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We seemed to have lost

Discussion in 'The Beau Coupe Dien Cai Dau Hootch' started by Guest, Mar 3, 2003.

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    Guest Guest

    Mithrandir
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 195
    (1/16/02 11:46:49 am)
    | Del All We seemed to have lost
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    our Humor Bones here folks...soooo I will start off this time....
    =======================
    There once was a hunter who went bear hunting with a shotgun. He saw a bear, fired and missed. The bear grabbed him and raped him. He was real mad, so he left to purchase an M-16 and came back. He saw the same bear, fired and missed. The bear raped him again. By this time he was furious, so he bought a rocket launcher. He went into the woods, found the bear, and fired. As several trees were falling to the ground behind him, the bear put it's hands on it's hips and said,

    "You're not here for the huntin', are you?"

    ===================================

    What do you do if a blonde throws a Grenade at you?

    Pull the pin and throw it back.

    ===================================


    What do you do if a blond throws a pin at you?

    Whaddya mean what do you do if a blond throws a pin at you ??? Run like hell cause she got a grenade in her hand!

    =====================================
    An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.

    The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

    "Hit him again," the child said.

    "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!"

    ===========================================
    A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.

    As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

    The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:

    "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

    =====================================

    A bear said to a rabbit,"Do you have problems with poop sticking to your fur?"

    The rabbit said,"No, why?"

    Then the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt.
    =====================================

    The Foul Mouthed Parrot


    Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary.

    Every other word was an expletive; those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music... anything he could think of. Nothing worked.

    He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and more rude.

    Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.

    Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.

    The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior".

    Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the Chicken did?"

    =======================================

    Jesus is Watching

    Late one night, a burgler broke into a house. As he tiptoed through the living room, he heard a voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"

    Nothing happened, so the burgler crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you" - said the voice.

    The burgler stopped dead in his tracks. He looked around. In a dark corner he spotted a bird cage with a parrot in it.

    "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" he asked.

    "Yes" said the parrot.

    The burgler breathed a sigh of relief, then asked the parrot, "What's your name?"

    "Clarence" answered the bird.

    "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burgler. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

    The parrot's answer: "The same idiot who named the Bulldog, Jesus."


    ==

    OK....

    your turn,.....


    out...


    Remf
    Moderator
    Posts: 380
    (1/19/02 8:07:47 pm)
    | Del THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50:
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
    2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
    3. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
    4. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
    5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
    6. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
    7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
    8. You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m.
    9. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
    10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
    11. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
    12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
    13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room.
    14. You sing along with the elevator music.
    15. Your eyes won't get much worse.
    16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
    17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
    18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
    19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
    20. You can't remember who sent you this!


    hope6970
    Moderator
    Posts: 843
    (1/23/02 1:45:43 pm)
    | Del Re: THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50:
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    lol- lol- lol those were good you guys.

    Now, if I could just remember who posted them or what it was all about. Or even why I am laughing.........lol - Hope

    Mithrandir
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 197
    (1/24/02 1:21:52 pm)
    | Del Re: THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50:
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I think I can relate to number 18!!!!

    (or was it 12 ... or ... Oh well.... all of them)


    out..

    Winter11
    Moderator
    Posts: 616
    (1/25/02 5:23:33 pm)
    | Del
    Re: THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50:
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Mith - those were awesome!!!

    Gotta keep this going....









    Always Faithful

    Remf
    Moderator
    Posts: 384
    (1/25/02 10:10:58 pm)
    | Del WINTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    You seem to have a mean streak ( if women ruled ) LOL

    Tac401
    Administrator
    Posts: 1700
    (1/25/02 10:36:52 pm)
    | Del
    ezSupporter
    Re: WINTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Almost fell outa my chair, outstanding Christine!
    The Firearms Forum Vietnam Memories Bulletin Board Contact Administrator

    Mithrandir
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 199
    (1/29/02 3:49:10 pm)
    | Del Re: WINTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    UUUUHhhhhhh.... isn't it like that where you are from anyway??????

    God knows it is here!!!!!!



    out...

    Winter11
    Moderator
    Posts: 620
    (1/30/02 12:17:46 pm)
    | Del
    Re: WINTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Mean Streak... MEEE - NOOOO! (hehe)














    Always Faithful

    LIKTOSHOOT
    Moderator
    Posts: 58
    (1/30/02 12:53:58 pm)
    | Del Re: WINTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I didn`t even need a cigarette........
































    THANK GOD!!
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