Fishin Fer Hogs....er?? Finished!! Thud

Discussion in 'The Hunting & Fishing Forum' started by warpig, Feb 24, 2003.

  1. warpig

    warpig Guest

    LIKTOSHOOT
    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 4235
    (3/18/02 6:16:49 pm)
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    Set the stage: This was about 4 years or more ago, when we used to stay 12-14 days at the river for squirrel camp, early October.....the begining of season. Fishing is also done. This will be the story of day 2 of the trip.......


    The second morning brings a cold rain and even in the pitch black of morning doesn`t hide the fact, it`s going to ruin this mornings hunt, SOOOOooooo! With lines already (day before) in the water and wide awake......what the heck!.....unscrew the cap, $HIT...Thats bad!!!!! (A little eye opener...blink-wink-whoa!) Time to break out the dominoes and see if we can become idiots by daylight, but as the stomach turns fast.....from warm houch, the outhouse calls first AND FAST!!

    Freshly douched, we lay out the dominoes and play (mostly drink and lie) X marks the point and light begins to be seen thru the bottle.....the light is dim and we are becoming dimmer too. First light brings the buzz of burning brain cells and the unerving hiss of the coleman lantern, but by God were dry and inside! The flow of BS is strong, much like our breath.....where the dog......er.......er.....snuck in the cabin and did an eVil thing in our mouths that night.

    The daylight brings two things, light and the illuminating fact...we are hammered at 6:45am and it`s time for a nap. Gonna be a long day........


    9:00am comes with that same dog, sneaking around in the cabin.....we have yet to find him or where he comes in. Still in a fog, it may be time for a breakfast meal. A small eye of newt....eye opener brings motivation! BREAKFAST! Two dozen double yokers, three pounds of bacon, two pounds of double HOT hog sausage AND twenty homemade bisquits. Homemade jellies.....Musk`e`dine takes first place here...!!!

    All eight of us fed and bloated, decide another nap would be nice....but theres work to do and that may keep us awake a few hours before our next nap.(see, we do get things done) We lay the floor on cabin #2 and fame in the walls, doors and windows....IN THE RAIN, once again...to drunk to care (hammers and screwguns can be dangerous...handle with care) Ladders are not safe in the mud "ask me"!

    Four lightweights pull up stakes for the afternoon and head home to clean up (panzies) Out come the dominoes, beer and ole#7 gets a work out, bottle number(1/2 gallon) one is turning to vapors. After a few games and being spanked hard (the game, fool) Nap time!

    2:00pm, we find that once again that freaking dog has snuck back into the cabin and deposited something in our mouths. Teeth are sore from continious brushing, but our bodies are nicely numbed. Work detail begins....AGAIN! Cutting back brush and trees for a fire break.....chainsaws blaze up and down it comes. At 4:00pm, I decide to run the lines, since the rain has slacked off.

    I procede to aquire some bait and a portable cooler (FOR BEER...Thats right!) and a small hip flask...containing ole#7 dawn my rubbers.....load up the bait, fire up the muddy-monsterous 4x4 500 Polaris and roar off into the bottoms, a two mile adventure only the brave would fear. Sixty bank poles layed out in sets of ten or twelve in remote places over two miles of river to cover, the river is falling and they have to be moved continuously to keep wet. I bait-I move....I bait-I move.....I bait-I drink..........I drink-I drink.....I do it over and over until darkness sets in.....then with a small flashlight......I finish the last of the poles, have a snort of ole#7 fire up the mud monster and roar back to camp.

    8:00pm back at the camp and the sissy four have returned to feed and drink, cleaned up for the squirrels I guess....
    Not really...there is the yearly soggy bottom fest starting up, up the road. A yearly ho-down that brings people from three states away for dancing, feeding and some of Texas`s best stump water......not to mention Dallas,TX Nurses (NOT MALE) We might be hillbillies..... BUT WE AIN`T STUPID NEITHER!!! LOOKERS....Ya might say....(THE NURSES...FOOL!) Not us!!!!!!!

    Being one of the few married guys....I know not to venture over there....that stump water does things takillya can only dream of. So, I stay in camp with the old fogies and dominoe....and chill out a bit. After playing for some time, I eat and sit by the fire ring, to unwind the day. By 10:00pm, I am rested and bored........SOOOOOOOoooooo, could it be time to check the lines???????? Shall I go pig fishing (though unknown to me...at this time) this would be the camp adventure of day two.

