Problem with the girlfriend

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Nole, Apr 5, 2004.

  1. Nole

    Nole New Member

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    So here my problem.
    Not sure if this should be a nother forum or not. if it is i am sorry.

    My ccw is coming in a a couple weeks and we started talking about it. She asks so your not going to carry on you are you?

    Now I was complety dumbfounded by this question. whats the point one if you dont carry it. I told her that I was going to. Then she said even into places like walmart and the eat out. She just told me that she was uncomforatable with it. Its differant when we go to memphis TN though. She just thought that I was getting it to carry in my truck which I can already leagally do with out one. So now I have to try and explain to her the benefits of carry a weapon. I told her that there are countless numbers of crimes that have been stopped by the mear presence of a weapon. She still is uneasy about it. Any help with ideas to help her understand the significane (SP?) of this would help. Maybe some true stories. thanks for the help

    Matt
  2. Country101

    Country101 Active Member

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    Good luck, cuz. Luckily, I dont have to worry about that. My wife actually suggested that she get a CCW(she probably wotn carry though. Think she just wants it in case she gets stopped and one of my guns is left in the car.). If she did have a problem with it, I'd probably still carry and just make her deal with it. Not the best answer, by far, but that's what I'd do. Hope ya bring her around.
  3. gpostal

    gpostal Former Guest

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    Has she ever been a victim of a crime ?
    Did you have it when you met her?

    If your going to carry one ,why leave it in your car were it can get stolen ,I could maybe, just maybe , see it going into a restaurant if it made her uncomfortable

    My wife has given me static a few times ,but I remind her I was armed when we met ,and I usually win out every time
  4. Country101

    Country101 Active Member

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    Why is your gf uncomfortable with you carrying, Nole? Is she just uncomfortable with guns in general, or what?

    I dont like leavin my pistol in the car, but until I have my CCW, that's probably the best place for me to still have access to it. IT's the reason I use the locks on my doors. Otherwise, they can have the car. :D
  5. 1952Sniper

    1952Sniper New Member

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    Nole, I had the same issue with my wife when I got my CHL. In fact, I still have that problem to some degree. My current method seems to be working, though.

    I have to admit, I pulled a page from the liberal handbook. It's called "incrementalism".

    First, I got my CHL. The wife didn't mind too much, except for the cost. Then, when I wanted to start carrying somewhere, she flew off the handle. "I don't like the idea of you carrying a GUN around", blah blah blah. So I told her I would just carry it when we were going out of town, for safety on the highway. She somewhat agreed that that wasn't a bad idea. You never know when you'll get a flat tire in the middle of the night on a dark road, and some criminal might decide you're an easy victim.

    So anyway, it started with just carrying concealed when going out of town. And to be honest, there was one time when we had stopped along the interstate for her to use the restroom, where she was glad I had it. I waited in the car while she went inside. When she came back out, there were a bunch of black punks out there hanging out and talking their typical jive trash. She had to walk in front of them to get to the car. So I got out of the car and looked at her, with my hand on the bulge under my jacket. She admitted that she felt safer walking toward the car, knowing that I would shoot any of those punks that came at her.

    As she became more comfortable with the idea of me carrying a concealed handgun, I started taking it with me to places that I hadn't before. Going to eat dinner, for example. Sometimes I wouldn't even tell her until we got home that I was carrying. She'd get mad, but eventually I convinced her that there wasn't any reason to be nervous. If she didn't know I was carrying it, then no one else did either. And so for all intents and purposes, it didn't matter whether I carried it or not.

    So if she's scared of the idea of you carrying a handgun, just ease her into it. Forcing the idea isn't going to help. Just use incrementalism. Women, bless their lil' hearts, are just like horses. They tend to go crazy if you ask too much of them at one time. You just have to keep working toward your goal, but in small steps. I'm still working on getting my wife used to the idea of me carrying everywhere. It's just a matter of breaking down her fears one at a time and getting her used to it. After a while, she won't notice and probably won't even care.
  6. JohnK3

    JohnK3 New Member

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    Man, a tough issue.

    Here in Georgia, you better not take that piece into a restaurant if they serve alcohol. Against the law. WalMart? I'd have no problem carrying there.

    Have her help you pick out clothing that conceals it well. It might help calm some of her nerves if she feels that nobody else should be able to tell you're carrying.

    You might also want to point out that folks carry knives all the time, but you don't see knife fights breaking out all over the place.

    When it's time to get intimate, make sure you take the piece off outside of her view. Don't hide the fact you carry, just don't rub her nose in it.

    Most of all, talk to her and LISTEN. Find out what fears she has about you carrying. Then work with her to help her understand that she shouldn't be afraid. Maybe work into it when you're around her, rather than carrying all the time. Take it by steps. Identify high-risk situations where both of you agree that it's better for you to be armed. Then go from there. Boil that frog slowly. [grin]
  7. JohnK3

    JohnK3 New Member

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    Of course, Sniper beat me to the punch on posting pretty much the same basic concept!
  8. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

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    Nole, enroll in a handgun class together. This will serve two purposes: she will learn about handguns herself, and she will know that you have been educated as well. Check the NRA website to find one in your area.

    Get a small caliber handgun for her to take to the class, preferably a revolver, since they are less complicated. Make sure the trigger pull is not too hard, since women have smaller hands and often have more trouble with a stiff trigger.

    Has she given you any specific reasons why she doesn't want you to carry? If so, post them and we'll see what we can do to help alleviate her fears.
  9. Nole

    Nole New Member

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    well she has been scared of guns before she met me. I just about had to make her shoot a 22 pistol. But she liked it and tomarrow I am going to buy her a browning. I like the idea of warming her up to it I had never thought of it before. So she is warming up to guns in general. When we first met she would not even let me show her a gun, but now I gotta buy her one. Oh well it will be money well spent to get a new person into the sport. My license comes in in about a month so I we got a lot to talk about. But my general thought before you guys' idea was the good old philosphy of "better to have it and not need it than to not have it a need it". So i think ill start to try and warm her up with words/stories and then well see what comes of it later.

