Puns you have been warned

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by satellite66, Aug 27, 2006.

  1. satellite66

    satellite66 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2004
    Messages:
    2,067
    Location:
    Central NJ
    1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
    The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent..

    2. A jumper cable walks into a bar.
    The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

    3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

    4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and
    says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

    6. Two cannibals are eating a clown.
    One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

    7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
    "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
    "Is it common?"
    Well, "It's Not Unusual."

    8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
    "I don't believe you," says Dolly.

    "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy..

    9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

    The kids were nothing to look at either.

    10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but
    couldn't find any.

    12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
    The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

    13. I walked into a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

    14. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    A fsh.

    15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

    16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
    Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
    "But why," they asked, as they moved off.
    "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

    18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

    19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
    This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
    No pun in ten did.
  2. southernshooter

    southernshooter New Member

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    Mar 5, 2006
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    Deep South Mississippi
    :) We need a shakin head smiley:D
  3. Bruce FLinch

    Bruce FLinch New Member

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    Aug 27, 2005
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    5,016
    Location:
    Bay Point, Kali..aka Gun Point
    :D I love # 19!:D :D
  4. pickenup

    pickenup New Member

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    Sep 11, 2002
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    6,857
    Location:
    Colorado Rocky Mountains
    Should have heeded the warning. :eek: :D
  5. inplanotx

    inplanotx New Member

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    Jan 28, 2002
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    8,889
    Location:
    Texas
    ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
  6. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2003
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    13,854
    Location:
    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    Someone has way too much time on his hands.....:D :D :D :D
  7. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2003
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    10,657
    Location:
    SW MS
    I'm gonna have to remember #10; it should come in handy often. :D
  8. glocknut

    glocknut New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2003
    Messages:
    12,490
    Location:
    THE FORUM MASCOTT...
    Not i.....

    gn
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