Why did the Chicken cross the road?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by WarSteed, Mar 28, 2007.

  1. WarSteed

    WarSteed New Member

    Mar 6, 2007

    We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

    I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
    greater services to the American people.

    The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

    To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

    I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

    No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

    Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that Chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

    Did the chicken cross the road?
    Did he cross it with a toad?
    Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
    But why it crossed, I've not been told!

    To die. In the rain. Alone.

    I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

    In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

    Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

    Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

    It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    It was a historical inevitability.

    This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

    I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

    What chicken?

    To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

    You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

    The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

    I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

    Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

    And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

    I missed one?

  2. Mosin_Nagant_Fan

    Mosin_Nagant_Fan Active Member

    Jan 18, 2007
    Montgomery, AL
    I liked the Albert Einstein and Colonel Sanders one, those where funny.
  3. The chicken's true motivation for crossing the boulevard is, of course, a far more complex issue than might be readily apparent. Before any reasonable assessment may be attempted, it obviously must be ascertained whether the roadway was actually crossable by one of the avian persuasion. What barriers might the boulevard possess, either physical or psychological, which may be relevant to the binary set choices--to cross or not to cross--then available to the subject? Once these factors have been deduced, it may be possible to deal more perceptively with the psychological and philosophical factors bearing on this comestible avian's choice of action. Immediately apparent, of course, is the psychological factor. Did the chicken perhaps have, at that point in time, a Freudian death wish, which was cleverly disguised as a need to cross the road? On a more philosophical level, could it be that the chicken was a believer in the philosophical doctrines of either nihilism or existentialism? If the former, it matters not why this species of fowl crossed the road, for in that event, life had no meaning for the chicken at all. If, however, the chicken was a firm believer in existentialist doctrine, then it is possible he saw the crossing of the boulevard as a means of creating his own private Elysium, or on a much darker note, his own private hell. Ultimately, of course, the answer to the basic question shall reamain one of the quintessential mysteries of life, unknowable and without form or substance, for, as we all know, in the end the chicken was splatered all over the road by an 18-wheeler doing about 75 mph. :eek: :D ;) :p
  4. durk

    durk Active Member

    Sep 19, 2006
    Did the chicken look both ways B-4 crossing? Oh, wait, did the chicken get run over?
  5. LurpyGeek

    LurpyGeek Active Member

    Nov 30, 2005
    Pistol, have you been spending too much time in the beer thread?
  6. Slinging it with both arms and a shovel, Pistol? I have never seen a more masterful mound of manure in my many moons. Well done, but don't hurt yourself; remember to use your legs and back, too. :D

  7. Beer thread? Did somebody say, "beer thread?" What we really need is a beer forum! Now there is an idea whose time has come! Let's get a petition going. We can ask Marlin to act as campaign manager, and put SoMo in charge of contributions. If we play our cards right, we can probably get federal matching funds as well. :eek: :D ;)

    It's a tough job, Lead, but somebody's gotta do it. :rolleyes: :D
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 28, 2007
  8. WarSteed

    WarSteed New Member

    Mar 6, 2007
    Pistol was really just giving the same answer Forrest Gump would... ;)
  9. I think Forrest would have said, "A chicken is just like chocolate, too good to lick, but be prepared to chase it after you bite it. Spitting out the feathers improves forward vision, but chocolate is like a chicken wings, so wing meat will rule forever.

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