Southern Girls Know....

Discussion in 'The Beau Coupe Dien Cai Dau Hootch' started by Guest, Mar 2, 2003.

  1. Guest

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    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 58
    (4/15/01 4:12:38 pm)
    | Del All Southern Girls Know....
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    Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:

    Drinking straight out of a can

    Not sending thank you notes

    Velvet after February

    White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day


    Southern girls know the three types of school:

    Ballroom, Ballet, Charm


    Southern girls appreciate their natural assets:

    Dewy skin

    A winning smile

    That unforgettable Southern drawl


    Southern girls know their manners:

    "Yes, ma'am"

    "Yes, sir"

    "Why, no, Billy!"


    Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:

    "Y'all come back!"

    "Well, bless your heart."

    "Drop by when you can."

    "How's your mother?"

    "Love your hair."


    Southern girls don't sweat .... They glisten


    Southern girls know their summer weather report:

    Humidity

    Humidity

    Humidity


    Southern girls know their three R's:

    Rich

    Richer

    Richest


    Southern girls know their vacation spots:

    The Beach

    The Beach

    The Beach


    Southern girls know the joys of June, July, and August:

    Summer tans

    Wide brimmed hats

    Strapless sun dresses


    Southern girls know everybody's first name:

    Honey

    Darlin'

    Sugah


    Southern girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:

    Gone With the Wind

    Fried Green Tomatoes

    Driving Miss Daisy

    Steel Magnolias


    Southern girls know their religions:

    Baptist

    Methodist

    Football


    Southern girls know the seasons:

    Recruiting

    Spring Training

    Practice

    Football

    Needlework


    Southern girls know their country breakfasts:

    Red-eye gravy

    GRITS

    Country ham

    Mouth watering homemade biscuits


    Southern girls know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

    Charleston

    Savannah

    New Orleans

    Birmingham


    Southern girls know their elegant gentlemen:

    Men in uniform

    Men in tuxedos

    Rhett Butler, of course


    Southern girls know their prime real estate:

    The Mall

    The Country Club

    The Beauty Salon


    Southern girls can teach anyone to flirt:

    Slowly lower your eyelashes

    Listen carefully to everything he says

    Speak r-e-a-l slow


    Southern girls know the three deadly sins:

    Bad hair

    Bad manners

    Bad blind dates

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 598
    (4/15/01 6:42:00 pm)
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    Sharon,

    I can't relate. I'm just not familiar with that
    "SOUTHERN CHARM".



    Donna

    Copr6
    Moderator
    Posts: 81
    (4/15/01 8:56:15 pm)
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    Sharon...my daughter acknowledges the above! But do add Memphis to the list! And any reference to football must be preceded by "Go Vols". LOL!!

    Edited by: Copr6 at: 4/16/01 4:07:25 am

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 264
    (4/18/01 6:28:46 pm)
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    Oh My!
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 68
    (4/18/01 7:06:55 pm)
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    , Donna!

    Well....I can teach ya this...all you gotta say is "Ya'll"...
    or...YAOWNTO?

    Sharon

    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 69
    (4/18/01 7:08:04 pm)
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    Adds Memphis to the list. (Never been there but would love to!)

    Go VOLS! GO BEARCATS! GO COWBOYS!

    Sharon

    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 70
    (4/18/01 7:09:14 pm)
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    Oh, Fiddle Dee Dee!

    (Homer is thinkin' Scarlet O'Hara)

    I'll think about this tomorrow. After all...tomorrow is another day!

    Sharon

    Indybear57
    Moderator
    Posts: 186
    (4/18/01 8:53:19 pm)
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    Famous last words of a redneck: "Hey y'all! Watch this!"

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 620
    (4/18/01 9:14:51 pm)
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    Thanks Sharon, Think I got that Southern Charm goin' on
    now girl....

    GO SKINS!!!!!!!!

    Whatever happened to great rivalry between Dallas and
    Washington--Roger Staubach and Sonny Jurgensen. Remember
    those days! What great games they played--both teams.
    Then along came the WUS--Danny White...ha!





