You might be a cop if...

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by glocknut, May 24, 2009.

  1. glocknut

    glocknut Active Member

    You Might be a Cop if....

    You have the bladder capacity of five people.
    You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
    You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm.
    Your idea of a good time is a robbery at shift change.
    You call for a NCIC on anyone that is not friendly toward you.
    You think it is perfectly normal to discuss dismemberment over a gourmet meal.
    You can identify a negative "tattoo to tooth" ratio just by looking at a person.
    You find humor in other people's stupidity.
    You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
    You don't believe 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
    You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance.
    You believe that the Government should require a permit to reproduce.
    You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet around here."
    You refer to your nightstick or flashlight as your "Dork Slayer".
    You believe that chocolate is a food group.
    You take it as a compliment when someone calls you a prick.
    You have wanted to hold a seminar on "Suicide, getting it right the first."
    You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a valid jury verdict.
    You have had to put a complainant on hold, while you laugh uncontrollably.
    You have wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to a particular bar.
    You believe the dispatcher is possessed.
    You think caffeine should be available in I.V. form.
    You're not referring to food when you mention vegetables.
    You believe that the holding cell should come with a Valium saltlick.
    You have heard: "I have no idea how that got there," on more than a few occasions.
    You suddenly realize one night that you are patrolling the Twilight Zone.
    You correlate "two beers" with 0.15 BAC.
    You have learned a lot about paranoia, simply by following random cars around in your patrol car.
    You believe that it is a "good" death only if it involves overtime.
    You think comp time is a joke thought up by some dim-wit politician!
    You know the city/county has computer access to welfare eligibility being the reason you are a dollar over and can't qualify for food stamps.
  2. ampaterry

    ampaterry *TFF Admin Staff Chaplain* Staff Member Supporting Member

    Dec 20, 2008
    West Tennessee
    All good ones, GN -
    You have been busy this AM -

  3. 21bravo

    21bravo New Member

    Oct 29, 2008
    wilkes county, nc
    nice Mike. i like it....:D:D:D this is a good way start a morning at the college PD
  4. pkcgbifaid

    pkcgbifaid Member

    Nov 12, 2003
    Charleston, WV

    I love the BAC one! That's a big joke among our troopers... why do they even sell beer in a six-pack or case, everyone they ever pull over has only had "two beers".
  5. If you call donuts "gutbombs".
    If you can shave with your sun glasses instead of a mirror.
  6. Tony22-250

    Tony22-250 New Member

    Jan 9, 2009
    Snellville, GA
    Did you come up with that mike? either way it was funny as hell! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
  7. glocknut

    glocknut Active Member

    Heck no... :D

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