The LARK Program

Discussion in 'The Fire For Effect and Totally Politically Incorr' started by Gunfyter, Jan 20, 2005.

  1. Gunfyter

    Gunfyter New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2003
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    1,956
    Location:
    Western Maryland
    THE LARK PROGRAM

    A person wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the
    treatment of a captive taken during the Afghanistan/Iraq war.
    Attached is the copy of a letter they received back:
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    The White House
    1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
    Washington, D.C. 20016

    Dear Concerned Citizen:

    Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of
    the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo
    Bay, Cuba.

    Our administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was
    heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to
    learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are
    creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the
    "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.
    In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have
    decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

    Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for
    transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next
    Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in
    your letter of admonishment. It will likely be necessary for you to
    hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections, in
    conjunction with the Red Cross, to ensure that your care for Ahmed is
    commensurate with international standards and those you so strongly
    recommended in your letter.

    Although Ahmed is sociopathic, extremely violent, and was trying
    to kill at least 20 women and children as we captured him, we hope that
    your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem"
    will help him overcome these character flaws. I might add that he will
    bite you, or worse, given the chance. However, perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.

    We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

    Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property.
    This is a particularly sensitive subject for him, and he has been known
    to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new
    dress code that Ahmed will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm
    sure they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka - over
    time. Just remind them that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his
    religious beliefs" - wasn't that how you put it?

    Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember...we'll be watching

    Good Luck!

    Cordially,
    Pres. George W. Bush
    CC: Donald Rumsfeld
    > >>
  2. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

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  3. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

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    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    Every time I see this it give me a hugh chuckle!!! I'd love to see it really happen!!!!!!!!

    .

    Attached Files:

  4. Carl S

    Carl S New Member

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    Bunnell, FL
    I wish it would happen!! :D
  5. 96harley

    96harley New Member

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    Jan 10, 2005
    Messages:
    56
    Location:
    Martinsville, Indiana
    I like the idea. I would hope in so doing Ahkmeed, Ahkmood, or whatever could assimiliate into the culture of the left and become a peacenic spreading love and flower peddles whereever he cast a shadow.
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