The Church Bulletin

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Gunfyter, Mar 29, 2006.

  1. Gunfyter

    Gunfyter New Member

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    Location:
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    These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were
    announced in church services.

    Ø The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

    Ø The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
    tonight "Searching for Jesus."

    Ø Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
    recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

    Ø Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
    things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.


    Ø The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

    Ø Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
    someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much
    about you.

    Ø Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

    Ø Miss Charlene Mason sang " I will not pass this way again," giving
    obvious pleasure to the congregation.

    Ø For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
    downstairs.

    Ø Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
    help they can get.

    Ø Jane remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
    transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
    Pastor Jack's sermons.


    Ø The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
    sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

    Ø Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
    church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

    Ø A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
    will follow.

    Ø At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
    Come early and listen to our choir practice.

    Ø Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
    several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

    Ø Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
    Proceeds will be used to cripple children.


    Ø Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
    person you want remembered.

    Ø The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
    gracious hostility.

    Ø Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

    Ø The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
    be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

    Ø This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
    from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

    Ø Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
    are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

    Ø The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
    lend him their electric girdles for the pa! ncake breakfast next Sunday.

    Ø Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

    Ø The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
    basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
    tragedy.

    Ø Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
    Please use large double door at the side entrance.
    :)
  2. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

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    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    Always get a chuckle out of these.

    Sounds very much like some I've seen over the last sixty plus years!!
  3. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

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  4. inplanotx

    inplanotx New Member

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  5. Deputy Dawg

    Deputy Dawg Active Member

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  6. southernshooter

    southernshooter New Member

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  7. armedandsafe

    armedandsafe Guest

    "A silent memorial for (name) will be held in the Fellowship Hall, Saturday, 10 am. Mayor Jones will speak."

    :D

    Pops
  8. Bruce FLinch

    Bruce FLinch New Member

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    Bay Point, Kali..aka Gun Point
    :D Wished I hadn't missed the bean supper & potluck dinner :D !
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