    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 272
    (4/20/01 12:10:03 pm)
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    Donna...Landry vs Allen or Gibbs...always my favorite rivalry and favorite division.Love you kid...love to hate the Skins...old Colt fan here,and that used to be a good rivalry with Unitas and Jurgenson too.
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    Edited by: homer4 at: 4/20/01 1:11:25 pm

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 273
    (4/20/01 12:34:42 pm)
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    Sharon...Never was there a greater spirited,raven haired sass than Vivien...Ashley was an idiot...Scarlet had my heart out on her porch,the day of the Wilkes's Barbeque with the other fellas that had gathered around to hang on her every word.Oh My!

    However,for an extremely,extremely,extremely close second,if there has to be a first vs second,which I hate to elevate one over the other...................Maureen O'Hara is without a doubt a woman amongst women.Ahhhh,that brazen,buxom gal with the thoroughly thick red mane.Another Oh My!
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    Edited by: homer4 at: 4/20/01 1:36:39 pm

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 626
    (4/20/01 6:58:50 pm)
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    Homer,

    Landry vs Allen--that's when the rivalry began, I think.
    Sonny lives about 4/5 miles from me. My home is not quite
    as gorgeous as his--lol! His mansion overlooks the Potomac
    and mine don't. I see him around--was at many Skins games he played, have a ton of pictures (old) of him, Billy Kilmer and Joe Theismann, just when Joe began his career with the Skins.

    Sonny and his family were patients in the medical office I
    worked in--he autographed our x-ray room walls--the Doctors
    were pretty upset--I didn't care. As a matter of fact,
    one was so mad at me, I filled his car with helium
    balloons, salted his coffee (major like), and wrapped his car in toilet paper, sprinkled it with water.

    Then we came to an understanding--it was really quite
    simple--don't mess with me!

    Boom Boom


    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 627
    (4/20/01 7:02:32 pm)
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    I agree Homer! Maureen O'Hara was one brazen hussy.

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 628
    (4/20/01 7:33:29 pm)
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    Homer,

    I hate to break your heart, but I must!

    Scarlett O'Hara was a simple-minded, sniveling, conniving
    little witch. lol! Vivien Leigh was a different story.

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 279
    (4/21/01 8:40:02 am)
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    Yeah,she was a tad bit bitchy I suppose.Scarlett and Vivien are forever entwinned it's been said...I happen to agree.What an absolute drop dead gorgeous creature and oozes spunk...I like woman with spunk.

    Don't much care for many of the actresses these days...I get creamed all the time for liking Sigourney Weaver however.

    Annette Funicello...1st love!,and still prefer Skippy...she convinced me for all time...she would never tell me a lie.
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 280
    (4/21/01 8:50:43 am)
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    Sonny was a class guy! I liked George Allen...he put the program together there,and a very good one too.Loved the Rah-Rah stuff!He certainly got the most out of his players like only a few coaches have been able to do.Man they were great years when the Cowboys and Skins would hook up.I would like to see them recapture it.Ain't nothin the same anymore...no team play hardly...everyone jumpin at the bucks...piss on em.Take me back and plop me down.things ain't the same.
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    Remf
    Moderator
    Posts: 148
    (4/21/01 9:21:42 am)
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    Hey Homer, have you noticed ? Donna seems to haver a mean streak in her.

    Donna, what did you sprinkle that TP with? Are you sure it was just water?

    Edited by: Remf at: 4/21/01 10:23:07 am

    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 73
    (4/21/01 11:15:46 am)
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    In '97, I was in DC for a Veteran's group Reunion over Veteran's Day week. I had taken my daughter with me, and she was a high school student. One of the requirements of her teachers' for allowing her to make this trip was for her to visit the Smithsonian. So...on Sunday morning, we boarded the metro to go down to the Smithsonian. Got on board,
    looked for a seat..and all I saw was people dressed in maroon and gold. Maroon and gold everywhere! A sea of maroon and gold!

    I was mighty tempted to jump out in the middle of the aisle and say "HI! Ya'll! I'm from Dallas! Ya'll goin' to the game?" (They weren't playin' Dallas that day, but didn't figure that that would matter much!) But, then I thought better of tryin' to test that rivalry theory.

