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Man's Chain Letter

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Gunfyter, Jul 25, 2003.

  1. Gunfyter

    Gunfyter New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2003
    Messages:
    1,956
    Location:
    Western Maryland
    Finally, a man's chain letter! This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn't cost anything! Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women.

    One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine has already received 184 women, of whom four were worth keeping.

    REMEMBER this chain brings luck.

    One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy Playmate. An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooter's waitress and a Hollywood super model.

    You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN!



    One man broke the chain and got his wife back again.

    Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the bottom of the list below!



    Bill Clinton

    780 3rd Ave.

    New York, NY 10017



    Billy Clinton

    780 3rd Ave.

    New York, NY 10017



    Billie Clinton

    780 3rd Ave.

    New York, NY 10017



    B. Clinton

    780 3rd Ave.

    New York, NY 10017



    William Jefferson Clinton

    780 3rd Ave.

    New York, NY 10017



    W. Jefferson Clinton

    780 3rd Ave.

    New York, NY 10017



    W. Jeff Clinton

    780 3rd Ave.

    New York, NY 10017



    W. J. Clinton

    780 3rd Ave.

    New York, NY 10017



    W. Clinton

    780 3rd Ave.

    New York, NY 10017



    William J Clinton

    780 3rd Ave.

    New York, NY 10017



    Wilhelm Clinton

    780 3rd Ave.

    New York, NY 10017



    Willie Clinton

    780 3rd Ave.

    New York, NY 10017



    Will Clinton

    780 3rd Ave.

    New York, NY 10017



    Mr. Hillary Clinton

    780 3rd Ave.

    New York, NY 10017


    [​IMG]
  2. Gunfyter

    Gunfyter New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2003
    Messages:
    1,956
    Location:
    Western Maryland
    Beavers and Bears

    >This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan
    >>DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental
    >>Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is
    >>hilarious.
    >>--------------------------------------------------
    >>
    >>SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023;
    >>T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
    >>
    >>Dear Mr. DeVries:
    >>
    >>It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
    >>Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
    >>referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal
    >>landowner and/ or contractor who did the following unauthorized
    >>activity:
    >>
    >>Construction and maintenance of two wood debris
    >>dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A
    >>permit must be issued prior to the start of this
    >>type of activity. A review of the Department's
    >>files shows that no permits have been issued.
    >>Therefore, the Department has determined that this
    >>activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes
    >>and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
    >>Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public
    >>Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113
    >>of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
    >>
    >>The Department has been informed that one or both
    >>of the dams partially failed during a recent rain
    >>event, causing debris and flooding at downstream
    >>locations. We find that dams of this nature are
    >>inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The
    >>Department therefore orders you to cease and desist
    >>all activities at this location, and to restore the
    >>stream to a free-flow condition by removing all
    >>wood and brush forming the dams from the stream
    >>channel. All restoration work shall be completed no
    >>later than January 31, 2003.
    >>
    >>Please notify this office when the restoration has
    >>been completed so that a follow-up site inspection
    >>may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply
    >>with this request or any further unauthorized
    >>activity on the site may result in this case being
    >>referred for elevated enforcement action.
    >>
    >>We anticipate and would appreciate your full
    >>cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to
    >>contact me at this office if you have any
    >>questions.
    >>
    >>Sincerely,
    >>
    >>David L. Price District Representative
    >>Land and Water Management Division
    >>
    >>
    >>** This is the actual response sent back: **
    >>
    >>
    >>Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N;
    >>R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
    >>
    >>Dear Mr. Price,
    >>
    >>Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been
    >>handed to me to respond to. I am the legal
    >>landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
    >>Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the
    >>(State unauthorized) process of constructing and
    >>maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the
    >>outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not
    >>pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
    >>project, I think they would be highly offended that
    >>you call their skillful use of natures building
    >>materials "debris." I would like to challenge your
    >>department to attempt to emulate their dam project
    >>any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I
    >>can safely state there is no way you could ever
    >>match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness,
    >>their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their
    >>dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
    >>
    >>As to your request, I do not think the beavers are
    >>aware that they must first fill out a dam permit
    >>prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
    >>
    >>My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying
    >>to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or
    >>(2) do you require all beavers throughout this
    >>State to conform to said dam request? If you are
    >>not discriminating against these particular
    >>beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I
    >>request completed copies of all those other
    >>applicable beaver dam permits that have been
    >>issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a
    >>dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and
    >>Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
    >>Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,
    >>being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
    >>Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
    >>
    >>I have several concerns. My first concern is...
    >>aren't the beavers entitled to legal
    >>representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
    >>financially destitute and are unable to pay for
    >>said representation, so the State will have to
    >>provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's
    >>dam concern that either one or both of the dams
    >>failed during a recent rain event causing flooding
    >>is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which
    >>the Department is required to protect. In other
    >>words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers
    >>alone rather than harassing them and calling their
    >>dam names.
    >>
    >>If you want the stream "restored" to a dam
    >>free-flow condition please contact the beavers, but
    >>if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did
    >>not pay any attention to your dam letter... they
    >>being unable to read English.
    >>
    >>In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have
    >>a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as
    >>the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They
    >>have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the
    >>Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up
    >>to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the
    >>environment (Beavers' Dams).
    >>
    >>So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this
    >>dam case can be referred for more elevated
    >>enforcement action right now. Why wait until
    >>1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the
    >>dam ice then and there will be no way for you or
    >>your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
    >>
    >>In conclusion, I would like to bring to your
    >>attention to a real environmental quality (health)
    >>problem in the area. It is the bears!
    >>
    >>Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I
    >>definitely believe you should be persecuting the
    >>defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If
    >>you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch
    >>your step! (The bears are not careful where they
    >>dump!)
    >>
    >>Being unable to comply with your dam request, and
    >>being unable to contact you on your dam answering
    >>machine, I am sending this response to your dam
    >>office.
    >>
    >>Thank You,
    >>
    >>Ryan DeVries &The Dam Beavers

    [​IMG]
  3. inplanotx

    inplanotx New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2002
    Messages:
    8,889
    Location:
    Texas
    Gunfyter, that's the best dam thing I have read in a long time.

    Attached Files:

  4. FN_Project90

    FN_Project90 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2003
    Messages:
    800
    Location:
    Atlanta, GA, USA
    wheres the dam bait shop?
    hehehehe thats great
  5. gpostal

    gpostal Former Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2003
    Messages:
    4,552
    darn ! i cut mine up into five peices to mail to each one before i realized the punchline ,oh well
  6. warpig

    warpig Guest

    oldy but a goody

    I forgot about that one
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