Psychiatrists

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Pat Hurley, Jan 17, 2007.

  1. Pat Hurley

    Pat Hurley Former Guest

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    Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?


















    A: Just one. But it has to want to change.

    Pat Hurley
  2. Oneida Steve

    Oneida Steve Active Member

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    Q - How many Californians?

    A - Fifty. One to change the bulb, and the other forty-nine to "share the cosmic experience".
  3. Q. How many Marines?

    A. Five. One lieutenant to change the bulb, and four noncoms in full dress blues to form the color guard. :D ;) :p

    Q. How many TFFers?

    A. Five. One host to change the bulb and four others to zap all the spammers trying to sell "new improved" bulbs in the forums. :D :rolleyes:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 18, 2007
  4. JohnK3

    JohnK3 New Member

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    Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?





    A: Two. But why in a light bulb?
  5. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

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    Mighty tight quarters, don't you think??????

    Worse than our quarters in that tiny PO Box where we reside.....:) :) :)
  6. swabjocky

    swabjocky New Member

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    How many sailors. Hmmm lets see.

    One to report the light bulb burned out.

    One to write up the 2Kilo maintenance report.

    One Chief to review and approve the 2Kilo

    One Division officer to review and approve the 2Kilo

    One Department Head to review and approve the 2kilo

    One Petty officer to assign the job.

    One to write up the tagout sheet and card.

    One Petty Officer to check the paperwork and make entry into tagout log,

    one seaman to run the sheet to the

    Chief, then to the

    Division Officer then to the

    Department Head for approval.

    Next you have one man hang the tag and

    a second to check that it is hung correctly.

    Turn off power. Open cover remove old light bulb,

    hand to safety observer to tag as possible hazmat.

    Insert new bulb. Replace cover.

    Have seaman run sheet to

    Petty Officer,

    Chief,

    Division Officer and

    Department Head to get permission to remove tag and reenergize circuit.

    Seaman and

    Petty Officer remove tag and tear in half and reenergize circuit, turn on power switch to test the light.

    Now return to the Petty Officer to clear the entry in the tagout log.

    Don't ask what happens if it's a light on the Mast.
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2007
  7. Nighthawk

    Nighthawk New Member

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  8. Deputy Dawg

    Deputy Dawg Active Member

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  9. Crpdeth

    Crpdeth New Member

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    LOL, you've been watching!


    :D
  10. southernshooter

    southernshooter New Member

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  11. Pat Hurley

    Pat Hurley Former Guest

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    Dear Lord, what have I started?!

    Pat Hurley
  12. Bruce FLinch

    Bruce FLinch New Member

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    Thanks, Pat! :eek:

    Thanks for the flashback, Swabjockey! :D
  13. Q. How many Democrats?

    A. One to make a speech mourning the passing of the poor, downtrodden, and misunderstood bulb, the victim of discrimination and Republican policies. One to to brag about how they're going to change 1000 bulbs in the first 100 hours. One to blame the electric company for supplying so much electricity that the bulb buned out. One to propose that a permanent federal holiday be declared for the passing of the bulb. One to propose that all bulbs be banned because of the danger they may present if handled improperly. One to propose a new tax be levied to pay for research into premature bulb death. At least a dozen to go on talk shows and make speeches blaming the death of the bulb on the Bush Administration. BUT, none to actually change the bloody bulb! :D ;) :p
  14. Crpdeth

    Crpdeth New Member

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  15. Oneida Steve

    Oneida Steve Active Member

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    Here's an oldie but true-ie:

    Q - How many fast food employees does it take to change a light bulb?

    A - Are you kidding? They can't even change a $10 bill !
  16. glocknut

    glocknut New Member

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    Yep, its your monster!!! :D :D :D :D

    mike
    gn
  17. Q. How many attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?

    A.

    One to argue that changing the light bulb would be hazardous to the environment.

    One to sue the light bulb manufacturer for building such a deficient bulb.

    One to lobby Congress for a new light bulb subsidy.

    One to argue that the light bulb's 1st, 4th, 5th, 6th, and 8th Amendment rights would be violated by changing it.

    Just kidding, Marlin!!!!! :D ;)
  18. henry0reilly

    henry0reilly New Member

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    How many forum members?

    How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?

    1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

    14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

    7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

    10 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

    5 to flame the spell checkers

    3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

    6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

    2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

    15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

    19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

    11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

    36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

    7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

    4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

    3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

    13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

    5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

    4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

    13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

    18 who trip over each other in their rush to say "repost!"

    1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

    1 religious nut to say that Jesus is the light of the world & we don't
    need any light bulbs.
  19. henry0reilly

    henry0reilly New Member

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    women w/ menopause

    Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!

    I'm sorry.... What was the question?
  20. henry0reilly

    henry0reilly New Member

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    Christians

    How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

    Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
    Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the
    spirit of darkness.
    Presbyterian: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
    Catholic: None. Candles only.
    Baptist: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
    Episcopalian: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.
    Mormon: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.
    Methodist: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely burned out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring the bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
    Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
    Lutheran: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
    Church of Christ: They do not use light bulbs because there is no evidence of their use in the New Testament.
    Unitarian: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your bulb for next Sunday's service, during which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
    Amish: What's a light bulb?