    Coach Landry was a real gentleman, and it still gets my panties in a wad the way he was treated when Jerry Jones bought the Cowboys.

    Sharon

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 633
    (4/21/01 11:38:18 am)
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    Hey TShooters,

    Had you jumped out in the aisle and said that, trust me, it
    would have mattered regardless of who the Skins were
    playing. I don't know it to be a fact, but it is said
    that the Skins have the greatest fans of any team.

    Hope you enjoyed your visit to Washington anyway.


    Donna

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 634
    (4/21/01 11:46:44 am)
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    Your absolutely right Homer. Football has lost most of
    the excitement as we used to know it. I still watch it,
    but can do without it now.

    Sonny and Billy were party boys in those days, always in trouble.

    I think Joe Gibbs was a great coach. Jack Pardee's
    coaching left a lot to be desired. Let me include
    Norv Turner in there with Jack Pardee.


    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 635
    (4/21/01 12:00:52 pm)
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    I agree about Annette. A woman with CLASS!



    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 76
    (4/23/01 9:58:39 am)
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    Donna,

    Well...that little devil was sittin' on my shoulder, sayin' "Go ahead! Why not!"
    I said to him "Well...some excitement would be fun. But, what you think I am? CRAZY????"
    Besides, I promised hubby I wouldn't be callin' home for bail money.

    Sharon

    Indybear57
    Moderator
    Posts: 207
    (4/23/01 10:11:11 am)
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    Homer-BIG ditto on the first love. She just looked so cute in those little Mickey Mouse ears and tight white sweater! Of course, I was all of about six at the time. (Looked pretty good after she grew up too!)

    Mike L

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 655
    (4/23/01 7:47:21 pm)
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    I'm with you Sharon--got that little devil in me too.

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 296
    (4/24/01 7:07:23 am)
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    From reading their posts,it looks like Bree,Sharon,Hope and Donna all have quite a bit of that sass there Phil.I can't say this about Patty yet,cause I haven't seen much of her posts...but it wouldn't surprise me if she draws her bucket from the same well...must be something in the water Phil,huh.


    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 298
    (4/24/01 7:55:59 am)
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    And what a sweater it was there Mike! Hehheh,remember the Beach movies...the Big Kahuna and the bad guys in leather...the Rat Patrol.Oh me!.Annette looked nice in a two piece too.They did a Return type movie with her and Frankie Avalon some years back and your right Mike ...she still looked great!

    Seen an iinterview with her a couple of years ago...it's sad that she has contacted an absolutely dibilitating disease,confining her to a wheel chair and not having control of her body movement.Sad
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 78
    (4/26/01 5:38:01 pm)
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    What did you say, Homer?? Quite a bit of.....????

    Oh...nevah mind....I mis-read it....need to get my bifocals changed!

    (just helping Homer get in trouble)

    Sharon




    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 79
    (4/26/01 5:46:52 pm)
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    Donna,

    Loved visiting DC. Too much to see and do there in a short week. Hope to get back there
    again sometime in the very near future...maybe for Veterans Day this year. Wanted to go this past year, but was suffering from one of those old Hawaiian diseases....lackamoolah.

    Sharon



    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 674
    (4/26/01 6:07:27 pm)
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    Sharon,

    Lackamoolah----come to D.C., the worst that can happen
    is we get locked up..let me know!


    Donna

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 333
    (4/26/01 8:58:11 pm)
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    My middle name kid.
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 687
    (4/28/01 9:35:30 am)
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    Hey, we all know about that at some point. You
    being so close by, I thought if Sharon and I got locked
    up, you would come to the rescue of two damsels in
    distress and bail us out.

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 351
    (4/28/01 10:38:27 am)
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    In a heartbeat for you two,course it ain't gonna come cheap.What with the hour drive,gas,tolls,bail...we'll work out something.Hehheh!
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 691
    (4/28/01 2:07:39 pm)
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    Unlisted phone number, huh? Moved, left no forwarding.
    Please leave a message at that sound of the beep.

    Sharon, I think we're on our own.

    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 81
    (4/28/01 2:35:30 pm)
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    Would love to, Donna!

