Was it all a dream?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Suicide*Ride, Aug 24, 2009.

  1. Suicide*Ride

    Suicide*Ride New Member

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    Hello friends,

    I've been away for about a week, only to check in for a quick check on my PM's & to see if I've missed the signal to start the uprising (just kidding :rolleyes:).

    Last Sat. night, I awoke after a afternoon nap & couldn't find my Mother. For those that don't already know: I've been taking care of my mentally ill 63yr old Mother, while trying to figure out how to get her to leave the house & be seen by a Dr.

    She fits about 80% of the symptoms for Paranoid schizophrenia (won't leave the house, hasn't bathed in 6 months, everyone including me is out to kill her, etc.), & I'm @ a loss as to what to do.

    So, Sat. night, after finally figuring out that she's not hiding in a closet or her bathroom (I stood @ her Bedroom door 3 times-talking to myself:rolleyes:), I called my little (younger) Brother who happened to be @ a rock concert & latter I found out was high on Ecstacy...:confused::eek:... Said he got a text message from our cousin that she's @ the ER?!!

    Seems she called the CBI (Colorado Bureau of Investigation) to complain about the neighbor's who are stealing her water & electricity & who are trying to kill her. I guess while I was napping, the local PD sent out a LEO, who inturn called a ambulance & had her taken in for a mental evaluation. They held her for 72hrs., & after 3 days of frantic phone calls I finally got a call from her so called Dr.

    He said "She's definately mentally ill, but since she refuses to take any medication, & she's not a danger to herself or to other's... there's nothing he can do w/o a court order - she's free to go."

    I have 1 Brother, 1 Aunt, & 2 Uncle's - all live in the area - & not 1 person (including my Bro) has offerered any help. I was the one who drove down to the mental ward to pick her up, & I'm the one who still has to listen to her everyday rants about the world that is trying to kill/poison her.

    Anyway.... I woke up this am, & thought "Was it all a dream?"

    Nope... :(

    Anyone else currently dealing with or dealt with this kind of mental illness? Send me a PM if you don't want to publicize your experiences here. It's getting harder to listen to her rants about poisoned water / neighbors stealing utilities, whatever, but I refuse to abandon the woman who gave birth to me.

    V/R,
    Steve

    SR :(
  2. pinecone70

    pinecone70 Active Member

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    Minnesota Gal!
    I am sorry you have to deal with this all alone. I had alcoholic/elderly/irresponsible parents to handle and I admit I'm glad that part of my life is over. My thoughts are with you, try to get assistance from your county if you can. My dad was a vulnerable adult registered with the county and it helped me find resources to help on more than one issue.
  3. carver

    carver Moderator

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    Have you considered a nursing home? When my mother got to the point that I couldn't control her any longer, that's what I had to do. In my case I had two little children at home, and I had to think of their welfare also. Sometime we have to do things we don't want to do, for the safety of everyone.
  4. 45nut

    45nut Active Member

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    SR,

    You definitely are being the Good Son. :) I am not dealing with that serious an issue, but my folks are recovering from an auto accident and I had to be pretty stern with my Mom to stop her from playing the "what if" game and to take her grocery shopping with her driving the scooter cart.

    Just from this little aside I can see how difficult taking care of one's parents can be. So, to quote Slick Willy, I feel your pain, and I will say some prayers for you.

    Don't judge the rest of your family to harshly. Just because you can man up and do the right thing doesn't make you perfect, but it does score tons of points with The Man upstairs. :eek: :D :D
  5. TranterUK

    TranterUK Guest

    SR, Its not about what others will not do, it about what you will do. I am not always great with words but I think sometimes the toughest call falls on the broadest shoulders.

    I dont know about your faith, but to echo 45nuts words a little, the big guy is watching.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2009
  6. Suicide*Ride

    Suicide*Ride New Member

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    Thanks for the kind words everyone!

    @ BPC: I'll look into that..:)... thanks! All of the local LEO's know of her & the issues that I've been having to deal with, & 1 nice patrol woman gave me a county phone# to call. (w/ all the BS - I forgot about that :rolleyes:)

    @ Carver: She's not mentally lost (like w/ Alzheimer's), so a nursing home might not be the right place for her. If I could just get her to take the medication(s) that the mental ward prescibed.... :(

    @ 45Nut: Thanks for the prayer's! ;) While I'm not as religious as I should be, your prayers are definately welcome! My Mother can quote any scripture in the Bible from memory (she reads it day & night), so I know they will do some good! ;)

    IMHO - I'm not judging my family too harshly.... they are just too busy to offer any assistance &/or don't want to hear about the latest issues w/ her illness. Everone involved (family members) knows the score but don't care enough to want to help deal w/ her problem.

    Lately, Mom has been leaving voicemail messages on everyone's phone, telling them "Just a quick note to tell you I might be dead in the am".:eek: The family member she calls, won't answer their phone, because they don't want to be stuck on the phone (sometimes for hrs!), listening to her ranting about how everyone's trying to kill her, especially when they hear it over & over again & know it's all in her head.

    My second marriage failed because my Mom wouldn't stop calling me, telling me that "they're trying to kill me", & my Wife didn't want to have to deal w/ her problems, & didn't want to have a long distance relationship w/ me while I moved out to Co., to figure out what to do. There really isn't any way to deal w/ this problem long-distance.

