New Airline Rules

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Pistolenschutze, Jun 24, 2008.

  1. NEW AIRLINE RULES

    Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?

    Passenger: Sure.

    Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

    Passenger: What for?

    Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

    Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

    Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy.

    Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.

    Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?

    Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.

    Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

    Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

    Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.

    Passenger: What?

    Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

    Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.

    Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, And fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10.

    Passenger: No way!

    Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.

    Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?

    Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.

    Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this.

    Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?

    Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?

    Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the Overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

    Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?

    Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

    Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?

    Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

    Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.

    Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents.

    Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?

    Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.
  2. TranterUK

    TranterUK Guest

    Excellent Pistol, gave me a good laugh this afternoon. :)

    And I needed it after this morning. OK, but only cause you asked.

    I am really out of shape. I used to be a regular swimmer, as in six days a week at 6am regular. Anyhow its been a few years but the 100yd open air pool here just opened for the summer, so off I went to get, well a little fitter.

    Four length's later and I could hardly get out, I actually felt a little nauseous. Members, dont let it get that bad. :(

    Any how, weather permitting I will try again tomorrow. :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2008
  3. Well, for a REAL challenge, you could always try swimming off the North Sea coast of the Shetlands. I understand the waters are quite invigorating up there this time of year. Do be careful of the sharks though. :D;):p
  4. TranterUK

    TranterUK Guest

    Invigorating Pistol, I believe some brass monkeys were recently seen swimming near there! :eek:

    (do you have that saying over there? as in cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey)
  5. Oh yes, the phrase is alive and well in the "Colonies" Tranter, and in places and we even have some weather to which it is appropriate. :D Yes, it is quite cold up there in the Shetlands. I've often wondered how those poor RAF blokes and RN files patrolling for German submarines during WWII were able to withstand it day in and day out.
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