The Pumphouse Gang

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by warpig, Feb 24, 2003.

  1. warpig

    warpig Guest

    shooter22
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    (1/9/02 10:31:37 pm)
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    With the rising of the sun this seventh day of January, 2002 comes the end of the new years party at the Pumphouse. After a week long rest and recovery parts of the gang start to file in. Warpig and Blackgun are talking to the contractors about the damages that was sustained by the party. A contractor was overheard saying, "Nothing a little bit of spackle, some wood filler, and a 20 foot section of wall won't cure."Warpig looks with a still lingering hangover at BG and asks, "Who's gonna pay for this?" "Hey, not to worry, partner, I had Buffy, Maria, Conchita take donations from all the unconscious patrons. They never complained a bit," said BG.

    Stragglers have been coming in all day. they seemed to be gathering for something, but no one can really remember. With the past weeks party, no wonder the short term memories are lacking to say the least. In the side poker room, LTS, TLYNN, JohnRal, grunt, QueenB, are playing stud poker. I know, you would think that the guys would have the advantage in stud poker, but in this case the ladies have the advantage. No one expects men to figure out women on a regular basis, let alone poker playing women, where they are trying to be confusing.

    In the back room with a sign "Herbalife sales symposium" on the door, are PsycoDocWitAGun and his assistants shooter22, and 1187 SF. Psycodoc is lifting the spirits of Bob in STL , and Polishshooter with a new technique. In the middle of the room on a small platform is the Swedish Bikini shooting team playing strip twister. Bob, Polish. shooter22, psycoDR, and 1187 FS are in the hot tub calling colors and hand or feet, and waiting to console the losers of the twister game with copious amounts of Bob's best and plenty of lovin'. Polish says "there is nothing better than a good game of twister with the right people. "Go Julie," "GO Julie!" Bob keeps shouting. No one in the room has the heart to tell Bob that Julie Andrews is not part of the Swedish Bikini Shooting Team.

    Meanwhile, in the billiards room, AntiqueDr, SXSMAN, CharlieD, Kdub(or whatever version he is using these days) were playing 9 ball for Bob's Best. CharlieD was talking them to the cleaners. YUP, talking them. Charlies verbal onslaught had complete distraction on the other players.

    Outback of the Pumphouse were 44loader, 44rugerfan, ruffit, Reedbuster, zigzag, shane, 218Bee. All were in the midst of a very competative shooting game. The competition was close, and getting ugly.

    At the same time, Warpig gets a call from Herby. Herby is looking for a Cheap Harley Parts distributor. And Postal is busy giving the new girl bubbles her "Interview"(actually a Hand, eye, pinch, slap, reaction test). Postal is a very good at this interview technique.


    tuckerd1, cointoss, 280freak, elmersfudd, Texasgunman1, Bondai, Alphamale, needleace, hammer4nc, MS. Beast, are the last of the stragglers to come in.

    In the room walks Tac, turns to Postal, and says,"drinks on the me." He had a sh!t eatin' grin on his face.

    Everybody knew that when Tac called the group together, it was big.

    After checking all the doors and windows for eavesdroppers, he clears his throat.

    "Alright, Pumphouse Gang, I have a plan."

    "I have just finished watching the movie 'Oceans Eleven' said Tac. "Now, I know that we ain't got no casino's within' thousand miles of here, but it give me an idea."

    The crowd begins to stir waiting the plan Tac was about to reveal.

    "My plan is, we are going to hit...






























    The Midwest Donut Consortium", Tac bellowed in a fiendish voice. "I plan on ruling the Midwest donut trade".

    "Now what I need are plans, Ideas, men of action, women of cunning, and anything you can come up with. Start coming up with the ideas guy and gals." Explained Tac.







    Edited by: shooter22 at: 1/9/02 10:39:00 pm

    kdub01
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    (1/9/02 11:06:22 pm)
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    'WOW" - !

    Now, that's setting the plot!

    If'n ya kin git Charlie D outa the pool room so's the rest of us suckers hava chance o' winnin', ya know how downrite succinct he is wif the talkin' - he kin prolly conjure up a plan to blanket the Midwest doughnut industy wifout even battin' an eye!

    Uh, cud ya run the barmaid back in here - we'uns is gittin' awful dry!

    shooter22
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    (1/9/02 11:28:52 pm)
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    BlackGun yells in full voice! "BUbbles, Let go of Postal, and get drinkd out to the Billiards room, they's thinkin'. and gettin' thirsty!"


    warpig883
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    (1/10/02 1:40:50 am)
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    Did he say donuts or dognuts said Polish as he spies the worm eating canine slinking in the open door.