    I load the fish basket (no bait), to bring in anything caught, back.....grab a fresh batteried flashlight and the "River Bitch".....for those of you who have not been introduced to her, I will now do so. The "River Bitch" is just that, to anything that moves after dark......down here......she don`t like!!! So she bitch`s. What is she???

    A 1911 A1 Government Model .45acp that has been run over, thats where the attitude comes from. Her feed ramp has been polished mirror fine and widened like a concrete trucks delivery shute. The slide expanded, not squeezed. A undersized bushing, tapered to lock just at full battery. A commander hammer, with a stoned factory trigger, 3lbs., slick/crisp and stocked with a Wilson 10 rounder, with 230grn FMJ....and one up the pipe. Chamber reworked to digest green ammo.....she eats all, never complains. One extra eight rounder, my flask, fire up the mud beast.....I`M GONE!!!!!!!

    Once again, I blaze down the road....slinging fist size hunks of mud, whizzing by my head like bullets in the dark (colorful, huh) I cut off the main road, into the void of the river bottom tangle.....the spinning tires and engine whine dround out the night creatures sounds.....but I know they are present. They always are. I come to the first set of poles, high and dry, bait in the air, stumble thru the deep river mud to the second set.....same thing. The river has fallen and stabilized.....maybe the deeper holes will produce??? I retreat back to the mud monster and move deeper into the bottoms.

    The next two sets of poles are a muddy example of the same, and wading mud is tiring, knee high suction....each step is fruitless work. Back to the mud monster and deeper still into the bottoms, I go.

    The last two sets of poles are marked with red flaging tape, to show the end.....I pull off the trail and shut down the engine and headlight.....It is as dark as death in a cave and quite.....very quite!

    Then the bottoms seem to come alive, feeling safe again from the growl of the mud monster......things of the night begin to speak and crackle. I know eyes are on me, but my eyes are fogged from the headlights. I snap on my flashlight, batteries becoming weak and head down the twenty foot river bank, to the first set of poles.....two are slapping the water and being pulled down deep and hard. I`m excited and get the net ready, change my grip on the light....and move in for the catch...............

    I can tell these are not going to be super sized fish, big fish pull slow and deep, but it`s fish just the same. First pole gently removed from the bank.....net ready....SPLASH, Netted what appers to be aneight pound small mouth channelcat (true channel, not that hybrid blue mix).....second pole gives up another just a tad bit larger. This means, here anyway...with the river stabilized.....trash fish, because channels are the last to bite....before trash fish show up. The next few poles are hard to see from this point, but I strain against a root ball and flash the light.......3 more polls are moving......maybe it won`t be a dry run after all.

    I muck my way up the back and back down a slough run off, net in hand, flashlight at eight candle power.....going fast now. Pull up the pole.....needlenosed gar TRASH!......next one......same, next one....stinking jim turtle.....bout a pound....Stinking nasty thing!!!!! Two nice fish and eight more poles ahead.....Crap!

    I ease back up the bank and load up my mud caked body on the mud monster and travel a few hundred feet, dismount and hump down the bank.....this is the best set on the river and has a nice walkway....once you get down to it.....it is called the fourth bank and looks much like a sidewalk, but the edge ends right at the rivers edge and it is only about two feet wide, SOOOOOoooo, if you do it right....you stay dry.

    Flip on the flashlight, first pole is deep and not moving.....it shouldn`t be that way.....with no fish.....so I stare until my eyes cross, then see a little movement....FISH! Net ready, up comes a big one....CARP!!! TRASH FISH!!!!! Thrown on the bank, move on. Next pole, same, just smaller....again, he finds the bank his new home. I swear, if one more of these comes up......I will bust a round in him and leave him bleeding for coon food.

    Last pole, pulled down also and appears to be another large one......SOOOOOooooo, once again....I get ready. Up it comes......net makes contact.....netted.....CARP!!! I do the deal......drag from the net.....hook still imbedded, laying on the bank.....I draw and fire.....ONE ROUND TO THE HEAD!!! Splattered with mud and blood......ears ringing. I have ended my frustration, but then FROM BEHIND and UP THE BANK....TWENTY FEET UP!!!! Comes a sound........I TURN, Flash my eight candle power flashlight.......OH MY GOD!!!!!!