    And, if we can't get some of these guys to come bail us out, I know this little hole-in-the-wall bar where we can call out the Marines! They like to hang out there, and are a real friendly bunch. One of them likes to dance, and will dance with more than one gal at a time...so we can have a threesome!

    (Boogies to the tune of American Band) Now...These fine ladies..they had a plan...

    Sharon

    Edited by: TShooters at: 4/28/01 3:42:59 pm

    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 82
    (4/28/01 2:41:51 pm)
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    Thought you might need a little help there, Homer.

    Sharon

    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 84
    (4/28/01 7:43:15 pm)
    | Del More Thangs Southerners Know...
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    Things Only a True Southerner Knows:

    The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.

    What general direction cattywumpus is.

    How long "directly" is --- As in "Going to town, be back directly."

    That "gimme sugar" don't mean pass the sugar.

    The best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of
    cold tater salad.

    The difference between "pert' near" and "a right fur piece".

    The differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

    Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually
    going to make a turn.

    You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up past the
    elbows.

    You should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody...no how.

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 361
    (4/29/01 6:46:03 am)
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    ...threesome!,she said...I heard her say Threesome! THREESOME! WWWHHHOOOAAAAAAAAAAA!,the room begins to spin...he swoons,the room goes black and Homer slumps to the floor.
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 696
    (4/29/01 9:01:16 am)
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    Dat's a dang good'un TShooters.

    We made Homer a happy man. Well, not yet!

    Remf
    Moderator
    Posts: 157
    (4/29/01 1:13:35 pm)
    | Del Re: More Thangs Southerners Know...
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    I've been living in NC for 23 years & still haven't found where "over yonder" is.

    Copr6
    Moderator
    Posts: 98
    (4/29/01 4:25:34 pm)
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    Remmie..."over yonder" is your final destination! All you have to do is follow your nose! LOL!!

    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 87
    (4/29/01 4:56:41 pm)
    | Del Re: More Thangs Southerners Know...
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    , Donna!

    Did ya notice that Homer only heard the part he wanted to hear...before that he was hardly payin' attention.

    Should we tell him we were only talkin' about dancin' with Marines???????
    He did make a big "thud", didn't he?? Should we break out the smelling salts??
    Hmm....decisions...decisions.........

    Sharon


    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 88
    (4/29/01 5:04:19 pm)
    | Del Re: More Thangs Southerners Know...
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    , Copr6!

    Points over yonder to show Remf where over yonder is. Walks over yonder to demonstrate where (TA DAAAA!) over yonder is....but over yonder moved over yonder. Tries, once again, to get over yonder to show Remf where over yonder is.
    :::sigh::::

    Looks over yonder at Remf and says,

    "It's an elusive thing, Remf."

    Sharon

    Copr6
    Moderator
    Posts: 99
    (4/29/01 6:25:19 pm)
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    Sharon...sometimes your "over yonder" and really don't realize it! LOL!!

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 365
    (4/29/01 6:31:40 pm)
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    Hehheh,very clever with "over yonder" Sharon.Have the same problem here Phil,I too am at a loss.Hehheh

    Are you a college basketball fan Phil? North Carolina has had a tremendous history with competitive teams,and I'm a huge ACC fan...since a teen.
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 700
    (4/29/01 7:02:20 pm)
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    It's Homer's dream, let him finish it!

    Remf
    Moderator
    Posts: 158
    (4/29/01 8:39:02 pm)
    | Del Re: More Thangs Southerners Know...
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    Homer: I never could get into basketball. Never could run & dribble at the same time. (a ball anyway)

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 370
    (4/30/01 9:19:23 am)
    | Del Re:dribble
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    Hehheh Phil,to (a ball anyway).
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 371
    (4/30/01 9:39:35 am)
    | Del Re: Re:dribble
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    Sir! Sir! Are you alright? Sir!

    He sure hit the floor awful hard! Yeah,he sure did,said another and luckily he's not bleeding,thank goodness! Looks like he'll be OK tho...by the size of that smile he has on his face.

