Southern Etiquette

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by warpig, Feb 24, 2003.

  1. warpig

    warpig Guest

    cointoss 2
    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 543
    (3/23/02 8:49:29 pm)
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    Southern Etiquette
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    Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
    Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodine, Ovine,Luther Ray, Tammy Lynn, Daria Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Bobby Joe, Sissy, etc.).
    If you laugh, we will kick your ass.

    Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. Down here, it's called Coke. Nobody gives a rat's ass whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7--Up or whatever - it's still a Coke.
    Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass-kicking.

    We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you think (Welty,Williams, Faulkner, etc.). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer.... Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass.

    We have plenty of business sense (FedEx, Turner Broadcasting, MCI, WorldCom, MTV, Netscape, and yes, Wal-Mart.) Naturally, we do, sometimes have small lapses in judgement (Carter, Edwards, Duke, Clinton).
    We don't care if you think we are dumb...we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate.
    If someone tried that, we'd kick their ass.

    Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.

    We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up.
    Just spend your money and go home, or we'll kick you ass.

    Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended -with gravy.
    And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.

    Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot and you'll get your ass kicked.

    Don't talk about how much better things are up north. Many of us have visited ratholes like Detroit, Chicago and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta Airlines is ready when you are.
    Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.

    Yes, we know how to use proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't give a damn if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your ass.

    Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught on fire recently. If you disparage our scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.

    Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say "Sir" and "Ma'am". We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little grey-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.

    So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass.

    Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked).

    Consider yourself lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbecue and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass


    Borrowed from another forum
    cointoss2

    Different name
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    (3/23/02 9:52:09 pm)
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    ezSupporter
    Re: Southern Etiquette
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    AW RIGHT ..... YA ALL!
    I'm
    not gonna pick on any of ya Cotton Pickers"...
    But, I sure wud liak ta buy summa yourin
    sorghum molasses.
    Wudja take Rooster just rung and plucked fer tradin
    yer goods?
    Charlie D
    Yankee Mule Trader Magnifico *














    Great post cointoss...


    cointoss 2
    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 544
    (3/23/02 10:08:37 pm)
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    Re: Southern Etiquette
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    Sure would Charlie when do you want to trade for the squeezins?
    cointoss2

    Darla so Dreadly
    Member
    Posts: 39
    (3/24/02 7:16:32 pm)
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    Re: Southern Etiquette
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    I'd like to print this up as my manifesto and hand it out to people when they ask me where I'm from! Duh, florida was in the south before everyone from the north decided to move down here... grrrr!

    "Gif me a visky, ginger ale on the side. And don't be stingy, baby."

    AGunguy
    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 1592
    (3/24/02 7:50:41 pm)
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    Yeah, they moved in on you from the land and the sea.

    You can have it, we got enough trouble with the southerners from Illinois moving in on us up here. Weird bunch of uncouth louts with bad manners.

    Us cheeseheads are more laid back and take things a little slower.

    GG
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