when we had it to share together. Take joy in the times you did share, and continue to live your life in a way that would make her proud, and serve love given well.

    Best of luck to you, and I will keep your family in my prayers.
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