    Noting the less than brilliant ideas coming out of the crew Tac makes the announcement that there will be no more coffee or donuts/dognuts unitl a plan is underway.

    Warpig and Blackgun and Shane silently slip under the trap door behind the bar. In the secret hideout they slip on their fake eye patches and fuzzy loinclothes. They sit down at the buddit scared table and start plotting.
    We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans... -- Bill Clinton, US President (USA Today, 11 Mar 1993, page 2a)

    warpig883
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    (1/10/02 9:19:58 pm)
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    Warpig takes a step forward looking at the plans of the gang. Disgusted with what he sees he steps back and slip into a deep enless hole dissappearing from sight quickly and silently.

    BlackGun
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    (1/10/02 11:03:24 pm)
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    BG seeing his side kick, slip and fall, reaches for him in panic, only to catch him by his Texas tooth pick key chain. BG hoist's Piggy back into the dim lit room to plot against the evil doers that has caused all the havock and tore the wall down. Shane in the mean time is chillin with a hidden 5th of Bob's Best that had been stored and forgotten for a rainy day.
    Make Peace, Not war! He who angers you, controls you! !


    BlackGUN

    warpig883
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    (1/10/02 11:41:00 pm)
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    Warpig while falling down the never ending hole saw a dim flash of light in front of him. It was the future and what he saw was a world without a Pump House. Quickly deciding he has had enough he drags Blackgun and himself over to the edge of the pit and hurls them both in. Blackgun's eye patch catches on a nail on the wall and temporarly holds them up swaying as Warpig trys to pull them down and Blackgun is straining to pull them up. Silently the trap door above opens and one who remains annonymous gives the two a kick sending them onto a better place.

    Shane wonders where the two went and calls for help,


    Will anybody come?????
    We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans... -- Bill Clinton, US President (USA Today, 11 Mar 1993, page 2a)

    AGunguy
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    (1/11/02 1:09:46 pm)
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    Gunguy ambles over to the trap door as he hears this loud banging coming from it. He opens it up as LTS walks over to have a look see also.

    They see Piggy and BG hanging from his eyepatch, LTS hears their plea for help and extends a 4 foot long pole...which seemed to be made at the Acme cattle prod works. It had a full charge as piggy and BG soon found out when the 200,000 volts lights them up like a christmas tree.

    We hear fading curses as they fall away shooting their Glocks and Daisy red rider bb guns back up at the trap door opening.

    Is this the end of the Pump House Saloon owners?

    Tune in tomarrow to the wide world of sports, probably a lot more interesting than this dribble.

    GG

    Different name
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    (1/11/02 3:26:22 pm)
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    In spite of the carryins on...I see that there is nothing to do but ta introduce "Instant Expertise" to tha "PUMP HOUSE GANG" rita bout NOW.......
    RE: Midwest "E-Ring" Harvardese Doughnut buzz phrase generators PLAN for effectiveness experts review.

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    This is a new invention (tongue-in-cheek) aid, to prepare tha miscreants at tha PUMPHOUSE for "INSTANT EXPERTISE":

    The buzz phrase generator consists of three columns of buzzwords numbered zero to nine:

    Column I Column II Column III

    0 integrated 0 management 0 options
    1 total 1 organizatiional 1 flexibility
    2 Systematized 2 monitored 2 capability
    3 parallel 3 reciprocal 3 mobility
    4 functional 4 digital 4 program
    5 responsive 5 logistical 5 concept
    6 optimal 6 transitional 6 time-phase
    7 synchronized 7 incremental 7 projections
    8 compatible 8 third-generation 8 theory
    9 balanced 9 policy 9 contingency

    The procedure is simple. Think of any three-digit number at random. Then select the corresponding Buzzword from each column. Put them together and Wham! Pow! Zap! You sound just like you know what you're talking about.

    Take for instance, the number 257. Take word two from column one, word five from column two, and word seven from column three. You now have "Systemized Logistical Projections. Don't know what it means? Don't worry neither do "they" or anyone else...

    The important thing is that the buzzphrase Generator provides the user with the perfect aid for preparing anything on the subjects of most service industries or resources of any nature;
    (The production, selling and deliveries of "TFFs BBs Donuts".
    Automatically you have one thousand different combinations, all of which will give you that proper ring of decisive, progressive, knowledgeable authority.

