Southernness Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ...as in: "Going to town, be back directly." Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a Little bowl in the middle of the table. All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's in a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin! Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb or an adverb. Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines... and when we're "in line"....we talk to everybody! Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. In the South, y'all is singular... all y'all is plural. Southerners know grits come from corn and know how to eat them. Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'" you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart"...and go your own way. To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart! And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff...bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could." SOUTHERN WOMEN Southern women appreciate their natural assets: Clean skin. A winning smile. That unforgettable Southern drawl. Southern women know their manners: "Yes, ma'am." "Yes, sir." "Why, no, Billy!" Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions: "Y'all come back!" "Well, bless your heart." "Drop by when you can." "How's your Momma?" Southern women know their summer weather report: Humidity Humidity Humidity Southern women know their vacation spots: The beach The beach The beach Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August: Colorful hi-heel sandals Strapless sun dresses Iced sweet tea with mint Southern women know everybody's first name: Honey Sweetie Darlin' Shugah Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Gone With The Wind Southern women know their religions: Baptist Methodist Football Southern women know their country breakfasts: Red-eye gravy Grits Eggs Country ham Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Charleston (Chawl'stn) Savannah (S'vanah) Fort Worth (Foat Wuth) New Orleans (N'awlins) Atlanta (Addlanna) Southern women know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform Men in tuxedos Rhett Butler Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall The Country Club The Beauty Salon Southern girls know the four deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails Having bad manners Cooking bad food Wearing too much makeup in the summer Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah ! Now...... Shugah, send this to some girls who were raised in the South or wish they had been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it! We know you got here as fast as you could!