    SR
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2009
  7. Suicide*Ride

    Suicide*Ride New Member

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    Thanks Tranter..;)... that says alot! :)

    SR
  8. artabr

    artabr New Member

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    I hate to say it but Carver's right. There comes a point in time where you've done all you can do. Saving her from herself will destroy you if you try to do it all alone. The cold hard truth hurts but it's still the truth.
    I went through somewhat the same thing with my dad. :(
    Bless you for doing what you are.


    Art
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2009
  9. Suicide*Ride

    Suicide*Ride New Member

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    Thanks Art! I know you & Carver are right.... I just don't want to be "that person" :(. You would be hard pressed to see her illness if she didn't want you to, but once she opens up to you & feels she can "trust you w/ her secrets"... the illness shines through like a lighthouse in the fog.

    I called my Father w/ the news of her forced hospital stay, & his 1st question was "So... who pulled the trigger on putting her in the hospital?" :eek::mad: I almost took offense @ his choice of analogies [he knows I'm heavy into firearms & reloading & thinks they're a waste of $$$]. He's always taken the "She's just been alone too long" route, whenever I've tried to explain to him how bad she's been getting over the last few yrs.

    Heck, even my Brother [still] thinks she's just got "cabin fever" & gets angry w/ her for "not snapping out of it". It just shows some of the mentalities I've been dealing with.

    SR
  10. SARG

    SARG Member

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    I've been through some of your experience with my Dad before he died.

    You absolutely need to get professional help ...... the sooner the better.

    Recognize your Mom is only in her sixties. Are you going to sacrifice your life for the next twenty or so years ?

    The reality is that each of us gets a singular turn at this game of life and there comes a time when you must consider your own.
  11. pickenup

    pickenup Active Member

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    Sorry to hear you are going through this.

    Have you thought about getting a court order?
  12. Tom Militano

    Tom Militano New Member

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    Sorry to hear about your problems with your mother, but unless your a medical professional I think you need to get her help. I don't see how you can do it by yourself. It sounds like she needs 24 hour care in a controlled environment and I know it's not an easy decision to make.
  13. Suicide*Ride

    Suicide*Ride New Member

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    Yeah Pickenup, I've thought about it. :( I'll need to secretly record the rantings w/a hidden digital recorder. Haven't had $$$ for food lately, much less funds to buy a $40 voice recorder, but it looks like that's what I'm gunna have to do. Her Dr. @ the mental ward said "every little bit of information will add up when speaking to a Judge, including her calls to LEO's about the neighbors." :rolleyes:

    I tried to use the built-in recording abilities of my laptop, whenever she came screaming into my room, but the POS is so old, all the built-in microphone picked up was a bunch of garbled junk. The nice thing about the digital world is that anything I record can be downloaded to a disc for mailing, or sent via email as a file.

    @ Tom Militano: Thanks for the kind words Tom. ;)

    As far as getting her help... I thought that her being evaluated by a handfull of experts @ the mental ward for 72hrs. would be all that was needed, but as said above in my earlier post: until she becomes a danger to herself or others there's nothing anyone can do. That's why I'm asking for any personnal experiences/advice here.

    I was completely dumbfounded when her Dr. told me "She's mentally ill, but free to go." :eek: The laws are set up so folks w/ minor mental issues aren't locked up w/o good cause or reason(s). I feel like a conniving, crooked, POS... thinking about secretly taping her rantings so that they can be later used against her in a court of law. I know it needs to be done for her own good, but it still doesn't make me feel any better about having to do it.

    SR
  14. 4EvrLearning

    4EvrLearning New Member

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    SR....I've read through all these posts, and my heart really goes out to you AND your mom, for she is in a living hell...which puts you in one, as well, being her sole caregiver.

    I saw that you mentioned taping her in one form or another...and I may be out to lunch about this, but be careful that you know what the laws say about taping someone without their knowledge. Sometimes you can't use such "evidence" if it's gotten on the sly.

    I want to echo what many here have said, and that is that you need outside help. How frustrating that the 72-hour eval. didn't cause some kind of intervention to take place. Have you checked with your County Health offices to see what kind of assistance you might get? Senior Services?

    You are to be commended for standing by her side, SR. She's in desperate need of help...I pray that you will be able to find the source of it for her.

    Sadly, the right thing to do is often the hardest thing to do. But when all other options are weighed, and the health and well-being of this loved one is considered (as well as yours), I pray the answer will be clear that you have done the BEST you can for her, all things considered.

    Lastly, here is a link that may have some resources for you: http://www.nami.org/

    Please keep us all posted...
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2009
  15. delta13soultaker

    delta13soultaker New Member

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    Depends on Uncle Sam's whim every 3 yrs.
    You can get her removed if a judge declares her behavior a public nuisance, but you'll need neighbors to help.

    Or...

    If she receives any type of state financial assistance, they will take that and use it to put her in a home. (If she has assets, like a house, they'll take that too.)

    Bottom line. Right now, you do not have to be doing what you are doing. It is not going to get better. It is not going to change in any good way. It will get worse.

    A diagnosis of schizophrenia will get her put in care.

    Jefferson Center Mental Health
    (303) 425-0300‎
    (303) 432-5850‎
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