To the Guy Who Mugged Me

Discussion in 'The Fire For Effect and Totally Politically Incorr' started by AL MOUNT, Jan 20, 2009.

  1. To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah)

    Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST

    I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded
    I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.
    You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.
    I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

    I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.
    Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.
    You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas,
    and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?
    It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

    I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants.
    I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me.
    I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.
    I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell,
    and explaining to her your situation.

    I also bought myself some gas on your card.
    I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet,
    then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

    I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell.
    They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones.
    Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now,
    so I don't know what's going on with that.
    I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.
    I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

    So, about your pants.
    I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing,
    so I'd like to make it up to you.
    I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out.
    I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants.
    What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder?
    I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated.
    I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life.
    Next time you might not be so lucky.
    If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.

    - Alex
  2. graehaven

    graehaven Well-Known Member

    May 26, 2007
    Rochester, NY

  3. artabr

    artabr New Member

    :D :D :D :D

    Talk about a career ending experience. :rolleyes: :p :D

  4. 45nut

    45nut Well-Known Member

    Jul 19, 2006
    Dallas, TX
    Wow, that is nice. :D
  5. ampaterry

    ampaterry *TFF Admin Staff Chaplain* Staff Member Supporting Member

    Dec 20, 2008
    West Tennessee
  6. mrkirker

    mrkirker New Member

    Jul 13, 2007
  7. pinecone70

    pinecone70 Active Member

    Jul 30, 2008
    Minnesota Gal!
    It reads like classic craigslist rant/rave. Always amusing!
  8. PPK 32

    PPK 32 Active Member

    Apr 15, 2008
    Frickin, Illinois
    Good one AL!!!:D:D:D:D
  9. Ursus

    Ursus Active Member

    You're the man!
  10. John11139

    John11139 New Member

    Oct 25, 2008
    Hope you and Joe the plumber run for president next time. You'll get my vote:)
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