Irish jokes. A late Happy St Patricks Day

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Bruce FLinch, Mar 19, 2006.

  1. Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years,

    but he will kill any man who does.


    Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks

    he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.


    The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among

    themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.


    An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an

    Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"

    "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.


    Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?

    Answer - So the English can understand them.


    Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and

    announced, "Not guilty."

    "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"


    Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"

    Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."


    Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the

    vase on the mantlepiece?"

    "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."


    Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?

    A. A bachelor.


    Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in

    the morning. I can't break her of it.

    Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?

    Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home.


    "O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your

    wife's appearance?"

    "It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"


    Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their

    honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?


    My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex

    life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and

    highlights of theirs?

  2. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    May ye be in Heaven an hour 'fore the devil knows you're DEAD!!!!!

    Attached Files:

  3. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

    Jan 1, 2003
    SW MS
    Well, since you started it, I'll have to add my annual groaner:

    What's Irish and sits on your deck?

    Patty O'Furniture!

  4. LMAO...those are hilarious Bruce! Especially cuz I'm part Irish! ;)
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