Ready to have kids????????????????

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Gunfyter, Jan 24, 2006.

  1. Gunfyter

    Gunfyter New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2003
    Messages:
    1,956
    Location:
    Western Maryland
    Mess Test:
    Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

    Toy Test:
    Obtain a 55 gallon box of Lego's (you may substitute roofing tacks if you wish). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold and take off shoes. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

    Grocery Store Test:
    Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

    Dressing Test:
    Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.

    Feeding Test:
    Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

    Night Test:
    Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm, begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00am. Set alarm for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

    Ingenuity Test:
    Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

    Automobile Test:
    Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the CD player. Take a family-size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a rake along both side of the car. There, perfect!

    Physical Test: (Women)
    Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Then remove the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while.

    Physical Test: (Men)
    Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.


    :eek: :D :D
  2. inplanotx

    inplanotx New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2002
    Messages:
    8,889
    Location:
    Texas
  3. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Messages:
    13,856
    Location:
    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    :D

    Attached Files:

  4. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2003
    Messages:
    10,657
    Location:
    SW MS
    Sure am glad I'm past all that!! :D
  5. pickenup

    pickenup Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2002
    Messages:
    6,858
    Location:
    Colorado Rocky Mountains
    Someone "here" needs to read this. ;)
    Oh well, he will find out. :D
  6. Deputy Dawg

    Deputy Dawg Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,377
    Location:
    Central Texas Gulf Coast
    :D :D :D ,....................... boy that is the truth.
Similar Threads
Forum Title Date
The Pump House Saloon Is everybody ready for Mardi Gras Feb 15, 2012
The Pump House Saloon The Navy's Always Ready May 8, 2011
The Pump House Saloon Your prescription is ready . . . Mar 17, 2009
The Pump House Saloon Ready from Day one Apr 1, 2008
The Pump House Saloon Might have posted already.,..maybe not... Nov 12, 2007

Share This Page