A Shy Lori? Not! (A long post)

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  1. 1952Sniper

    1952Sniper New Member

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    whiteclouder
    V.I.P. Member
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    (1/21/03 10:23:03 am)
    Reply A Shy Lori? Not! (A long post)
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    Here is an excerpt from my second book. The cuss words have been modified to get past the PC checker.

    The journey from Wisconsin had been hot, long and miserable for Lorraine and Zahn Tapola. Determined to make a better life, they had loaded a wagon with their household and Zahn’s tools and, headed for California, knowing an experienced sawyer and woodsman would not be unemployed in the settlements out west. Their marriage, she a Lutheran outsider, had not gone down well with his strict Lithuanian, and Catholic, family. But Zahn was her choice and she knew in her heart that she would never regret marrying a stubborn, hard-nosed timber beast, as woodsmen were called in his family. Knowing they were right, though, did not ease the jolts of the torn up road nor clear the clouds of deer flies, mosquitoes and every other irritating bug God had created to torment mules. Determined to bring his trained team, and owning a good wagon to haul the cumbersome tools of his trade; whip-saws, bow-saws, buck-saws; axes, wedges and hones, and the complicated machinery of a pit sawing machine, they had forgone the available railways.
    Their persistence delivered them to Fort Laramie the last week in July. Zahn hauled the tired mules to a stop in front of the sutler’s store and got off. Both were anxious to find out if a supply train headed west could be expected any time soon. He scrambled nimbly down the wheel and hopped to the ground. With a wink at Lori; he never called her Lorraine, he turned to go.
    “If you think I’m sittin’ here for one more minute with this wagon stopped you’re choppin’ a punky log,” she said. Without waiting, Lori gathered her skirts and swung a leg over the side.
    Zahn reached up, caught her waist and lifted her easily to the ground. “Guess I wasn’t thinking. Let me get the anchors and I’ll tether the mules. Go ahead in. I think that’s the telegraph office just over there.” He pointed across the compound. “They’re supposed to know where most of the large trains are. I won’t be very long.”

    Lori didn’t see the only two customers in the store as she pushed the door shut and peered around curiously. She was slightly built but there was a toughness about her that showed as she walked directly up to the man standing behind a low counter.
    “Ma’am. You look like a new face. Welcome to Fort Laramie,” he said.
    “We are. On our way to California or Oregon. We’re from Wisconsin.”
    “Hmm. Don’t see many folks from Wisconsin. Did you drive from there?”
    “Yes. It’s been a hot-awful trip. We’re here to see if we could join a supply train or something goin’ west.”
    “You just missed one by ---let’s see--- nine days. There’s not much pilgrim travel anymore but plenty of freight and supply trains. I expect there’ll be another group along in a week or so.”
    “Oh good, I’m pleased to hear that. I’m gonna look around.”
    “Help yourself.” The sutler left the store through the door at the end of the room.
    She still hadn’t seen the other customers, two soldiers, one tall and slim, the other shorter. They grinned at each other and nodded in Lori’s direction and then stood up from the bench by the window.
    “Howdy, Miss. Heard ol’ T.P. say you was new.”
    “Oh!” Lori gasped, “you startled me.” She turned from the counter and the bolts of cloth she had been admiring.
    “That yer family’s wagon settin’ outside?” The skinny soldier grinned at her. She noticed his lower jaw didn’t want to line up with the upper.
    “Why, yes. We just arrived from the east.”
    “Yer old man let ya go off alone like this reg’lar?” the short man asked. He moved to her right and glanced toward the door where T.P. had gone.
    “I’m not alone, he’s just outside and he’ll be right in.” Lori eyed them coldly.
    “Thought I saw someone walk across to the telegraph office,” said Shorty. “That be him?”
    “I’ll thank you to leave me alone,” she said and attempted to walk between them.
    Skinny put out his arm. “Not very friendly.”
    She backed as far as she could against the counter, looked down at his arm and then up at his face. “I don’t mean to be. Let me by.”
    With his arm still extended, Skinny moved closer and looked directly at her bosom. Instinctually, she folded one arm across it and reached behind her back to grip the counter for support. Her hand felt the cold steel of a pair of shears. Then, suddenly, Shorty stepped closer and grabbed her by the waist, roughly pulling her chest against his. The reek from several weeks’ accumulation of sweat and spilled whiskey assaulted her nose. He turned to press his face against her neck.
    The scissors flashed past Skinny’s face and the points disappeared into the thick muscle of Shorty’s back.
    “Gawdamn!” he roared as the pain shocked his brain. He stooped over and pawed at the shears that flopped around with his every movement. “Gawdamn you, b!tch. Ow, get ‘em out.”
    Skinny looked at his partner and then at Lori. His teeth attempted to clinch as anger set in; the resulting look was almost pitiful. “Crazy wh0re,” he sputtered as he reached for her arm.
    The door crashed open.
    “Zahn!”
    He was across the floor in two strides and his balled fist caught the left side of Skinny’s head with a resounding crack. Skinny went to the floor.
    “What’n hell’s goin’ on in here?” shouted T.P. as he charged into the room.
    “Get this outta me,” wailed Shorty. Hunched over, he headed toward T.P. and just as he got to him the scissors came out and clattered to the floor. T.P. stared at the blood soaked tool for a moment, then at Shorty and finally at Lori.
    “Did he---“
    “He grabbed me and tried to kiss me,” she said matter-of-factly, “and I stuck him with the scissors.”
    “What about him?” He pointed at Skinny, now cowering at Zahn’s feet.
    “He helped.”
    “Did they hurt you?”
    “No. I’m all right, but the little sh!t was starting to irritate me.” Her hand flew to her mouth, her eyes wide.
    “Mister?” T.P. looked at Zahn closely for the first time.
    “I’m her husband. Just get ‘em out a here. You,” He prodded Skinny with his boot. “Get up---now!”
    Skinny stood up and stepped away from Zahn. “We didn’t know she was married.”
    “Get the hell out, ya stupid basturd. Married or not, a man doesn’t do that to a woman.” He started toward the two of them and they scurried out the broken door, Shorty whining about his arm and Skinny snarling at him to shut up. Zahn put his arm around Lori’s shoulder. She felt small under the big plaid covered arm.
    “I’m sorry ma’am,” the sutler said. “Some of the soldiers aren’t the best examples. Please accept my apologies.”
    “It’s all right. I didn’t feel like I was in danger. I was raised waiting tables in my father’s restaurant in Milwaukee. I handled one like that a couple of times a week. I’m just sorry one had to get stuck. I tried to hit where he was solid.”
    “He got what he deserved. And again, I apologize.” He looked at Zahn. “Did you find out what you needed to know, Mister? My name’s Triffett, folks call me T.P.” He stuck out his hand.
    “I’m Zahn Tapola and this is my wife, Lori. We’re from Wisconsin.

