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Weight loss program

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Diamondback, Aug 10, 2012.

  1. Diamondback

    Diamondback Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2009
    Messages:
    1,007
    Location:
    Silver City, Oklahoma
    A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. "Guaranteed my ass", he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program.

    The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

    The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!"

    Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.

    After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business."

    The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.

    So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

    He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!

    He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the phone, "this is our most rigorous program..." "Absolutely," he replies. "I haven't felt this great in years!"

    The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can have you!"



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  2. Deputy Dawg

    Deputy Dawg Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,375
    Location:
    Central Texas Gulf Coast
    That is so wrong.:eek::eek::D
  3. Diamondback

    Diamondback Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2009
    Messages:
    1,007
    Location:
    Silver City, Oklahoma
    Bet you laughed though.
  4. skullfr

    skullfr New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2012
    Messages:
    902
    Location:
    Beaumont,Texas
    me too that is good
  5. Eddie N

    Eddie N New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2009
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    1,192
    Location:
    Colorado
    :eek::lmao2::lmao2::lmao2:
  6. woolleyworm

    woolleyworm Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2009
    Messages:
    4,963
    Location:
    SW Fort Worth
    :lmao2::lmao2::lmao2::lmao2:

    That's a belly-achin funny !
  7. Iron Eagle

    Iron Eagle Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2012
    Messages:
    1,355
    Location:
    Louisiana
    Dang it man! :)
  8. jedwil

    jedwil Well-Known Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2009
    Messages:
    3,493
    Location:
    Texas Hill Country
    You neglected to post the phone number.
  9. Tmergen24

    Tmergen24 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2012
    Messages:
    103
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    I think I'll pass on the last one and on the first few I'd have to worry about the girl friend comeing to kill me
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