Make Me Laugh, Win A Prize!!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by pinecone70, Apr 23, 2010.

  1. pinecone70

    pinecone70 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2008
    Messages:
    4,729
    Location:
    Minnesota Gal!
    It has been a while since we had a contest, and we could all use a laugh, I think. So here is my deal: tell me a story that makes me laugh, and win one of two fabulous gun show bumper stickers! I will choose two winners by April 30, 7p/m CST. Keep it clean, a paragraph or two will do! Here are the bumper stickers, funniest storyteller gets to choose which one they want, second place receives the other!

    Attached Files:

    • 003.JPG
      003.JPG
      File size:
      124.1 KB
      Views:
      332
  2. JLA

    JLA Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2007
    Messages:
    18,269
    Location:
    Heart Of Texas
    sheesh, keep it clean she says, hows a comedian supposed to keep a job round here;)
  3. pinecone70

    pinecone70 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2008
    Messages:
    4,729
    Location:
    Minnesota Gal!
    Heh. ;) Forces you to be creative, eh?
  4. Helix_FR

    Helix_FR New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2009
    Messages:
    3,743
    Location:
    Imperial, MO
    Well heck I should post the story about the temp worker that we had that claimed that he was conservative but used the words "Stupid Liberal" and "Changing the Constitution to keep up with the times" in the same breath. Also how car insurance shouldn't be mandatory (in MO it is) b/c he will never be in a accident:rolleyes: but the health care plan seems it will work.:eek:(and guess who's car has a huge dent in the front, it ain't mine)
    He is a joke within a joke. Its like he takes snippets of CNN and combines them into a story. Strange boy.
    Shall I give the whole story?
  5. JohnBrainard

    JohnBrainard New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2009
    Messages:
    505
    Location:
    Gilbert, AZ
    Ain't that the truth!
  6. wpage

    wpage Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2009
    Messages:
    1,486
    These two shrinks are riding the hospital elevator...
    Another Dr. get on says "good morning" then gets off on another floor.
    One shrink says to the other "wonder what he meant by that"
  7. red14

    red14 Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2009
    Messages:
    3,944
    Location:
    N FLA
  8. Bubblehead

    Bubblehead New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2008
    Messages:
    480
    Location:
    Pioneer, CA
    Here you go Pinecone. I hope you don't consider this "dirty".

    A little boy in full cowboy gear, including a pair of cap guns on his hips, walks into an ice cream store. When the lady behind the counter asks him what he wants he draws both pistols and says, “Give me an ice cream sundae with plenty of vanilla ice cream”.

    As the lady begins to prepare the sundae the boy again draws his pistols and says, “and make sure you put a lot of chocolate syrup on top”, then re-holsters his pistols.

    The lady begins to add the syrup and once again the boy draws his pistols and says, “put some whip cream and a cherry on top too”, and again holsters his two cap pistols.

    The lady begins to load on the whip cream and cherries and yet again the little boy draws his guns and says, “and don’t forget to put some nuts on top too”.

    As the guns are put away in their little holsters the lady asks, “little boy, would you like your nuts crushed?”

    The little boy draws his guns one more time and asks, “Lady, would you like your tits shot off?”
  9. red14

    red14 Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2009
    Messages:
    3,944
    Location:
    N FLA
    Little old man limps into an ice cream parlor and orders a banana split. He moans and gingerly sits on the stool at the counter. The lady making the split, looks at him in a kindly way, and asks,

    "Crushed nuts?"

    He looks up at her in obvious pain and says,

    "No, Arthritis".
  10. pinecone70

    pinecone70 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2008
    Messages:
    4,729
    Location:
    Minnesota Gal!
    Heh. :D
  11. gunguy25

    gunguy25 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2009
    Messages:
    881
    Location:
    TN
    A guy walks up to a bartender and says, I bet you $100 that i can pee in this shot glass from 50 feet away, The bartender says you got yourself a bet. So the guy unzipped and starts peeing everywhere but the shot glass, on the bar, on the floor , on the bartender and the bartender is laughing his butt off. You owe me $100 man. He said ok give me a second goes to the back of the bar where these two guys are playing pool, walks back up and puts the money on the bar smiling , the bartender says why are you smiling you just lost $100, he says see those guys playing pool i just bet them $500 a piece that i could pee on your bar pee on your floor and pee on you and not only would you not be mad you would be happy about it.
  12. pinecone70

    pinecone70 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2008
    Messages:
    4,729
    Location:
    Minnesota Gal!
    Eieeeeeeeee!!!!
  13. USMCSpeedy

    USMCSpeedy Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2009
    Messages:
    679
    Location:
    Minnesota
    I was so depressed last night thinking about health care plans, the
    economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, social security, retirement funds,
    etc. So, I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. I got a freakin' call
    center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they all got
    excited and asked if I could drive a truck...
  14. USMCSpeedy

    USMCSpeedy Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2009
    Messages:
    679
    Location:
    Minnesota
    Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel " pick
    up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the
    Promised Land".

    Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your
    asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land".

    Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of
    Camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land!
  15. Vladimir

    Vladimir New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2008
    Messages:
    3,555
    Location:
    Issaquah WA
    George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

    While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.

    The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

    Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes.

    When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

    Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

    Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

    When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

    The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."
  16. pinecone70

    pinecone70 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2008
    Messages:
    4,729
    Location:
    Minnesota Gal!
    Oh, excellent!! :D
  17. hogger129

    hogger129 Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2009
    Messages:
    4,148
    I have a good story. New neighbors moved in across the street. Fought all the time. Came out yelling at each other once in awhile. Their names were Jane and Stu Payne. Well one day, they come out fighting. Go back in the house. Little while later me and my dad come out to cook some burgers on the grill. Stu comes out yelling and gets in his truck. Well here's this cat lying there. This thing was blind & deaf, came over and peed and crapped all over our garage and my dad would chase it out with a broom. Anyway, gets under the wheel of the truck. Gets up for a minute, walks over to the other wheel, lies back down. Guy starts the truck up and backs right over it. Me and my dad go wave at the guy to tell him he just backed over his cat. He looks at us and waves and drives off with a smile on his face. Me and my dad just look at each other and laugh for a minute. Dad called the lady. Lady got all mad and came out and put it in a paper bag and went back in the house. Week later they moved out. True story too.
  18. hogger129

    hogger129 Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2009
    Messages:
    4,148
    "Al Gore gave a blistering speech today condemning the Bush administration and calling for everyone in Bush's cabinet to resign from office immediately. Finally the owner of the karaoke bar said, 'Are you going to sing or what?'"
  19. dld

    dld Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2009
    Messages:
    43
    Location:
    some where south of here
    you want some thing funny how about "red14":eek:
  20. JLA

    JLA Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2007
    Messages:
    18,269
    Location:
    Heart Of Texas
    I find myself wanting to watch the movie "Desperado" while eating an ice cream sundae;)

    mmmmm selma hayek:D
Similar Threads
Forum Title Date
General Discussion Who needs a Laugh? Oct 11, 2012
General Discussion I was looking for a good laugh and came across this May 7, 2012
General Discussion My kids make me laugh.. May 2, 2012
General Discussion Do you want to laugh at me? Apr 10, 2012
General Discussion You'll Get A Few Laughs Out Of This Video! Jan 13, 2012

Share This Page