I was down near the Texas/Mexico border visiting a friend when I saw a fundamentalist Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River one morning. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs that he was carrying. Along with him was an illegal Mexican drug cartel member who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back. I knew if they didn't get help soon, they'd surely drown. Being a responsible Snowbird, and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed both the El Paso County Sheriff's Office and Homeland Security. It is now 4 pm, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded. I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.