Your Church is a Piney Church if...

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Gunfyter, Aug 13, 2004.

  1. Gunfyter

    Gunfyter New Member

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    Western Maryland
    You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
    the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

    You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
    people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

    You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
    when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

    You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
    opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

    You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
    a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

    You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
    in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

    You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
    high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

    You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
    people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

    You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
    the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

    You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
    the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

    You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
    instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.

    You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
    the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

    You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
    the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

    You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
    "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.
  2. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

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    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    More truth than fiction in that one, GF!!

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  3. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

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    Hey! I've been to that church! :p :D
  4. Gunfyter

    Gunfyter New Member

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    Yep, from the days of The Rowan and Martin Laughin, Da Reverend Leroy and Da Church of What's happenin' Now. :D :D :D
  5. armedandsafe

    armedandsafe Guest

    See ya' there. :D

    Pops
  6. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

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    The little church Marlin and I attend shares our pastor with another little church way out in the country. Most of the members out there are farmers. Their service is at 9:30am, and often the men will come to church straight from the fields, muddy boots and all, with pistols on their hips (for the snakes, etc they come across in the fields). Kinda gives visitors a jolt if they're not expecting it. :D
  7. ibtrukn

    ibtrukn New Member

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    "Da church a wots happenin now" heheheheh, GF U B older'n dirt :cool:












    YO they finally leevs da smilies alone?? IB wins anudder1
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