    Yes!,I noticed that...still,I believe he needs some sort of medical attention,remarked the first and called out loudly...Is there a Doctor or NURSE in the house?
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 89
    (5/1/01 8:32:01 am)
    | Del Re: More Thangs Southerners Know...
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    Copr6,


    Sometimes it helps to be a little bit "over yonder".
    I'm a kid in an "over the hill" body.

    Sharon

    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 90
    (5/1/01 8:38:09 am)
    | Del Re: Re:dribble
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    Oh, Me...look at that huge smile on Homer's face. He must be havin'
    a heckuva dream.

    Sharon

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 377
    (5/1/01 10:03:25 am)
    | Del RE: Dreaming
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    Hehheh!

    Daves been out catchin a few Donna,hows bout you there? I can't... tied up here with something.

    Anyone else here been out fishing lately?

    Sharon...looks like we have the same mirror.
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    Edited by: homer4 at: 5/1/01 11:04:54 am
  2. Guest

    Guest Guest

    dap22
    Senior Chief Moderator II
    Posts: 384
    (5/1/01 10:37:56 am)
    | Del Re: RE: Dreaming
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    Is it "yonder" or "chonder"?......I hear the latter one more often.

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 718
    (5/1/01 6:37:53 pm)
    | Del Re: RE: Dreaming
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    Dave,

    You are correct, it is right chonder, as in right yonder.
    "Over yonder" and "right chonder" means within viewing distance.

    I reckon it jist dapends on whur ya took yur skoolin frum!

    dap22
    Senior Chief Moderator II
    Posts: 385
    (5/1/01 7:39:36 pm)
    | Del Re: RE: Dreaming
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    Welllll.....Ah thot so. Thank ye fer settin me strate.

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 719
    (5/1/01 7:58:17 pm)
    | Del Re: RE: Dreaming
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    I know you knew, I wanted you to know I knew. Now we
    both know we knew.


    Boom Boom

    Remf
    Moderator
    Posts: 160
    (5/1/01 8:31:11 pm)
    | Del Yonder
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    Just as I thought not even the true blue southerners know where yonder/chonder is. I think it's a plot to try to confuse the poor yankee. I'm going to tell all my compadres of this!

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 724
    (5/1/01 10:19:35 pm)
    | Del Re: Yonder
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    I'm tellin you what's the truth, now them's some fancy
    words in your post. Did you hear them over yonder?

    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 93
    (5/2/01 8:37:13 am)
    | Del Re: Yonder
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    , Remf!

    We say "over yonder" in Texas. We also say we're "fixin' to" when we're describing
    something we're preparing to do ...like "I'm fixin' to go to town". "Goin' to town" has
    several different meanings. And, if I invite you to go, too...I'll say "ya own to"...meaning "do you want to?" (I never really noticed that until I heard Jeff Foxworthy !!!!
    )

    Sufficiently confuzed, so far, for a early Wednesday morning ?????

    We hosted a German exchange student, as part of a short exchange program for
    my daughter's H/S German class (daughter got to go to Germany on this, too).
    German kids begin to learn English in their schools at a very early age. When
    Sabrina arrived, she was very nervous about her English, but we had her saying
    "Ya'll" within a very short time! Very proud of that!


    Sharon



    Tac401
    Administrator
    Posts: 590
    (5/2/01 10:28:01 am)
    | Del
    ezSupporter
    Re: Yonder
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    Having spent my Law Enforcement tour in TN we used
    lingo like "You gonna carry me down there?"=(you gonna
    give me a ride?) and "I'll holler at ya later!"=(I'll
    talk to ya later!).
    The Firearms Forum Vietnam Memories Bulletin Board Contact Administrator

    Copr6
    Moderator
    Posts: 110
    (5/3/01 6:55:26 am)
    | Del Re: Yonder
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    Have any of y'all gone Snipe hunting? (not to be confused with sniper)

    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 97
    (5/3/01 9:59:41 am)
    | Del Re: Yonder
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    Sure haven't got to go hunting for snipe, Copr6. Can't find a bag big enough for the Texas sized ones.

    Sharon

    Misterstan
    Moderator
    Posts: 77
    (5/3/01 10:13:44 am)
    | Del Re: Yonder
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    Sharon,

    Don't tell me your from Texas! I hear the mosquitoes are so big there they have sex with the birds.

