How to give a Cat a Pill

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Gunfyter, Aug 18, 2006.

  1. Gunfyter

    Gunfyter New Member

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    Dedicated to BOB

    Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.


    Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.


    Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.


    Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.


    Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse.


    Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.


    Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered priceless figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.


    Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.


    Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.


    Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.


    Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.


    Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.


    Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning glove from shed, force cat's mouth open with small wrench. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet mignon. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.


    Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture store on way home to order new table.


    Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and call pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
    :D :D :D :D
  2. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

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    If you have ever tried it, that's about right. :) :D

    Best way, used by our Vet, is to put it in a long syringe like instrument and shoot it down the throat far enough to activate the swallow reflex.
  3. inplanotx

    inplanotx New Member

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  4. A very effective alternate method is to make certain the first pill you give is hydrogen cyanide, then you only have to do it once. :eek: :D

    Just kidding, SoMo, just kidding! Honest! :D ;)
  5. glocknut

    glocknut New Member

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    Uh oh... the pill was suppose to go in the cats "mouth" ?!!!! :eek: :rolleyes:

    Sheesh...

    mike
    gn
  6. southernshooter

    southernshooter New Member

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    :) :D :)
    A trick my vet taught me for my dog is to give him a benedryl first they don't mind them as bad
  7. Bruce FLinch

    Bruce FLinch New Member

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    :D that one never gets old!:D
  8. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

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  9. geds

    geds New Member

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    Just came across this one - it is great (and so true)!
  10. carver

    carver Moderator

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    The very reason I don't own a cat!
  11. vytoland

    vytoland New Member

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    open it up n ram it in.:eek:
  12. Maximilian II

    Maximilian II New Member

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    Location:
    Northwest GA
    True story:
    As a teen I owned a cat named Smut. He needed worming so Dad bought those Hartz worm pills. The directions tell you how many to give the cat by weight and as I looked at Smut's rotund form I knew we were to have a drama filled morning.
    I stuffed pills into that cat. Dipped into water they went down easier but also were slipperier to hold and once wet there was a time limit on how long they would stay in one piece.
    What a battle! At the end we were both tired and frazzled. As I got out the last capsule and prepared to fight him...
    He opened his mouth in expectation and swallowed the last one himself.

    Next worming, Dad opened the capsules and poured the powder into chicken broth. Worked like a charm.
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