For all Mothers,,,and fathers,uncles,aunts...

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by warpig, Mar 18, 2003.

  1. warpig

    warpig Guest

    armedandsafe
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    (3/14/03 1:32:11 pm)
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    For all Mothers,,,and fathers,uncles,aunts...
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    and schoolbus drivers:
    For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
    For those who have children this age, this is NOT funny.
    For those who have children nearing this age, this is a WARNING.
    For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

    The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas

    Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding)

    1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

    2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

    3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

    4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

    5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

    6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

    7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

    8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

    9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

    10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

    11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

    12. Super glue is forever.

    13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

    14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

    15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

    16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

    17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

    18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

    19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

    20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

    21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

    22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

    23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

    24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade ... true story: One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "... And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused, and then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... 'Holy sh**! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 MINUTES




    Armed and Safe - not just a theory


    cointoss 2
    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 1434
    (3/14/03 1:47:01 pm)
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    Re: For all Mothers,,,and fathers,uncles,aunts...
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    Just a payback to all the parents, didn't we all do some of the same dumb things.
    cointoss2

    SouthernMoss
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    (3/14/03 2:30:18 pm)
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    Re: For all Mothers,,,and fathers,uncles,aunts...
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    good one, A&S!!
    I find them hilarious, so I guess that tells you which group I'm in.
    You need to add some of your schoolbus experiences.

    inplanotx
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    Posts: 188
    (3/15/03 10:20:21 am)
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    Thanks a lot A&S, I am now cleaning up my flat panel, keyboard, mouse and CD-RW trying to get all the coffee out. Did you know that coffee dripping out of your nose stains a white tee shirt?

    ROFLMAO



    SouthernPainter
    Member
    Posts: 12
    (3/15/03 9:08:23 pm)
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    That's a good one, A&S! As a mother of a 5 yr old boy, I can see some of this coming in the near future. It will be a whole lot of fun!


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