My Favorite Blonde Joke

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by dianalv, Sep 11, 2009.

  1. JetGirl

    JetGirl Member

    Dec 18, 2008
    Allow me to help...

    A blonde walks up to a vending machine outside of a local store. She drops a couple coins into the slot and a root beer pops out. She set it on the ground, puts in a couple more coins and a coke comes out. She continues to do this lining up can after can on the sidewalk. A man walks up and waits for a few minutes and becomes impatient saying, "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever you’re doing?"

    The blonde turns around and says,
    "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2009
  2. dianalv

    dianalv New Member

    Aug 3, 2009
    Las Vegas, Nevada
    A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

    Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

    She showed him the instructions on the tin,

    "For best results, put on two coats."

  3. dianalv

    dianalv New Member

    Aug 3, 2009
    Las Vegas, Nevada
    On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

    The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

    "That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

    After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"
  4. dianalv

    dianalv New Member

    Aug 3, 2009
    Las Vegas, Nevada
    Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

    "We don't have any," replied the first blonde.

    "Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.

    "But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

    The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.

    As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?"
  5. Trouble 45-70

    Trouble 45-70 New Member

    The jokes were good and tthe comments were better. Thanks ladies.
  6. kingchip

    kingchip New Member

    Jul 2, 2009
    Marble Falls, Texas
    A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are sitting in the OBGYN waiting room talking. The doctor has told them that if the girl is on top it will be a girl. If the man is on top it will be a boy.
    The brunette tells them that hers will be a girl because she was on top. The redhead says her baby will be a boy because her husband was on top. The blonde starts crying. The other two ask her what's the matter.

    "I'm going to have puppies".
  7. dianalv

    dianalv New Member

    Aug 3, 2009
    Las Vegas, Nevada
    A blonde takes her favorite little black dress into the dry cleaners. The Oriental lady takes the dress, writes up her ticket and says "Thank you velly much. Come again."

    "No," says the blonde, "It's toothpaste this time, you nosy old biddy!"
  8. JohnBrainard

    JohnBrainard New Member

    Sep 11, 2009
    Gilbert, AZ
    Two blond carpenters were building a house. One blond walked around the house to see how the other was doing and, to her amazement, the other blond was hammering one nail in and tossing another out. She watched this go on for several minutes and finally yelled, "What are you doing?!?!?" The other blond says, "The heads on those nails are on the wrong side!" The first blond replied, "You idiot! Those nails are for the other side of the house!"
  9. dianalv

    dianalv New Member

    Aug 3, 2009
    Las Vegas, Nevada
    I once heard a blonde joke where the blonde out smarted everyone, but I can't remember it.:eek:
  10. artabr

    artabr New Member

    A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

    The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

    Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

    The blonde replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?

  11. JetGirl

    JetGirl Member

    Dec 18, 2008
    There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a talkative lawyer on an airplane when all she wanted to do was take an inflight nap...
    But the lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence instead.

    Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00.

    The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde yawned and reluctantly accepted.

    The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
    Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. Then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

    Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer while the blonde peacefully dozed.

    Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up...he woke the blonde up and paid her $50 bucks.

    The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

    Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
  12. dianalv

    dianalv New Member

    Aug 3, 2009
    Las Vegas, Nevada
    That's the one! The other one was good too. I knew there were at least two....
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