johnny jokes

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by cycloneman, Feb 5, 2010.

  1. cycloneman

    cycloneman Well-Known Member

    Dec 16, 2008
    Little Johnny's at it again...... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

    * * * * * * * * * * *

    Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'

    * * * * * * * * * * *

    The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

    * * * * * * * * * * *

    Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

    * * * * * * * * * * *

    Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.'
  2. dianalv

    dianalv New Member

    Aug 3, 2009
    Las Vegas, Nevada
    I love Little Johnny jokes. Thanks!

    The teacher addressed the classroom. "Now class, we are going to play a little game using adjectives. I'm going to describe an object and you are going to guess what it is. Everything will be in this classroom. What is shaped like a rectangle, hard on one side and soft on the other?"

    A little girl raises her hand. "Yes, Jenny?" asks the teacher.

    "Is it the bench?"

    "No, Jenny. It's the chalk eraser, but that shows you were thinking!" The teacher describes a few more objects. Each time the students guess wrong, she encourages them by saying, "It shows you were thinking!"

    "Now class, it's your turn. You describe something and I'll guess what it is." She looks around the class for volunteers, but no one puts their hand up but Little Johnny. Desperately, she trys to encourage someone else, but at last she has to go to him. "Okay, Little Johnny. Let's hear your description."

    Little Johnny puts his hand in his pocket and says, "I'm holding it in my hand. It's shaped like a tube, it's very hard, but it has a soft round pink tip."

    "Little Johnny!" gasps the teacher. "You nasty boy! You go to the office right now!"

    "Nope!" says Little Johhny, grinning. "You're wrong!" He pulls his hand out of his pocket and displays a pencil with a pink eraser on the end to the teacher. "But it shows you were thinking!"

  3. Carne Frio

    Carne Frio Well-Known Member

    Aug 28, 2008
    Near Fairbanks
    Little Johnny jokes a great ! Try this one:

    Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.

    She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter."

    The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."

    A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.

    Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter."

    "That's right!" she coaxed.

    Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?
  4. petesusn

    petesusn Member

    President Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So our illustrious democrat president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

    One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.'

    'No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident.'

    A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.'

    'I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call great loss.'
    The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'

    Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said:
    'If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.'

    'Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?'

    'Well,' says Johnny, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss... and it probably wouldn't be a accident either.'
  5. red14

    red14 Well-Known Member

    Aug 17, 2009
    N FLA
    Heh heh heh.

    Now you are on the 'list'.
  6. petesusn

    petesusn Member

    red, if I'm on the list then I'm in good company.
  7. red14

    red14 Well-Known Member

    Aug 17, 2009
    N FLA
    Lotta good people here.
  8. These are sooo funny!!
    Thanks for the laughs, needed that.

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