Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Marlin, Oct 16, 2004.

  1. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    Mar 27, 2003
    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    The Institute of Theoretical and Applied Feline Physics has identified the following immutable laws of Physics as apply to Cats:

    Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the sound of a can opening.

    Law of Cat Magnetism: All black, blue, and dark brown clothing, especially sweaters, attracts cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

    Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

    Law of Cat Extension: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

    Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable as possible for the people and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

    Law of Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance to obedience is in inverse proportion to a human's desire for it to do something.

    Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

    Law of Cat Elongation: A cat will elongate its body sufficiently to reach any countertop or furniture that has anything remotely interesting on it.

    Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant speed, until he gets good and ready to stop.

    Law of Selective Listening: Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened at a distance of half a mile, it cannot hear a simple command three feet away.

    Law of Equidistant Separation: All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.

    Law of Rug Configuration: No rug in proximity to a cat may remain in a flat state.

    Law of Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

    Law of Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek and occupy the most comfortable spot in any given room.

    Law of Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

    Law of Feline Space-Time: Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.

    Law of Concentration of Mass: A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap it occupies.

    Law of Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

    Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

    Law of Cat Obedience: As yet undiscovered.
  2. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

    Jan 1, 2003
    SW MS
  3. Pistolsmith

    Pistolsmith New Member

    Feb 14, 2004
    Sounds just like Jerry.
  4. Gunfyter

    Gunfyter New Member

    Mar 25, 2003
    Western Maryland
    Hmm, me thinks these are the laws as they pertain to "Bob". :D :D
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