Genessis 19-11

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by SixForSure, Feb 13, 2006.

  1. SixForSure

    SixForSure New Member

    Feb 10, 2006
    I can't take credit for this, and I'm not trying to stir anything up:rolleyes: but in the immortal words of Jackie Gleason "awaaaaaaaaaaay we go"

    Genesis 19-11

    1. In the beginning there was the 1911, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, thou shalt not muck with my disciple John's design for it is good and it workith. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain.

    2. And shouldst thou muck with it, and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm.

    3. And as the ages passed men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust.

    4. Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it.

    5. And lo, they didst install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord. For they doth break and lose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the great battle.

    6. And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunctions to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.

    7. Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men, the lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.

    8. And being a deceitful spirit the lord of the underworld did make these plastic pistols unamenable to the artisans of earth and they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did appear to function.

    9. And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them and which require a "dingus" to make them appear safe.

    10. But man being stupid did not understand these new pistols and didst proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol and with the trigger cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.

    11. And when man had been totally ensnared with the plastic pistol, the lord of the underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible Ka-Boom to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.

    12. Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey

    the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they didst begin to work as the prophet had intended.

    [font=&quot]13. And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation b by the followers of John.[/font]
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2006

  2. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*


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  3. rmrdaddy

    rmrdaddy New Member

    Feb 22, 2003
    southern NJ
    Oh Yeah!

    That is the "Gospel Truth", is it not..... :p
  4. muley

    muley New Member

    Aug 5, 2004
    Far North Cal
    So let it be written...So let it be done. :D :D :D :D
  5. 14. And lo, in the midst of chaos, from the pristine mountains and forests of the Austrian land there arose a small yet regal voice, crying forth in the wilderness: "Repent ye idolators and worshipers of all that is too aged, too hackneyed, to be thus worthy of your praise! Harken you now instead to the firmness, the utility, the ergonomic lines of the Angel Polymer; it is the Revelation, the revealer of all that is to be!

    15. And the 1911 heard this fearsome voice and it cowered in fear. And thus it was the archangel, who was Glock, descended on the land and cast out all the evil that had been wrought by the false prophet 1911, and the shooting world was restored.

    16. No more would the plagues of burdensome weight, short magazines, and ackward mechanics descend upon the fraternity of shooters. No more would eons be required for safeties to be released and a single shot to be fired.

    17. And lo, the fraternity of shooters heeded the purdent words of the archangel Glock, and flocked to his banner. And it was good.

    :D ;) :p :cool:
  6. SixForSure

    SixForSure New Member

    Feb 10, 2006
    Now THAT's a reply. Misguided perhaps:D but very eloquent.