HICKBONICS The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington designating Southern slang, or Hickbonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone. The following are excerpts from the Hickbonics/English dictionary: HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting. HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: Heidi, Hire yew?" BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capital is Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck." BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements." MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts." THANK - (verb) - Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare." BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare." IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!" RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago." ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck." FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far." TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tarin my pickup truck." TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime." RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65." FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh." RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats." FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed...must be from some farn country." DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim." EAR - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ear!" BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence." JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?" HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf." SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see". VIEW - contraction: (verb) and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?" GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert." -------------------------- I guess I've been around hicks too long... I unnerstan ever one uh dese.