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Never Take a Man Shopping!

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Lori Mick, Dec 10, 2009.

  1. Lori Mick

    Lori Mick New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    2,374
    Location:
    Stuck in Upstate NY for a while
    from RED! hehehe


    WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING
    After I retired and then went back to work my time was limited, but my wife still insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

    Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

    Dear Shopper,
    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
    9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
    And last, but not least:
    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
  2. Eddie N

    Eddie N New Member

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    Apr 23, 2009
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    1,192
    Location:
    Colorado
    Always wanted to try stuff like this.;):D:D
  3. carver

    carver Moderator

    Joined:
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    DAV, Deep in the Pineywoods of East Texas, just we
    Try it sometime, it's fun! My family does not like shopping with me along! They keep talking about how much I embarrass them?:D;)
  4. Double D

    Double D Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
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    North Florida
    Who followed glocknut around to get that info....
  5. Eddie N

    Eddie N New Member

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    Apr 23, 2009
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    1,192
    Location:
    Colorado
    Yep, still just as funny the second time around!
  6. cycloneman

    cycloneman Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2008
    Messages:
    8,284
    Location:
    Louisiana
    thanks lori

    now i have something to do
  7. Crpdeth

    Crpdeth Active Member

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    Apr 23, 2002
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    Location: Location
    Like I really needed more ideas... :D:D:D:D:D

    LOL, thanks Lori/Red


    Crpdeth
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