    Time seems to slow down, even though it`s only seconds...

    The light cast an faint yellow glow up the bank and there it is......coming right for me, full bore down the enbankment. Pistol still in hand, I have no where to go AND little time, POW-POW-POW....mud, blood and steam...... POW-POW-POW-POW-POW.....each flash of the muzzle...seems to light up the entire bank and the beast coming.....RIGHT FOR ME!!!! and no where to run.....stand your ground and SHOOT DAMMIT!!

    Times up and slammed into like a Ford Pinto at a railroad crossing, the HOG AND I GO INTO THE RIVER, hit chest high from the angle of the bank, I LATCH ON TO THIS MONSTER`S EAR and bring the "River Bitch" to bear and feel the cold steel against the eared hand, under the water.....I squeeze,,, THUMP-THUMP!!! (proof that a .45acp, will fire under water!!!) I turn loose.....no movement, she comes out of the water......steam wafts the air, she`s locked back and ready for another mag.....but the battle is over, the hog dissappears into the dark void of the river, and I am left standing in chest high water. I trudge, water logged to the bank. I weight to much to get out, rubbers filled with water, insullated coveralls...so there I stand, Freezing wet and unable to gather the composure or strength to get out.

    I finally shuck my boots and coveralls and get a purchase from a root ball, slimey and muddy....I inch my way up the bank, skin ripped from my toes.....trying to get out and home. I make it back to the mud monster, lift the seat and pull out the flask of ole #7 and down the entire contents....feel nothing and no longer cold......steam is pouring from my whole body. I mount the mud monster and sail......mud slinging....I can hear it hit the tree`s so close to the trails edge, I blow out onto the main road and give it all it`s got!!!!!!

    Arriving at camp, the old men are sitting outside and playing dominoes. I dismount and go to the fire, in the light, the old men look up. I can now see, in the light, so can they.....I look like a WILDMAN from a mud wrestling contest and water still dripping from me. I get the bottle from the table and take another long drink.....nothing. I go to the water table and rinse off the bigger part of the mud, the waters freezing, I know......but feel nothing. I get clean clothes from my truck and strip neckid, wash again.

    I get dressed and go to the fire. They want to hear the reason for my behavior and look (muddy) I relate the above story, they chuckle and go back to playing dominoes (No big deal, to them) They ask, where`s it at?? I say, BY MONDAY IT WILL BE IN THE GULF OF FREAKIN MEXICO!!!!!!!*(&^$^%##@#$^ SOOOOOooooo, there I sit....WIDE AWAKE! and numb. The next morning, I pick up my clothes, to hang on the line.......out of one of the pants pockets.......falls a 6" tush,,,,,pocket torn thru the watch pocket, but not a mark on me......Fishing for pigs....Day two of camping at the river.


    *****Disclamer******

    No creatures were hurt typing this story, all gun play was legal. No leaded buddits were used (KISS MY ^%% PETA!) As always refered to as Mike`s "EXCELLENT ADVENTURES" at the camp now.........one of the many. I found out the next day, when I had moved the poles....I had placed the last two in the middle of a well used hog run/trail. I no longer move poles at night............ Regards LTS
    T.F.F.

    Edited by: LIKTOSHOOT at: 3/20/02 4:26:00 pm

    kdub01
    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 390
    (3/19/02 9:59:57 pm)
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    Hurry!!!! The suspense is killing me!!!

    tuckerd1
    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 1205
    (3/20/02 8:32:21 am)
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    Get with it LTS!! We're waiting!
    "They that can give up essential Liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither Liberty nor safety." (...Benjamin Franklin, 1759)

    280freak
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 560
    (3/20/02 11:37:13 am)
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    Yer one Hell of a writer, LTS, ya know that? More, more!


    Yeehaw!!! Great story, LT!

    Edited by: 280freak at: 3/20/02 4:21:59 pm

    AntiqueDr
    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 2331
    (3/20/02 5:23:33 pm)
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    ezSupporter
    Re: Fishin Fer Hogs....er??
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    That settles it. Mike, I'm a'comin up there.


