Redneck Church

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Marlin, Oct 13, 2004.

  1. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    13,850
    Location:
    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee
    refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of
    the members knows how to play one.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people ask, when they learn
    that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and
    what bait was used to catch 'em

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... when the pastor says, "I'd
    like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women
    stand up.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.. opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... a member of the church
    requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir is known as the
    "OK Chorale".

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.. in a congregation of 500
    members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Baptism is referred to as
    "branding".

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... high notes on the organ set
    the dogs on the floor to howling.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people think "rapture" is
    what you get when you lift something too heavy.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2
    galvanized washtub.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the collection plates are
    really hub caps from a '56 Chevy

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... instead of a bell, you are
    called to service by a duck call.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the minister and his wife
    drive matching pickup trucks.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the communion wine is
    Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... "Thou shalt not covet"
    applies to hunting dogs, too.

    You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the final words of the
    benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"
  2. pickenup

    pickenup Active Member

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  3. 1952Sniper

    1952Sniper New Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Texas
    That fourth one definitely applies to churches in my town.
  4. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2003
    Messages:
    10,656
    Location:
    SW MS
    Heck, I was baptised in the preacher's cow pond. :p
    (and yes, I'm serious!)
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