Speaking of Texas heat . . .

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Pistolenschutze, Jul 4, 2009.

  1. New Texas resident, or why Yankees don't move there. :D;)

    May 30th
    Just moved to Texas. Now this is a state that knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.

    June 14th
    Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air conditioned home, drive an air conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I’m turning into a real sun worshipper.

    June 30th
    Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

    July 10th
    The temperature hasn’t been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it’s a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.

    July 15th
    Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though: got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

    July 20th
    I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and crap. No more pets in this heat!

    July 25th
    Dry #@*&$!% heat, my butt. Hot is hot!! The home air conditioner is on the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

    July 30th
    Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,500 in damn house payments and we can’t even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

    Aug 4th
    115 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $1,200
    and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman peed in my pool. I hate this #@*&$!% state.

    Aug 8th
    If another wise ass cracks, “Hot enough for you today?” I’m going to tear his #@*&$!% throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like Roasted Garfield!!

    Aug 10th
    The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and sunny. It’s been too hot to #@*& for two damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn’t it ever rain in this barren damn desert?
    Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so $1,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the #@*&$!% pool. Even a cactus can’t live in this heat.

    Aug. 14th
    Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 123 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the #@*&$!% windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to fix it and said, “Hot enough for you today?” My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail.

    Aug. 30th
    Worst day of the damn summer. I’m not leaving the house. The #@*&$!% monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than hell. The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $500 windshield. Maybe it will wash out that dead cat smell.

    That does it, we’re moving to Michigan for some peace and quiet.
  2. kutaho

    kutaho New Member

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  3. Nighthawk

    Nighthawk New Member

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    :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
    foreigners:rolleyes::D:D
  4. Trouble 45-70

    Trouble 45-70 New Member

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    Good thing he came down during a mild summer.
  5. Crpdeth

    Crpdeth Active Member

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    Wonder where he found that "dry heat"... Lucky punk! :D


    Crpdeth
  6. Blackhawk Dave

    Blackhawk Dave Member

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    Denton, TX
    Originally written about Phoenix.

    80 degrees and rain today. 97 by Tuesday.

    Besides, it's a "dry heat". ROTFL.
  7. Right, about as dry as the bottom of the Gulf. :D;)
  8. Nighthawk

    Nighthawk New Member

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    102F and 90% humidity is normal. :D:D:D
  9. 45nut

    45nut Active Member

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    The temp the last Tuesday in June was 111 on my back patio. "Hot nuff fer ya?" :D
  10. Just a nice, balmy Texas day, right 45? :D;):p
  11. 45nut

    45nut Active Member

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    You bet Pistol :D
  12. Nighthawk

    Nighthawk New Member

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    starting to get warm at 111. :D:D
  13. Lotsdragon

    Lotsdragon New Member

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    Potosi, Mo
    ROFLMAO stupid yankee's dunno its a healthy heat too:D:D:D:eek::D:D:D
  14. Deputy Dawg

    Deputy Dawg Active Member

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    Aug 11, 2005
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    Central Texas Gulf Coast
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