I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning! The cost of living has now gotten so bad, that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries! ( can I say that ? ) My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker. Well ... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back. The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway. Question - Are there too many immigrants in the United States? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."