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Men stuff!

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by warpig, Feb 24, 2003.

  1. warpig

    warpig Guest

    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 893
    (2/7/02 11:11:20 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del All Men stuff!
    The "CODE" Men Live By

    Thou shall not rent "Chocolat."

    Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

    Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
    killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

    When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father,
    priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and
    should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his
    whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

    Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a
    friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without
    recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call
    ********. (Exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
    exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.)

    If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
    off-limits FOREVER!

    The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
    running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10
    minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10

    Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is
    forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

    No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In
    fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional.

    **** Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is
    trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried
    away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your
    pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.*****

    Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission;
    and he, in return, is required to grant it.

    Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
    until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick
    a buffalo wing clean.

    If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see

    The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

    A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

    You girlfriend must bond with your buddies' girlfriends within 30
    minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her
    gal pals' significant d****-heads; low-level sports bonding is all
    the law requires.

    When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may
    always ask the score of the game in progress but you may never ask

    When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney
    friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll
    be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about
    joining the priesthood.

    (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatulate in front of a woman only after
    you've brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the
    covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially
    your girlfriend.

    It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're
    sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless
    supermodel...and it's free.

    Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
    remain sober enough to fight.

    If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you
    must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his
    actions have caused you to think "What this guy needs is a good ***
    -whuppin," then you may sit back and enjoy.

    Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
    "Yeah, baby, push it!"
    "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
    "Another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice *** , are you

    Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
    pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

    If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to
    his beer.

    Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when
    she's withholding sex pending your response.

    Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing:
    both urinating, both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod
    is all the conversation you need.

    If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not
    join him...too gay.

    Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must
    attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you
    in the eye, and deliver a "F__K OFF," you are absolved of your of

    The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend"
    have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird
    and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion
    about what a big mistake it was.

    In Black Jack, always split aces and eights. No arguments.

    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 2352
    (2/7/02 11:45:10 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del Re: Men stuff!
    so true

    renting chocolate???what is that all about
    We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans... -- Bill Clinton, US President (USA Today, 11 Mar 1993, page 2a)

    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 1315
    (2/8/02 8:17:35 am)
    Reply | Edit | Del Re: Men stuff!
    Ah, good rules to live by. Yeah, what's with the chocolite???


    Different name
    V.I.P. Forum Host
    Posts: 1255
    (2/8/02 12:28:02 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del Re: Men stuff!
    Hell, rentin chocolate means ya can't return it nor ta kno how long ya havta pay fer it!

    Charlie D
    Cacao Nuts aren't cheap!
    Sum sorta "Sweet Deal" ?

    Posts: 15
    (2/8/02 2:54:39 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del Re: Men stuff!
    I believe Shooter22 is referring to the movie "Chocolat". However, I might be wrong. Great list Shooter22!
    USMC 68-72 I am not a native Texan, but I got here as fast as I could!

    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 895
    (2/8/02 5:19:14 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del Re: Men stuff!
    Yeah, It's supposed to be a real chick flick!

    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 2943
    (2/8/02 7:38:59 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del
    Re: Men stuff!
    I didn't see no Donuts with that chocolate!
    Tread On Me, But, Leave My DONUT Alone! !


    cointoss 2
    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 434
    (2/8/02 7:56:30 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del
    Re: Men stuff!
    Shooter Lol!

    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 276
    (2/8/02 10:58:00 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del Re: Men stuff!
    The restroom rule should be posted for those stupid pansy types who stroll up next to you and try to talk to you while you are taking a leak in public restrooms. Man, that ticks me off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Like the man said A NOD IS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!

    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 2362
    (2/8/02 11:26:30 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del Re: Men stuff!
    For about a year I have been trying to talk one of my friends into going into a public restroom and using the urinal. Here is the catch.

    He has to have his pants down around his ankles when he is urinating.

    So far no takers. They all agree it would be damn funny but they will not do it.
    We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans... -- Bill Clinton, US President (USA Today, 11 Mar 1993, page 2a)

    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 414
    (2/9/02 9:03:22 am)
    Reply | Edit | Del Re: Men stuff!
    Great list shooter.
    What's that movie about?

    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 905
    (2/9/02 11:47:01 pm)
    Reply | Edit | Del Re: Men stuff!
    Never seen it! you trying to bait me there, were'nt you? I ain't stupid twice in the same year!
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