    Thanks
    Matt
  10. Nole

    Nole New Member

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    somo, i was going to get her a revolver but she likes the feel of the auto better so thats what she gets. I am going to talk to her about it when the time is right and post again about the subject in a week or so.


    Somo another question for you or Marlin well or any one else thats a MS resident. I know that it is legal to carry a weapon in your car concealled. sec 97-37-1 says you can have a weapon concealed in whole or in part in your vechile but it doesnt say if you can have it loaded. My question is what is the law on that or statue if you have heard any. I carry mine loaded but have not run into a LE to talk to him about it. If you know that would be great. Thanks

    Matt
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2004
  11. merc

    merc New Member

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    Hi Nole
    might not be good advice from me because my wife has a license to carry and I did not know she was getting it until it came in and she said"look what I got today"
    She figured since I usually carry and she accompanies mre to range often she might as well get just in case.
    Now
    what you need to do is: introduce her to firearms so she will respect them--not fear them.
    have here read some of the stories in the NRA publications, like the armed citizen in the American Rifleman.
    Buy yourself a concealed holster that actually conceals. If you are carrying correctly even she will not know you have a firearm on you.
    After bopping in and out of stores and restraunts on a day out together she sometimes asks" by the way do you have a gun with you today?"
    so I know it's undetectable
    Just my 2 cents worth
  12. 45Smashemflat

    45Smashemflat New Member

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    I had my permit when we married. I carry virtually all the time. Most times she has no idea, due to the nature of concealment. Several times she would borrow my suit-jacket when cold and discover that it was "heavy" (I carry a 38 revolver most often in some kind of Kramer pocket holster - so she would find it in the inside pocket.)

    After a local resturaunt was robbed and the patrons hearded in the back room and held at gun point while the female victims were raped - she has never complained about be carrying in public.

    All that being said, I think if you try to carry without her knowing - and then demonstrating that you were armed during the outing later and that she didn't notice - it will help with selling. I might be wrong, but I think some wives reservations are that others will see you carrying and think you are a weirdo or something. If its discrete, then its just like the pocket knife example from earlier.

    In this case, discretion really is the better part of valor....
  13. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

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    Nole, if she likes the auto better, then by all means, get her the auto. :) I only recommended the revolver because they are less complicated, and therefore less intimidating, to a novice.

    MS does allow you to carry a loaded weapon concealed in your vehicle, even without a CCW. Your vehicle is considered an extension of your home, and you are allowed to defend yourself in it the same way you would defend yourself in your home.

    I'm sure when you applied for your CCW you were given the rules and regs regarding where you may not carry concealed. Make sure you know the list backwards and forwards. One of the places not allowed is any school property (unless it is a sporting activity related to firearms). I point this out because you're a college student. Be sure you don't carry while on campus. I'm sure I didn't have to tell you that, but I'm a mother hen by nature. ;)

    Also, keep in mind that your CCW is only good while you're in MS, unless you are in a state that honors our CCW. You mentioned traveling to Memphis, and TN does honor our CCW, so you're ok there as long as you familiarize yourself with TN carry laws before you go. Don't assume they will be the same as MS. And make sure you check before traveling to any other state to see what their carry laws are and whether they honor our CCW. www.packing.org is the best site I've seen for this type of information.

    OK, I'll quit preaching now. :D
  14. fenderbender58

    fenderbender58 New Member

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    Here's an idea that might help......google search Suzzanne Gratia Hupp......and print the story and hand it to her........
  15. Remington597

    Remington597 Former Guest

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    She's a liberal. Dump her immediatly!!;)
  16. gipper

    gipper New Member

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    HAHA good one Rem
  17. Nole

    Nole New Member

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    Rem- But shes not a bleeding heart liberal. And the short year and a half I have known her she is starting to she the light. She just has to be shown to her that is all. Shes coming around. She know shoots guns. slowly but surely shell come around.

    Somo- I got the packet and have read it several times backwards and forwards. the only reason I ask was it was a little unclear to me I understood that you could have it in your vechile but was unsure if it could be loaded as the packet that sites the law does not specify that, but if its considered an extension of your home then thats pretty obvious.

    The penalty for carrrying on school grounds is a felony. Sometimes the risk would be worth it but not many. Certainly not on a college campus where the biggest problem is drunks on the road ( not going to discuss that topic here but very much against it and all who do it). Its just not worth the risk.

    As a side note in TN it is my understanding that if not a student you can have a gun in your vechile if you are picking up dropping off. But can not touch it while on the grounds. I got that from a book I bought on CCW called Legally Armed http://www.legallyarmed.com
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2004
  18. Remington597

    Remington597 Former Guest

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    We are hopeful that she realizes that its as much for her protection as it is for yours. I mean, I hope she understands your motives behind it. I can't understand how someone would be against safety and security.
    Women value the feeling of security and safety with their man. I don't understand how this could be anything, but helpful.
    It is the right of any responsible and law obiding citizen to conceal carry a firearm, anything less would be a perversion of the Constitution.
  19. Nole

    Nole New Member

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    we talked a little about it last night and it is going to be a long road to swing her. O well shell understand one day.
  20. 1952Sniper

    1952Sniper New Member

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    Here in Texas, all driveways and parking lots are specifically excluded from the definition of "property". This is so you can legally have your concealed handgun with you when you pick up your kids, for example. You might check TN and MS law to see if they have similar definitions of what constitutes property.
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