    Once you've mastered the art of the ringing declaration and become a connnoisseur of convoluted phraseology, no one will ever take exception to your rationale...

    With thus-broadened etymological horizons, your plans, goals, objectives, strategic stepping stones, and so forth are assured!

    They could possible choose to opt for "195" ("Total Policy Concept") to try and figure out where to start understanding your excerpts of pure and simple genius on any matter before them...GOOD LUCK!

    Actually, I would think about starting our Donut PLANS with,
    a "761" (Synchronized transitional flexibility) ...drafted PLAN.

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    All comments invited, please.
    Should be into strategic drafts of the plan soon...
    Hit tha silk!

    Charlie D*
    "478"

    * If anybody knows how to
    put the 3 columns in line...please have atit
    thanx.

    Gotta git back to tha pool table.
    Been werkin on my Chinese dialects....






    Edited by: Different name at: 1/11/02 3:36:29 pm

    shooter22
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    (1/11/02 3:32:48 pm)
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    Alrighty now, man! I gits to sound sofisticated, and intilectual!

    What a 475!


    BlackGun
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    (1/11/02 3:40:26 pm)
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    Charles D, If I ever get in trouble, I want to retain you to be my (Lawyer) legal mouth piece! You will either dazzle them with Brillience of baffle them with Bull Shite!
    Make Peace, Not war! He who angers you, controls you! !


    BlackGUN

    Different name
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    (1/11/02 3:44:49 pm)
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    Quikli:
    a "475" is = Functional incremental concept.
    Wurks evri tiem.
    Charlie D

    AGunguy
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    (1/11/02 3:51:01 pm)
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    OU812, Carp breath.

    GG

    BlackGun
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    (1/11/02 3:55:00 pm)
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    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh! PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
    CarpBreath! How nasty
    Make Peace, Not war! He who angers you, controls you! !


    BlackGUN

    warpig883
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    (1/11/02 5:36:29 pm)
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    Blackgun and Warpig hit the bottom of the endless hole only to find out it is a thick piece of glass. The glass looks down at the Pump House and all of the goings on within. They especially have a view of the wide open front door. Not able to escape their unseen place of observation they settle down to see what the outcome of recent events will be.

    Helpleness quickly sets in as they realize they have no way of stopping the approaching hand of doom.

    129
    We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans... -- Bill Clinton, US President (USA Today, 11 Mar 1993, page 2a)

    BlackGun
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    (1/11/02 6:58:45 pm)
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    As the sun sets in the old West. Piggy and BG set up the bar for another unfortold nite at the Pump House. Will the crowd be rouddy and tear the hitchin post down. Will they break the fine hand painted pictures from behind the bar of Custers image of the indian. Will any of the gang be shot and killed in a shoot out. Will there be blood shed to be moped up in the morning?

    Piggy and BG sit with a bottle Capt. Morgans a Gallon of water and two dirty glasses, waiting for the Hoochie Mamma's to show up for work, before opening the swinging doors! With callased hands, BG pop's a top...........................
    Make Peace, Not war! He who angers you, controls you! !


    BlackGUN

    Edited by: BlackGun at: 1/11/02 8:20:03 pm

    timberbeast
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    (1/11/02 8:43:29 pm)
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    As BG begins to raise the bottle to his lips, a shot rings out and the bottle disintegrates into flying shards. Warpig begins to draw, but hears the single action's hammer click back, just behind him.
    "Empty your hand.", he hears a familiar voice intone. He lets his weapon fall to the floor, then slowly turns his head. Black Gun's head turns as if connected to Piggy's.
    There stands timberbeast, with a crooked grin. A quick spin of the wrist drops the Single-Six back into beast's holster.
    "I knew I'd find my way back here eventually," says timberbeast.
    "I'm lookin' for the missus, wuz waylaid by creants a piece up the road. Got out with my hide and jest the li'l pistol."
    Warpig extends his hand, beginning to smile now, and beast and Piggy shake.
    BG is eying with disdain the wasted liquid and bits of glass glittering on the floor. "What in hell's a creant?", he asks, an edge to his voice.
    "Opposite of a miscreant, gitcher self a copy of the damn Pump House Dictionary," Beast intones, still grinning. There is an edge to his voice now, though. "Seen the missus?".
    BG meets his eyes, and replies.....

