Make Me Laugh, Win A Prize!!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by pinecone70, Apr 23, 2010.

  1. pinecone70

    pinecone70 Active Member

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    It has been a while since we had a contest, and we could all use a laugh, I think. So here is my deal: tell me a story that makes me laugh, and win one of two fabulous gun show bumper stickers! I will choose two winners by April 30, 7p/m CST. Keep it clean, a paragraph or two will do! Here are the bumper stickers, funniest storyteller gets to choose which one they want, second place receives the other!

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  2. JLA

    JLA Well-Known Member

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    sheesh, keep it clean she says, hows a comedian supposed to keep a job round here;)
  3. pinecone70

    pinecone70 Active Member

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    Heh. ;) Forces you to be creative, eh?
  4. Helix_FR

    Helix_FR Active Member

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    Well heck I should post the story about the temp worker that we had that claimed that he was conservative but used the words "Stupid Liberal" and "Changing the Constitution to keep up with the times" in the same breath. Also how car insurance shouldn't be mandatory (in MO it is) b/c he will never be in a accident:rolleyes: but the health care plan seems it will work.:eek:(and guess who's car has a huge dent in the front, it ain't mine)
    He is a joke within a joke. Its like he takes snippets of CNN and combines them into a story. Strange boy.
    Shall I give the whole story?
  5. JohnBrainard

    JohnBrainard New Member

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    Ain't that the truth!
  6. wpage

    wpage Active Member

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    These two shrinks are riding the hospital elevator...
    Another Dr. get on says "good morning" then gets off on another floor.
    One shrink says to the other "wonder what he meant by that"
  7. red14

    red14 Well-Known Member

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  8. Bubblehead

    Bubblehead New Member

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    Here you go Pinecone. I hope you don't consider this "dirty".

    A little boy in full cowboy gear, including a pair of cap guns on his hips, walks into an ice cream store. When the lady behind the counter asks him what he wants he draws both pistols and says, “Give me an ice cream sundae with plenty of vanilla ice cream”.

    As the lady begins to prepare the sundae the boy again draws his pistols and says, “and make sure you put a lot of chocolate syrup on top”, then re-holsters his pistols.

    The lady begins to add the syrup and once again the boy draws his pistols and says, “put some whip cream and a cherry on top too”, and again holsters his two cap pistols.

    The lady begins to load on the whip cream and cherries and yet again the little boy draws his guns and says, “and don’t forget to put some nuts on top too”.

    As the guns are put away in their little holsters the lady asks, “little boy, would you like your nuts crushed?”

    The little boy draws his guns one more time and asks, “Lady, would you like your tits shot off?”
  9. red14

    red14 Well-Known Member

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    Little old man limps into an ice cream parlor and orders a banana split. He moans and gingerly sits on the stool at the counter. The lady making the split, looks at him in a kindly way, and asks,

    "Crushed nuts?"

    He looks up at her in obvious pain and says,

    "No, Arthritis".
  10. pinecone70

    pinecone70 Active Member

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    Heh. :D
  11. gunguy25

    gunguy25 New Member

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    A guy walks up to a bartender and says, I bet you $100 that i can pee in this shot glass from 50 feet away, The bartender says you got yourself a bet. So the guy unzipped and starts peeing everywhere but the shot glass, on the bar, on the floor , on the bartender and the bartender is laughing his butt off. You owe me $100 man. He said ok give me a second goes to the back of the bar where these two guys are playing pool, walks back up and puts the money on the bar smiling , the bartender says why are you smiling you just lost $100, he says see those guys playing pool i just bet them $500 a piece that i could pee on your bar pee on your floor and pee on you and not only would you not be mad you would be happy about it.
  12. pinecone70

    pinecone70 Active Member

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    Eieeeeeeeee!!!!
  13. USMCSpeedy

    USMCSpeedy Member

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    I was so depressed last night thinking about health care plans, the
    economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, social security, retirement funds,
    etc. So, I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. I got a freakin' call
    center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they all got
    excited and asked if I could drive a truck...
  14. USMCSpeedy

    USMCSpeedy Member

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    Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel " pick
    up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the
    Promised Land".

    Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your
    asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land".

    Now Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of
    Camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land!
  15. Vladimir

    Vladimir New Member

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    George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

    While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.

    The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

    Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes.

    When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

    Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

    Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

    When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

    The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."
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