Irish jokes. A late Happy St Patricks Day

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Bruce FLinch, Mar 19, 2006.

  1. Bruce FLinch

    Bruce FLinch New Member

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    Location:
    Bay Point, Kali..aka Gun Point
    Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years,

    but he will kill any man who does.

    ---------------------------

    Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks

    he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

    ---------------------------

    The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among

    themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.

    ---------------------------

    An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an

    Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"

    "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

    -----------------------

    Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?

    Answer - So the English can understand them.

    -----------------------

    Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and

    announced, "Not guilty."

    "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

    -----------------------

    Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"

    Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."

    -----------------------

    Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the

    vase on the mantlepiece?"

    "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."

    -----------------------

    Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?

    A. A bachelor.

    -----------------------

    Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in

    the morning. I can't break her of it.

    Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?

    Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home.

    -----------------------

    "O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your

    wife's appearance?"

    "It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"

    -----------------------

    Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their

    honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

    ---------------------

    My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex

    life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and

    highlights of theirs?
  2. inplanotx

    inplanotx New Member

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  3. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

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    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    May ye be in Heaven an hour 'fore the devil knows you're DEAD!!!!!

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  4. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

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    Well, since you started it, I'll have to add my annual groaner:



    What's Irish and sits on your deck?



















    Patty O'Furniture!

    :D:D:D
  5. firebird

    firebird New Member

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    In the recesses of my little mind...
    LMAO...those are hilarious Bruce! Especially cuz I'm part Irish! ;)
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