Police comments...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by glocknut, Mar 29, 2007.

  1. glocknut

    glocknut New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2003
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    12,490
    Location:
    THE FORUM MASCOTT...
    These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

    #16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

    #15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

    #14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

    #13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

    #12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

    #11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

    #10 "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

    #9 "Warning? You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

    #8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

    #7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, 'fair' is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy & corn dogs, and step in monkey poop."

    #6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

    #5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC (National Crime Information Center)."

    #4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

    #3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

    #2 "I'm glad to hear that (Police) Chief Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So, you know someone who can post your bail."

    AND THE WINNER IS....

    #1 "You didn't think we give tickets to pretty women? You're right, we don't. Sign here..."
  2. Bruce FLinch

    Bruce FLinch New Member

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    Bay Point, Kali..aka Gun Point
    Love a cop w/ a sense of Humor! :D
  3. Mike, the cop's comment was probably in response to one of the following:

    What Not to Say to a Cop
    Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

    Hey, you must've been doin' about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job!

    Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?

    You don't happen to have any beer in your car?

    "Bad Cop! No Donut!"

    Your not gonna check the trunk, are you?

    "Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalizer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"

    Did you happen to attend the "Barney Fife" Police Academy?

    Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

    I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

    Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends nightstand.

    When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the camcorder.

    I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket.

    So, uh, are you on the take, or what?

    Those sirens are hurting my ears, turn them off or I am not speaking to you.

    Gee,officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

    "Aren't you the guy from the village people"

    Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay just so one of us does.

    I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

    Sorry I can't hear you over the radio. No I am not turning it down, I love this song. Either speak up or just leave me alone.

    What do you mean have I been drinking? Your the trained specialist.

    Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

    Hey, man, you want a hit?

    Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

    Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
  4. rosierita

    rosierita Active Member

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    5,217
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    South Carolina
    HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!:D
  5. clmanges

    clmanges New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2007
    Messages:
    203
    Location:
    NE Ohio
    "Why, no, stoned, I'm not Officer!"
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