police humor

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Bobitis, Jun 8, 2009.

  1. Bobitis

    Bobitis Guest

    These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers.
    The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

    16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'

    15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'

    14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'

    13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

    12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

    11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

    10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'

    9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. '

    8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

    7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs.

    6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'

    5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

    4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'

    3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'

    2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'

    AND THE WINNER IS....

    1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'
  2. dark_falcon27

    dark_falcon27 New Member

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    Auburn, Al
    Priceless....
  3. Nighthawk

    Nighthawk New Member

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    South Central Texas
  4. AL MOUNT

    AL MOUNT Active Member

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    Cleaning my Thompson in The Foothills of the Ozark
    What a hoot.

    14 is my favorite...
  5. Mr. Nameless

    Mr. Nameless New Member

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    Coast of N.C.
    #1 is just cold.....
    BUT IT WAS GREAT, i wonder what the look on the womans face was like:D:D
  6. carver

    carver Moderator

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    DAV, Deep in the Pineywoods of East Texas, just we
    I suppose you must have a really great sence of humor to do the job they do. Otherwise, you'ld go nuts!
  7. ampaterry

    ampaterry *TFF Admin Staff Chaplain* Staff Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2008
    Messages:
    8,214
    Location:
    West Tennessee
    There is a lot of truth in this.
    I worked for ten years as an electrician in a steel mill. I was completely blown away by the number and extent of practical jokes that were done there without anyone ever cracking down on them. EVERYONE was fair game, from the general foreman on down.
    Over time, I realized that it was due to the fact that it was a very high risk job; someone was injured or killed there every now and then, it just went with the territory. Management understood that the jokes were an emotional release, and kept the stress level down, so although they certainly did not ENCOURAGE them, they did very little to stop them either.

    And BOY were there some doozies!!!
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