Reasons to be a guy

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Gunfyter, Apr 14, 2006.

  1. Gunfyter

    Gunfyter New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2003
    Messages:
    1,956
    Location:
    Western Maryland
    Reasons it's great to be a guy
    ----------------------------------
    1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
    3. You know stuff about tanks.
    4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
    5. Monday Nite Football.
    6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
    7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
    8. You can open all your own jars.
    9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
    10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
    11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to
    stop at every shot of someone crying.
    12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
    13. All your orgasms are real.
    14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
    15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
    16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
    17. You understand why 'Stripes' are funny.
    18. You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
    19. Your last name stays put.
    20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
    21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that
    everyone secretly hates you.
    22. You can kill your own food.
    23. The garage is all yours.
    24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
    26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
    27. You never have to clean the toilet.
    28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
    29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
    30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she
    can still be your friend.
    32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
    33. The National College Cheerleading Championship
    34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
    35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
    36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
    37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
    38. You can write your name in the snow.
    39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
    40. Everything on your face stays its original color.
    41. Chocolate is just another snack.
    42. You can be president.
    43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
    44. Flowers fix everything.
    45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
    46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
    47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
    48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
    49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
    50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
    51. Foreplay is optional.
    52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
    53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
    54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
    55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader
    is coming by.
    56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
    57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    58. You don't give a rat's ass if nobody notices your new haircut.
    59. You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without
    even thinking. "He must be mad at me".
    60. The world is your urinal.
    61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is
    about to leave you.
    62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
    63. Hot wax never comes near you pubic area.
    64. One mood, all the time.
    65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look
    like him.
    66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's
    just too scary.
    67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
    68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
    69. Same work....more pay.
    70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
    71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch
    adjustment.
    72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
    73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
    74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's
    population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
    75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
    76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
    77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
    78. People never glance at your chest when your talking to them.
    79. ESPN's sports center.
    80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
    81. Bachelor parties whoop ass over bridal showers.
    82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
    83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
    84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
    85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell
    your friends you've changed.
    86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
    87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F... it!"
    88. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might
    become lifelong buddies.
    89. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.
    90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
    91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in
    the mood.
    92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
    93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer
    and throw it across the room.
    94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
    96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
    97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
    98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So ....notice any
    thing different?"
    99. There is always a game on somewhere.
    100. Baywatch
    :D :D :D
  2. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

    Joined:
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    SW MS
  3. firebird

    firebird New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2005
    Messages:
    1,233
    Location:
    In the recesses of my little mind...
    Hmm...well over half of that stuff could pertain to me...interesting...
  4. wolfgang2000

    wolfgang2000 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2005
    Messages:
    542
    Location:
    Mountain Grove MO.
    :D :D :D :D :D :D

    Firebird, which half? :rolleyes: :D :D

    But if NOW has their way it wil all be illegal soon. :eek: :D :D :D
  5. Bruce FLinch

    Bruce FLinch New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2005
    Messages:
    5,015
    Location:
    Bay Point, Kali..aka Gun Point
    101. Nobody is surprised if you have a gun. :D
  6. southernshooter

    southernshooter New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2006
    Messages:
    5,956
    Location:
    Deep South Mississippi
  7. firebird

    firebird New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2005
    Messages:
    1,233
    Location:
    In the recesses of my little mind...
    Well Wolfie...lemme see...

    13
    18
    19
    20
    21
    22
    25
    26 (hehe)
    29
    31
    34
    42 (I CAN be president)
    46
    51 (although highly recommended)
    52
    53 (cuz I'm usually telling em)
    55
    56
    57
    61
    62
    64
    73
    80
    85
    87
    91
    92
    93

    hehe... :D


  8. ibtrukn

    ibtrukn New Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2001
    Messages:
    4,335
    Location:
    central N.J.
    mmmmmmmm :cool:
  9. firebird

    firebird New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2005
    Messages:
    1,233
    Location:
    In the recesses of my little mind...
    So, in other words...the SEX half!! :D

  10. wolfgang2000

    wolfgang2000 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2005
    Messages:
    542
    Location:
    Mountain Grove MO.
    With out getting in WAY over my head, I'll take your word for it!! :eek: :eek: :D :D :D :D
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