    Please check your mailbox. I tried to send you a message and it came back saying your mailbox was full.

    Would like to see if I can locate your friend Mike Nash in St. Clair Shores.

    Stan Lambert
    St. Clair Shores, Michigan

    TShooters
    Registered User
    Posts: 99
    (5/3/01 12:02:16 pm)
    | Del Re: Yonder
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    HI! Stan.

    Yep..from Texas...where things are **BIGGER**!

    Mikey Nash passed away a couple of years ago. Was just wonderin' if you
    had perhaps known him.

    Use Netscape Mail, and have been getting some error messages when using the browser.
    Don't know if that would affect Mail, but I'll clean out some stuff. Try to send again, when
    you can.

    Sharon



    TShooters
    Member
    Posts: 111
    (5/7/01 10:10:44 am)
    | Del A Texas Redneck's Advice on Life
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    A TEXAS REDNECK'S ADVICE ON LIFE...

    1. Don't squat with your spurs on.

    2. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

    3. Lettin' the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

    4. Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

    5. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

    6. If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.

    7. A good horse never comes in a bad color.

    8. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot
    him....The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

    9. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

    10. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

    11. Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

    12. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

    13. Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.

    14. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

    15. Always drink upstream from the herd.

    16. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

    17. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

    18. Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but you might need to know
    what it was.

    19. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

    20. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

    21. There are three kinds of men:
    1. The one that learns from reading.
    2. The one that learns from observation.
    3. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

    TShooters
    Member
    Posts: 112
    (5/7/01 10:15:28 am)
    | Del A Texas Redneck's Dickshunary
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    HEIDI - noun. Greeting.

    HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
    Usage: "Heidi, hire yew?"

    BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
    Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

    JAWJUH - noun. The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
    Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

    BAMMER - noun. The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.
    Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

    MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
    Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't head from him in munts."

    THANK - verb. Ability to cognitively process.
    Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

    BARE - noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
    Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

    IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
    Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!"

    RANCH - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
    Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

    ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
    Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

    FAR - noun. A conflagration.
    Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

    TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
    Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

    TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
    Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

    RETARD - verb. To stop working.
    Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

    FAT - noun, verb.
    1. A battle or combat.
    2. To engage in battle or combat.
    Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n' n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

    RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
    Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

    FARN - adjective. Not local.
    Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed...mus' be from some farn country."

    DID - adjective. Not alive.
    Usage: "He's did, Jim."

    EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.
    Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ear!"

    BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
    Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

    JEW HERE - noun and verb contraction.
    Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

    HAZE - a contraction.
    Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."

    SEED - verb, past tense of "to see."

    VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
    Usage: "I ain't never seed New York, view?"

    Misterstan
    Moderator
    Posts: 102
    (5/7/01 10:44:43 am)
    | Del Re: A Texas Redneck's Dickshunary
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Sharon,

    You've got too much time on your hands.

    Put down that ATM card or I'm calling 911.

    Misterstan

    TShooters
    Member
    Posts: 113
    (5/7/01 11:15:27 am)
    | Del Re: A Texas Redneck's Dickshunary
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Who?? ME????

    I am rather quick on the draw with a Mastercard.
    But..but..but..if you call 911, the firetruck will come, too, and
    the neighbors will think I've been cookin' again!

    Sharon

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 470
    (5/7/01 11:25:35 am)
    | Del Re: A Texas Redneck's Dickshunary
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I like em Sharon and two useful posts for life...common sence and humour.Good stuff!Hehheh!

