Southerness

Discussion in 'The Beau Coupe Dien Cai Dau Hootch' started by berto64, Jul 28, 2006.

  1. berto64

    berto64 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2001
    Messages:
    7,501
    Location:
    Owyhee County, Idaho
    Southernness

    Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie
    fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them,
    you "PITCH" them.

    Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens,
    turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

    Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the
    general direction of "yonder."

    Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is,
    ...as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

    Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is
    not a request for the white, granular sweet substance
    that sits in a Little bowl in the middle of the table.

    All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They
    might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

    Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best
    gesture of solace for a neighbor is a plate of hot
    fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.
    If the neighbor's in a real crisis, they also know
    to add a large banana puddin!

    Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between
    "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know
    that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

    Only a Southerner both knows and understands the
    difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and
    po' white trash.

    No true Southerner would ever assume that the car
    with the flashing turn signal is actually going to
    make a turn.

    A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun,
    a verb or an adverb.

    Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines...
    and when we're "in line"....we talk to everybody!

    Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will
    discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

    In the South, y'all is singular... all y'all is plural.

    Southerners know grits come from corn and know how to
    eat them.

    Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits
    and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy
    is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes
    are not a breakfast food.

    When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'"
    you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

    Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk."
    Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it --
    we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means
    you don't want buttermilk.

    And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities
    at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.
    You just say, "Bless her heart"...and go your own way.

    To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by
    your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of
    sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your
    heart!

    And to those of you who are still having a hard time
    understanding all this Southern stuff...bless your
    hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on
    Southernness as a second language!

    And for those that are not from the South but have
    lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to
    hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from
    the South, but I got here as fast as I could."


    SOUTHERN WOMEN

    Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
    Clean skin.
    A winning smile.
    That unforgettable Southern drawl.

    Southern women know their manners:
    "Yes, ma'am."
    "Yes, sir."
    "Why, no, Billy!"

    Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
    "Y'all come back!"
    "Well, bless your heart."
    "Drop by when you can."
    "How's your Momma?"

    Southern women know their summer weather report:
    Humidity
    Humidity
    Humidity

    Southern women know their vacation spots:
    The beach
    The beach
    The beach

    Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
    Colorful hi-heel sandals
    Strapless sun dresses
    Iced sweet tea with mint

    Southern women know everybody's first name:
    Honey
    Sweetie
    Darlin'
    Shugah

    Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
    Fried Green Tomatoes
    Driving Miss Daisy
    Steel Magnolias
    Gone With The Wind

    Southern women know their religions:
    Baptist
    Methodist
    Football

    Southern women know their country breakfasts:
    Red-eye gravy
    Grits
    Eggs
    Country ham
    Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's
    homemade jelly

    Southern women know their cities dripping with
    Southern charm:
    Charleston (Chawl'stn)
    Savannah (S'vanah)
    Fort Worth (Foat Wuth)
    New Orleans (N'awlins)
    Atlanta (Addlanna)

    Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
    Men in uniform
    Men in tuxedos
    Rhett Butler

    Southern girls know their prime real estate:
    The Mall
    The Country Club
    The Beauty Salon

    Southern girls know the four deadly sins:
    Having bad hair and nails
    Having bad manners
    Cooking bad food
    Wearing too much makeup in the summer

    Southern girls know men may come and go, but
    friends are fahevah !

    Now...... Shugah, send this to some girls who
    were raised in the South or wish they had been!

    If you're a Northern transplant, bless your
    little heart, fake it! We know you got here
    as fast as you could!
  2. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2003
    Messages:
    10,656
    Location:
    SW MS
    Are you talkin' 'bout me again, Berto? ;) :D
  3. berto64

    berto64 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2001
    Messages:
    7,501
    Location:
    Owyhee County, Idaho
    Honey,

    If the shoe fits.......

    But I immediately thought of you when I first read this. That's why I put it here. Glad you like it.

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