these are not jokes but facts

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by 358 winchester, Oct 1, 2005.

  1. 358 winchester

    358 winchester *TFF Admin Staff*

    Apr 25, 2004
    Pensacola Fl. area

    She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

    "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
    to purchase.
    As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
    television set in her purse.
    "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
    "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


    I know I'm not going to understand women.
    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
    pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
    and still be afraid of a spider.


    While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
    Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
    "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
    He addressed the man,
    "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
    Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
    Pillsbury, isn't it?

    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
    He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
    She directs him down the correct aisle.
    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
    balls and a ball of string on the counter.
    She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some
    tampons for your wife?
    He answers, " You see, it's like this,
    yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of
    and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
    papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
    So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
    ( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )

    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
    neither of them wanted to concede their position.
    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
    the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
    "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

    W O R D S
    A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
    30,000 to a man's 15,000.
    The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
    everything to men...
    The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

    A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
    so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
    " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
    God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

    A man and his wife were having an argument about who
    should brew the coffee each morning.
    The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
    and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
    The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
    you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
    Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
    that the man should do the coffee."
    Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
    and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed

    The Silent Treatment
    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
    other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next
    he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
    business flight.
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
    on a piece of paper,
    "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find
    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
    and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
    see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper
    the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

    God may have created man before woman,
    but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
  2. glocknut

    glocknut Active Member

  3. Penfold

    Penfold New Member

    Apr 17, 2005
    Capital Region of NY


  4. rjjrwi

    rjjrwi New Member

    Sep 2, 2002
    western Wi
    An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold
    blustery day.

    The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold."

    The mother replied, "Put them between thy legs. Your body heat will warm
    them up."

    The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

    The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands
    are freezing cold."

    The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will
    warm them up."

    He did and warmed his hands.

    The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He
    said, "my nose is cold." The girl replied, "put it between my legs. The
    warmth of my body will warm it up."

    He did and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving
    with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."

    The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother,
    and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?"

    Slightly concerned the mother said, "Yes, but why do thee ask?" The
    daughter replies, "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't
  5. Deputy Dawg

    Deputy Dawg Active Member

    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha he he he lol.............................................
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