The One Liner Thread

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by 76Highboy, Nov 23, 2012.

  1. hstout1143

    hstout1143 Well-Known Member

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    Obama has been working hard, 24 / 7 - 24 hours a week, 7 months a year.
  2. hstout1143

    hstout1143 Well-Known Member

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    Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.
  3. hstout1143

    hstout1143 Well-Known Member

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    How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
  4. 76Highboy

    76Highboy Well-Known Member Supporting Member

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    What do you call a blonde with laryngitis?

    PERFECT

    My wife made that up.

    :lmao2:
  5. Pixcutter

    Pixcutter New Member

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    Yes, according to my wife
  6. montezumaz

    montezumaz Former Guest

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    I've got some good news and I've got some bad news. First, the good news. The unemployment rate has fallen to its lowest level in nearly four years. The bad news is that most of those jobs involve wearing a red suit, a beard and having kids pee in your lap.
  7. glens67

    glens67 Well-Known Member

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    This guy looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"


    I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."
  8. glens67

    glens67 Well-Known Member

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    I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.


    The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
  9. glens67

    glens67 Well-Known Member

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    I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.


    I said, "Nice legs."


    The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."


    I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
  10. Diamondback

    Diamondback Member

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    If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
  11. hstout1143

    hstout1143 Well-Known Member

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    My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, "Cough!"
  12. hstout1143

    hstout1143 Well-Known Member

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    She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
  13. m77user

    m77user Member

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    When introducing me to someone, my wife proudly exclaims.... HE'S NOT REAL SMART, BUT HE CAN LIFT HEAVY THINGS.
  14. MadScotsMan

    MadScotsMan Member

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    What do you call a smart blonde? A Golden Retreiver.
  15. MadScotsMan

    MadScotsMan Member

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    What did the first elephant say to Adam? How do you breathe out of that little thing?
  16. MadScotsMan

    MadScotsMan Member

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    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  17. MadScotsMan

    MadScotsMan Member

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    Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
  18. MadScotsMan

    MadScotsMan Member

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    “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets” - Al McGuire
  19. btown

    btown New Member

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    There are 3 ways to get something done : Do it yourself, hire some one to do it, or forbid your kids to do it .
  20. 76Highboy

    76Highboy Well-Known Member Supporting Member

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    That is hilarious.
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