    Hey!,just figured out what Ole Bartal's name in Texas Reneckesse means...Borrowed Oil! Hehheh!
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    Genog
    Moderator
    Posts: 84
    (5/17/01 1:04:11 pm)
    | Del Re: A Texas Redneck's Dickshunary
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    There's a little bit of "Southern" in all of us!
    > Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood, one from
    > Georgia, the other from Alabama, were conversing on the
    > porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion in Savannah.
    > The Georgia peach said, "When my first child was born, my
    > husband built this beautiful mansion for me."
    > The lady from Alabama commented, "Well, isn't that nice??"
    > The first woman continued "When my second child was born, my
    > husband bought me that fine Cadillac you see parked in the
    > drive."
    > Again, the belle from Alabama commented, "Well, isn't that
    > nice??"
    >
    > The first woman boasted : "Then, when my third child was
    > born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."
    > Yet again, the second of the ladies commented, "Well, isn't
    > that nice??"
    >
    > The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your
    > husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
    > "My husband sent me to charm school," the 'Alabama belle'
    > replied.
    > "Charm school!" the first woman cried, "Land sakes, child,
    > what on Earth for?"
    >
    > The Alabama belle responded, "So that instead of saying 'who
    > gives a shit,' I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that nice?
    >
    >
    >

    Geno G

    Copr6
    Senior Chief Moderator III
    Posts: 185
    (5/17/01 6:11:12 pm)
    | Del Re: A Texas Redneck's Dickshunary
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Geno...LOL!
    The difference between a Northern girl and a Southern girl?
    The Northern girl says.."you can"
    The Southern girl says.."you all can"

    TShooters
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 149
    (5/19/01 11:38:56 am)
    | Del Re: A Texas Redneck's Dickshunary
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Good ones, Geno!

    Too funny, Copr6!


    Sharon



    Edited by: TShooters at: 5/19/01 2:53:49 pm

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 595
    (5/22/01 4:50:22 am)
    | Del Re: A Texas Redneck's Dickshunary
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Hey! Dittos on that guys!
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    TShooters
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 174
    (5/26/01 2:25:48 pm)
    | Del Things You'd Never Hear a Southerner Say
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERNER SAY

    * We don't keep firearms in this house.
    * Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
    * You can't feed that to the dog.
    * I thought Graceland was tacky.
    * No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
    * Wrasslin's fake.
    * Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
    * We're vegetarians.
    * Do you think my hair is too big?
    * I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
    * Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?
    * Who's Richard Petty?
    * Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
    * Deer heads detract from the decor.
    * Spitting is such a nasty habit.
    * I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
    * Trim the fat off that steak.
    * Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
    * The tires on that truck are too big.
    * I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
    * I've got it all on a floppy disk.
    * Unsweetened tea tastes better.
    * Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
    * My fiancé, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
    * I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
    * Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
    * Checkmate.
    * She's too old to be wearing that bikini.
    * Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
    * Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't
    seen.
    * I don't have a favorite college team.
    * I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
    * Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Daisy Duke!
    * Elvis who?
    * Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
    * Would you like hash browns instead of grits?
    * Hunting? No, I've already shot my limit. Maybe next time!

    homer4
    Moderator
    Posts: 667
    (5/27/01 10:49:37 am)
    | Del Favorite Sports Program
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Football...SEC!!!
    Basketball...ACC!!!
    Baseball...SEC!!!
    Playboy's "Girls from the...Conference" selections...
    ALL the Conferences!!! (no particular preference here)
    ...and two hard boiled eggs.

    TShooters
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 216
    (6/10/01 4:28:00 pm)
    | Del More on Southern Girls.......
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Two southern girls were sitting on their front porch one
    evening. One girl had just arrived back from New York
    and she was telling her girlfriend about some of the sites
    she had seen in the big city. In a heavy southern drawl,
    she says, "You know, they have women up there who have
    sex with other women."

    In a whispered voice, her friend replies, "Oh, my! What
    do they call them?"

    "They call them lesbians."

    "And there's men who have sex with other men," says the women.
    "They call them homosexuals."

    Then, she pauses, lowers her voice even more and says, "And, they have these men up there that will put their face in a woman's privates and kiss and lick all around..."

    "Do tell!" gasps her friend, "What do they call them?"

    "Heck if I know! I just patted him on the head and called him Precious!

    LarryJK
    Senior Chief Moderator III
    Posts: 132
    (6/10/01 4:34:26 pm)
    | Del Re: Southern Girls Know....
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    WOW...hmmm!!

    oneknight
    Moderator
    Posts: 1142
    (6/10/01 6:36:34 pm)
    | Del Re: More on Southern Girls.......
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Too damn funny. Good one!
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