Rules of CAT PHYSICS

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Marlin, Oct 16, 2004.

  1. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

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    The Institute of Theoretical and Applied Feline Physics has identified the following immutable laws of Physics as apply to Cats:


    Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the sound of a can opening.

    Law of Cat Magnetism: All black, blue, and dark brown clothing, especially sweaters, attracts cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

    Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

    Law of Cat Extension: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

    Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable as possible for the people and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

    Law of Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance to obedience is in inverse proportion to a human's desire for it to do something.

    Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

    Law of Cat Elongation: A cat will elongate its body sufficiently to reach any countertop or furniture that has anything remotely interesting on it.

    Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant speed, until he gets good and ready to stop.

    Law of Selective Listening: Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened at a distance of half a mile, it cannot hear a simple command three feet away.

    Law of Equidistant Separation: All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.

    Law of Rug Configuration: No rug in proximity to a cat may remain in a flat state.

    Law of Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

    Law of Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek and occupy the most comfortable spot in any given room.

    Law of Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

    Law of Feline Space-Time: Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.

    Law of Concentration of Mass: A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap it occupies.

    Law of Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

    Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

    Law of Cat Obedience: As yet undiscovered.
  2. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

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  3. Pistolsmith

    Pistolsmith New Member

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    Sounds just like Jerry.
  4. Gunfyter

    Gunfyter New Member

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    Hmm, me thinks these are the laws as they pertain to "Bob". :D :D
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