need advice on unruly daughter

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by ryan42, Feb 12, 2012.

  1. ryan42

    ryan42 New Member

    Jan 28, 2012
    marion indiana
    me and my wife have been married 22 yrs we have 2 children a girl 20 and boy thats 13.My wife is very ill she is on the heart transplant list and currently has and heartmate 2 lvadd wich is half of an artificial heart.My daughter started school,quit,started school,quit,got fired from her job,got a new one ,got fired, I tell her curfew is 1am and she comes home about 4am or doesnt come home at all.I can ask her to go get me something from the store and she may or may not come home til the next day.Ive grounded her she says i cant do that cause she twenty and I say she still lives under my roof.Im teetering on kicking her out but its awful hard to do what do you guys think.Im open to suggestions anybody
  2. cpttango30

    cpttango30 Guest

    The next time she doesn't come home till the next day change the locks and put her crap on the front porch with a note that says Life sucks Good luck.

    Or just video yourself shooting her laptop and or phone.

    I seen a picture where the parents posted a note on the door. You missed curfew we changed the locks and provided you a blanket this time sweet dreams.

    She is right she is an adult you can't ground her. Weather it is in your house or not. So don't give her a bill for food, room rent, water, electric, sewer, ect.... or tell her to get a job and get her own place.

    My parents told me when I got back from basic (National Guard) to go find a place to live I got no time at all. I basically had my stuff packed and on the porch.

    Sorry if you are not in school you're not living in my house. I am fine with having my kids in the house while the attend college local (I have 2 community college and 3 uni's within driving distance) from my house. If you flunk out you have 15 days to get a job and a place to live. This living at home in your 20's is pure BS.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 12, 2012

  3. JLA

    JLA Well-Known Member

    Feb 26, 2007
    Heart Of Texas
    Shes 20 years old. Time to kick her ass out on her own IMO.
  4. howlnmad

    howlnmad Well-Known Member Supporting Member

    Nov 26, 2008
    Harriman, Tn
    I can understand the heartache that you are going through. I went through similar issues with our oldest daughter. She had seemed to have lost direction. In and out of schools, going out til wee hours, poor relationships and the what-not. We never really kicked her out but it was coming. Then she joined the Air Force. She's a completely different person now.

    Hang in there but stand your ground. She's an adult and can legally live on her own.
  5. BETH

    BETH Well-Known Member

    Jul 10, 2009
    time to tell her to get her own place once she does that maybe she will appreciate what she has at home
  6. red14

    red14 Well-Known Member

    Aug 17, 2009
    N FLA
    Right now your priority should be your wife, not child. Tell your daughter that her shennigans is putting unnecessary stress on your wife, and interferring with her chances for survival. She can either shape up and be on time or the locks are changed.

    If she doesn't come around, you don't need her there anyway, then follow Beth's advice.
  7. Double D

    Double D Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Jul 16, 2009
    North Florida
    I wouldnt put up with that crap for five minutes. I would kick her out TODAY.
  8. Rocketman1

    Rocketman1 Well-Known Member

    Jan 1, 2010
    Columbus, Ohio
    I agree with red14. Right now your top priority is your wife.
    You need to tell your daughter that as well. In stead of running around at all hours of the night, she should be doing everything she can to help you and your wife get through this difficult time.

    If she barked back at me about not being able to ground her because she is 20 years old, then I would make her help by paying her way, or kick her out simple as that. I first suggest taking her out to eat, or taking her somewhere out of the house where the two of you can be alone and have a long heart to heart about her and about your wife.
  9. ryan42

    ryan42 New Member

    Jan 28, 2012
    marion indiana
    I gotta double d Im trully thinking about
  10. ryan42

    ryan42 New Member

    Jan 28, 2012
    marion indiana
    Thats what im going to do when she comes home rockettman.
  11. ryan42

    ryan42 New Member

    Jan 28, 2012
    marion indiana
    whats imo mean JLA
  12. Bobitis

    Bobitis Guest

    That's a tough one Ryan. My son is almost 22 and still living with me. He goes to as much school as I can afford. and works about 10 hrs a week at the college he attends. I don't want him to wind up like me, working till he dies at a job he hates.

    BUT, fer all the hell he's been through, he's never been disrespectful of anyone. His mother and I got divorced about 15 years ago, and he hasn't heard from her in probably 6 years. In his mind, he has no mother. If the chance ever pops up, he refers to her by her 1st name. It's fine by him and me, but I can only imagine what his mom thinks.

    Your daughter is old enough to kick to the curb. Is that what you want? I'm guessing no. Do you ever talk to each other? Not the 'hi hows yer day been', but really talk?

    I'd sit her down and lay out the rules of engagement. She can accept them or not. Just make sure she understands it's her choice. After that, there's not much you can do. Sometimes tough love is the best. Tell her you love her, but she has to make some choices in her life. You are her parents, not her slaves.

    It's a tight rope to walk, and I wish you the best.
  13. pickenup

    pickenup Active Member

    It means....
    In my opinion.

    Which happens to be my opinion as well.
  14. geds

    geds New Member

    Mar 27, 2011
    I agree with Rocketman and Red. Take her out to eat somewhere away from the house and the missus so the inevitable drama doesn't stress her out. Don't be ugly, be caring and not accusatory. Explain you are all under a lot of stress (her actions may be her way of dealing with the stress too) and that Mom is most important now and can't be subjected to the added stress of conflict and worry. Tell her you love her, you agree she is an adult now, and that you feel it is best for all if she moves out and is own her own. Give a time line (couple of weeks or so - but a definite date) to move and offer to help her find a place and help her move.

    Don't make it ugly - even if she tries to do so. You want to be able to reconcile and hopefully she will understand and offer to help with her mom.

    Best of luck!
  15. justsomeguy

    justsomeguy New Member

    Jan 2, 2012
    Detroit Mich
    Its hard to manage sometimes but it is your daughter and its easy to say kick her out but then she comes back home pregnant no father and your sick wife!!!!!! I have always found that a true sit down and have a real heart to heart with out yelling. You have to remember that she is 20 and she wants to experience somethings you did to at one time right? Explain to her word for word why its hard to see the path she is on and how that path often leads to undesirable outcomes. The main thing is talk with her not at her talk dont preach influence like a friend not a father. Your parenting is over she is the person she is now but she needs guidence and direction rather than fighting and repermand. Explain your situation maybe its hard for here to see her mother like that so she is acting out you never know in my experience communication is key to these things and for the love of god dont give her alttamadoms think about how you and your wife acted or would act chances are it is just like you would, so now you know how to react. Imo stands for In My Opinion good luck and let us know how it works out.
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2012
Similar Threads
Forum Title Date
General Discussion need some advice Nov 27, 2016
General Discussion Need advice about setting up steel targets Mar 27, 2016
General Discussion need advice... a guy thing Apr 1, 2015
General Discussion Needing a little advice on picking a good chainsaw Aug 25, 2014
General Discussion I need plumbing advice Aug 25, 2014