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GIGGLES AND GROSS!!!!

336 views 1 reply 2 participants last post by  crystalphoto 
#1 ·
New United Airlines Mottos:
"Drag and Drop"

"We put the hospital in hospitality"

"Board as a doctor, leave as a patient"

"Our prices can't be beaten, but our passengers can"

"We have First Class, Business Class and No Class"

"Not enough seating, prepare for a beating"

"We treat you like we treat your luggage"

"We beat the customer. Not the competition"

"And you thought leg room was an issue"

"Where voluntary is mandatory"

"Fight or flight. We decide"

"Now offering one free carry off"

"Beating random customers since 2017"

"If our staff needs a seat, we'll drag you out by your feet"

"A bloody good airline"

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FROZEN CRABS


A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a lawyer … and threatened what would happen to her if she let them thaw out.

Shortly before landing in New York, the flight attendant used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.

There are two lessons here:

1. LAWYERS AREN'T AS SMART AS THEY THINK THEY ARE.

2. BLONDES AREN'T AS DUMB AS MOST FOLKS
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Chuck Schumer searching for Nancy Pelosi's brain.

During a recent Trump stop, a heckler from the audience hollered, "Hey Trump, where are you hiding your tax returns?

The Donald politely responded, "I've found a very secure place that I'm certain they won't be found."

The insistent heckler, then shouted, "And just where is that, dummy"?

The Donald smiled and said, "They are underneath Obama's college records, his passport application, his immigration status as a student, his funding sources to pay for college, his college records, and his Selective Service registration

"What's your next question?

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The Candy With the Little Hole

This should make you smile.
You have to love little kids.


The children began to identify the flavors by their color:

Red....................Cherry
Yellow................Lemon
Green..................Lime
Orange ..............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room!
 
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