    BlackGun
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    (1/11/02 9:47:20 pm)
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    BG replies..................... Well since you put it that way stranger! We seen yar mussis come in a while back. She was all dusty and need a weekly cleanin bad. We could tell she'ed been on the trail fer awhile. We offered her the waterin troff out by the hitchin post fer two bits and she said she didn't have no money. About that time, the local town gun slinger, LTS came walking in, spurs a jingle janglin as he walked through them swingin doors that sqeeeked as they rattled back and forth! Old LTS was all spruced up, toteing his favorite pair of Nickle plated, pearl handled six shooters with 300 notches on each handle, for a NIGHT on the town of drinkin, dancin, gamblin, killin and wooin the hoochie momma's, when he saw yar Mussis! Her eyes met his and his eyes met hers and she asked " " Are you a real Cowboy?".......and is it true all youTexas Cowboys got in yer pockets is THREE BUCKS, A DEAD SQUIRREL AND A TIMEX!"............. .....................................................................LTS replies, "No Maam! I gotta hog sack in my back pocket, for my snuff
    Tread On Me, But, Leave My DONUT Alone! !


    BlackGUN

    Edited by: BlackGun at: 1/12/02 12:26:48 am

    shane
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    (1/11/02 10:43:39 pm)
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    .................LTS said no as a matter of fact I'm not but I am a Hillbilly lesbian if that will do it for ya !!...............................Waking up from his slumber SHANE steps into the picture and tells the fine looking lady that she can use his tub over at the hotel while he is trying to figure out who the heck sliped him the mickey and was trying to stop him from going on the "Great Donut Raid"........................................

    Edited by: shane at: 1/12/02 12:01:37 am

    shane
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    (1/11/02 10:54:07 pm)
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    .................SHANES two mentors Blackgun and Warpig told him that they had tried to wake him just before some low down fellow knocked them into a trap..............The three vow to avenge themselves when the time is right and that cuss aint expecting it..................................SHANE being brought up to date on the plan for the raid says to the Shooter, we need to send someone to scout the place out and see how well it is guarded. Shane not being no dummy knew very well that so many donuts in one place would be hard to get, but worth the effort if the gang could only figure out a way in......................................

    Edited by: shane at: 1/11/02 11:49:57 pm

    shane
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    (1/11/02 11:02:41 pm)
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    Then turning to the dusty Timberbeast, shane says I think if you hurry you can join your missus in that tub!!......................................that's when the plan started to form in shanes head. Shane told the gang that they needed to send the hottest woman in town to distract all the guards so the scout could get into the donut house and map the place out..Shanes vote for the perfect woman to do the job went to TLynn................................


    Page 1 2

    shane
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    (1/11/02 11:55:27 pm)
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    Gunguy and 218Bee step up and tell the group that they want to be the first to take a crack at the donut house if they can get that perfect someone to distract the guards......................................................

    warpig883
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    (1/12/02 12:48:56 am)
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    Warpig and Blackgun are still stuck in the bottom of the neverending hole and looking down at the situation from the invisible window. They see Ms. Beast riding into town on a sway backed mule. Spittin baccy juice and and hollering here I come big boy she rides the baccy juice stained mule right on into the Pump House and jumps off onto Timberbeast. Her flying leap knocks the single six into the air causing it to fire and sending the buddit out the door and into the butt of a screaming Shooter22
    We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans... -- Bill Clinton, US President (USA Today, 11 Mar 1993, page 2a)

    timberbeast
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    (1/12/02 4:46:06 am)
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    Shooter22 feels bee-stung, and swivels around, and sees the dusty couple laying on the floor, Hugging and rolling around, shakes his head in disgust, and intones "Never seen a man so dang unmindful of his weapon than that dumbass Beast. Well, just a little skin off my ass.".
    Down the steps comes TLynn, turning every head in the place, in a bright red dress, slit just right up the side. BG and Warpig have found control knobs near the glass partition, and, gasping, are trying, without success, to change the portal from above the Pump House to below it as she strides across the floor. "Well, Shane, who you want me to distract?," she says, as Shane bends to help Msbeast up. The beast is dazed, as shooter22 continues to rap him over the head with his own gun barrel. Shane's eyes light up. "TLynn!!!", he exclaims. "Why do you have that...."

    shane
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    (1/12/02 11:18:40 am)
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    ..........tiney little revolver straped to your thigh when you are already dressed to kill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your looks alone will knock them guards eyeballs out and we can sneak clean past them.....................................