    We Buy Guns! 1 - 100, Antique or Modern!
    www.apaxenterprises.com
    Kimber and Wilson Combat Master Dealer

    LIKTOSHOOT
    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 4251
    (3/20/02 5:40:51 pm)
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    NURSE`S Got ya........didn`t it????
    T.F.F.

    Tac401
    Administrator
    Posts: 3906
    (3/20/02 10:27:19 pm)
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    ezSupporter
    Re: Fishin Fer Hogs....er??
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    Good read LTS!

    You sure that twernt a 6-inch turd in da bak pocket?

    I think i'll pass when it comes ta howg hunts!
    TFF VMBB Email Tac

    Donny Henry
    Member
    Posts: 40
    (3/20/02 11:02:06 pm)
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    Woo hooo! What a story! Your gonna have to take me hunting sometime.
    ~-~Courage is not the lack of fear...
    but the presence of faith.~-~


    Donny Henry
    Member
    Posts: 41
    (3/20/02 11:08:22 pm)
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    Thought I'd throw in a pic of me & a couple lil un's just for giggles...




    You can check out some of my photos at community.webshots.com/user/themrclean

    Donny - You had wrong URL for your hog pics. Corrected it for you. ruffitt

    Thanks ruffit...So i'ts {link} instead or url...LOL

    No Donny, its [*img]URL[*/img] (minus the asterisks though) - ruffitt
    ~-~Courage is not the lack of fear...
    but the presence of faith.~-~


    Edited by: ruffitt at: 3/22/02 1:51:51 am

    ruffitt
    *TFF Senior Staff*
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    (3/21/02 12:43:27 am)
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    ezSupporter
    Re: Fishin Fer Hogs....er?? Finished!! Thud..
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    Me thinks for once goin to the soggy bottom fest woulda been a lot less nerve racking.

    But then you wouldn't have the chance to use the River Bitch, unless it was to scare off the nurses.
    RuffItt




    warpig883
    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 2852
    (3/21/02 6:16:06 am)
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    LTS give us more stories of the River Bitch

    tuckerd1
    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 1210
    (3/21/02 7:24:05 am)
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    Great story LTS! BTW, your writing stlye is a ruining ya image.
    "They that can give up essential Liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither Liberty nor safety." (...Benjamin Franklin, 1759)

    cointoss 2
    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 534
    (3/22/02 12:22:00 pm)
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    LTS, what an excellent story, how was the cat? Did a little fishing like that with trot lines and poles in the bottoms of Mississippi when I was younger and learned very fast to shine the light around the poles and all before reaching for them in the dark.
    cointoss2

    BlackGun
    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 3545
    (3/28/02 1:19:04 pm)
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    Outstanding! Simply outstanding!
    I suffer from occasional loss of mental stability, and become very violent with only slight provocation. The Veterans Administration has determined that both mental and physical harassment of my person may be hazardous to your health and well being. So stay away from my Donuts!!


    BlackGUN

    LIKTOSHOOT
    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 6697
    (12/18/02 3:33:45 pm)
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    Fishing for deer...SUCKS



    kdub01
    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 1603
    (12/18/02 5:45:08 pm)
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    Please explain, O Great Hawg Rassler!
    "Keep Off The Ridgeline"


    LIKTOSHOOT
    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 6712
    (12/19/02 8:01:47 pm)
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    Didn`t want that "Deer Fishing" thread on top.

    Deer Fishing sucks....done that toooo, horny little devils and hard to rassle

    LTS



    ShootingInVT
    Member
    Posts: 4
    (2/4/03 5:40:31 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del Wow...
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    I tell you what that was great story right there! I think I'd a been scared clean out of my britches and probably banged up a little bit more. You are a one hang of a story teller!

    LIKTOSHOOT
    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 6928
    (2/4/03 6:00:10 pm)
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    Wait till you hear "To drunk to fish" yes I have been there and tried.......



    ruffitt
    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 1484
    (2/5/03 1:31:42 am)
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    ezSupporter
    Re: Fishin Fer Hogs....er?? Finished!! Thud..
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    Well bring it on then!!!

    Wez a'waitin.
  2. tuckerd1

    tuckerd1 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2001
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    3,243
    Location:
    Paint Rock Valley, Alabama
    BTT. Good read!
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