I have a little Garmin It sits there in my car A Garmin is a driver's friend It tells you where you are. I have a little Garmin I've had it most my life It’s better than the normal ones My Garmin is my wife. It gives me full instructions Especially how to drive "It's thirty miles an hour," it says "You're doing thirty-five." It tells me when to stop and start And when to use the brake And tells me that it's never ever Safe to overtake. It tells me when a light is red And when it goes to green It seems to know instinctively Just when to intervene. It lists the vehicles just in front And all those to the rear And taking this into account It specifies my gear. I'm sure no other driver Has so helpful a device For when we leave and lock the car It still gives its advice. It fills me up with counseling Each journey's pretty fraught So why don't I exchange it And get a quieter sort? Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, Makes sure I'm properly fed, It washes all my shirts and things And keeps me warm in bed! Despite all these advantages And my tendency to scoff, I do wish that once in a while I could turn the durn thing off!