    Different name
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    (1/12/02 2:41:25 pm)
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    (Time out)
    TLynn....Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without yer consent! Yer not jus beautiful but downrite scruptiously
    dangerous...
    Charlie D
    (Time bak in plz?)

    shane
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    (1/16/02 10:52:18 pm)
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    Well as TLynn walked in the whole gang turned there heads for the biggest group double take I've ever seen.............A fight breaks out over who is gonna escort her to the donut shop and be her back up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shane starts swinging at anyone who got near him, but in a rush it took about 10 good sized men to take him down.................during the comotion the man with a different name swept T off her feet and into his strong arms.....Then making a break for it out the back door when..................................................

    218Bee
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    (1/16/02 11:59:51 pm)
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    He hears:"I`ll be ya Hukleberry"from inside the parked Econoline Van,it`s ol` Val/Doc sounding( no longer surprizingly) like Val Kilmer in his role as Doc Holiday.

    Jump in my little huklberries....It`s .."Time to make the dognuts!"
    (Spoken in a gentlemanly southern accent,surprisingly like Val Kilmer in his role as Doc Holliday)

    280freak
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    (1/17/02 2:49:43 am)
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    I'll take a Krispie Kreme, if you please, Mr. Dufrane!










    OK, real quick, which movie were the last 5 words from?

    Different name
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    (1/17/02 9:13:45 pm)
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    Damn, I'm stilla breakin fer tha swingin doors with "T" in my Strong arms! Hope DuFrane give her hisn donut she's gettin heavy. Mr. DuFrane I would kindly like ta invite ya to meet MS. "T"
    she bein tha famous greeter hear at tha PUMPHOUSE Saloon.
    Hope yer holdin onto is a kreme dount....that's her faverwrite....
    Charlie D

    shooter22
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    (1/17/02 11:10:57 pm)
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    Shawshank Redemptiom


    shooter22
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    (1/17/02 11:38:13 pm)
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    Shooter22, getting more and more enraged as time goes by drops his pants and screams, "some body get this lead otta my ass". A sudden hush comes over the crowd. People start backpeddling like a plague has been unleashed. People stare in awh. Plopped right out there for all to see it was, "dang, I thought I had that concealed better than that. Man, you know how hard it is to get 12" in your shorts?" shooter22 says. He gradually pulls up the front of the Thunder ware and gently puts the 12" barrel of his hidden hog leg, back in its hidden spot. Buffy says in a shy voice, "can I help"? Shooter22 blushes and says, "Sure, honey, ain't you never seen a 12" barreled, six shot, 60 cal, multi-ammo type Taurus self defense weapon?"" this critter will shoot them ol' kielbasa's and many other forms of deadly ammo." "Don't it hurt to hide that massive gun in there?" asks Buffy. "No, it is a good thing I don't walk though, It would chafe rather badly otherwise." I do get a lot of stares when I try to reposition it or reload without taking it out. "What else you got hidden in there?" asked the timid waitress. "Mam, That is classified material. If I told you or you saw it, I'd have to kill you." "Be a good girl now and yank that lead ball outta ol' shooter22's butt!"

    Buffy pulls out the rusty needlenose pliers and shooter22 lets out a yell that bring attention to all the Pumphouse.

    "alright, now that we got that out, who has come up with any plans? I know that shane has T working on the sly in a spy capacity." I have just found out that the midwest donut consortium is actually a front for MickMRM and his cohorts GB.

    Plans, Plans, plans. we need plans.




    or we could just run amuck and hope we stumble onto something.


    warpig883
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    (1/18/02 10:40:28 am)
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    Speaking of amuck. Blackgun finds the secret button on the secret viewing portal and it drops open spilling Blackgun and Warpig amuck in the middle of the mess of Miscreants.
    We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans... -- Bill Clinton, US President (USA Today, 11 Mar 1993, page 2a)

    Different name
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    (1/18/02 6:23:36 pm)
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    Been serchun fer ringin deklairatuns.....
    Putting a 902 into action.
    Assignments will follow. (with a 360)
    In tha meantime, concentrate on
    a 056. Thanx
    Charlie D
    Harvardese is just around the corner.


    shooter22
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    (1/18/02 11:00:52 pm)
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    Yes, Yes the 056 is very important. somebody get on it!
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