    (Of course, that's all with a nod to Lori and Zap and another board member.)

    Clouder..

    Edited by: whiteclouder at: 1/21/03 10:30:44 am


    warpig883
    *TFF Staff*
    Posts: 5943
    (1/21/03 10:30:13 am)
    Reply
    Re: A Shy Lori? Not! (A long post)
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    choppin a punky log I liked it

    Ignorance is a crime in 49 states. In the other one it is bliss.


    ysacres
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 590
    (1/21/03 11:19:09 am)
    Reply Re: A Shy Lori? Not! (A long post)
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    Clouder
    I always enjoy reading paragraphs from your books, I vagley remember parts of the frist book over at X Four years ago.

    Title & Publisher ???????

    Keep up the good work
    X gets the firearms flying fickle finger of fate award!


    ruffitt
    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 1388
    (1/21/03 12:12:43 pm)
    Reply
    Re: A Shy Lori? Not! (A long post)
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    Good account of a couple of great people. Their real life personas are as you describe them in your fictional excerpt.

    Great job Clouder.


    whiteclouder
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 338
    (1/21/03 5:39:05 pm)
    Reply ysacres
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    I fly to Seattle this weekend to see my agent Monday. I don't have any idea what publisher(s) she means to approach. I do know, however, she is affiliated with a production company that trades in movie rights and has encouraged me all along to keep the image of my story on the screen in the back of my mind as I write.

    There is no limit to what can occur if diligence is applied and you run into a little luck.

    Clouder..


    Smokin Guns
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 689
    (1/21/03 6:17:38 pm)
    Reply Well O.K.!...
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    I reckon it was a kinda good story...I still would have liked to have played the role of a "Josey Wales" type character and really abused "Skinny" and "Shorty"(BTW, What board members is they?)...and also what do the initials T.P. stand for...


    whiteclouder
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 339
    (1/21/03 8:29:05 pm)
    Reply Re: Well O.K.!...
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    smokin:

    Zap and Lori gave me permission to use their names verbatim. The other characters have not, so I really shouldn't divulge their real names. Bear in mind that the caricatures are exactly, that drawn from impressions I've garnered by talking to them on various forums. I know none of these people personally. A couple of members have actually read the full manuscript, the first draft. Now those are a couple of courageous people.

    Clouder..


    Smokin Guns
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 696
    (1/21/03 8:37:41 pm)
    Reply Ya Know...
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    I've read a lot of "Timberbeast" 's posts...and that yung'un don't do to bad when it comes to writing,typing and spelling...


    armedandsafe
    Member
    Posts: 33
    (1/21/03 8:59:13 pm)
    Reply Re: Ya Know...
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    Lori sure reminds me of my older sister, but she wouldn't have stabbed him in the meaty part. She'd have gone abit lower and twisted.

    Armed and Safe - not just a theory


    TallTLynn
    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 5391
    (1/21/03 9:06:53 pm)
    Reply
    Re: Well O.K.!...
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    Good read whiteclouder and you've portrayed Zap and Lori to a tee!

    As ruffitt said those two are definitely like that - plus they are about the bestest friends one could ask for (well except for Tye, ruffitt and of course shooter22 - along with a few others).
    &lt;a href=&quot;http://www.wunderground.com/US/ID/Boise.html&quot;&gt;<br> &lt;img src=&quot;http://banners.wunderground.com/banner/gizmotimetempbig_both/language/www/US/ID/Boise.gif&quot;<br> alt=&quot;Click for Boise, Idaho Forecast&quot; height=40 width=467&gt;&lt;/a&gt;<br>


    Ms Beast
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 220
    (1/22/03 12:21:00 am)
    Reply Re: Ya Know...
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    Thanks, 'Clouder. It is fun to read that again! Yes, I may have aimed a bit lower but it depends on the angle...hehe. I think I know who the other people are.........nah, nah, nah! I won't tell unless they say it is okay though!

    I can't wait to be able to get an autographed copy of the book!!

    I really am shy, just ask T!!!

    Ruffitt, now look what ya did, I can't just read anymore or people will think I am lurking!!!


    Smokin Guns
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 702
    (1/22/03 9:10:37 pm)
    Reply Hey!
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    ...Hmmmmph!...I still wanna be "The Outlaw Josey Wales"....


    LIKTOSHOOT
    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 6862
    (1/22/03 9:38:13 pm)
    Reply Re: Hey!
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    "I`m the reason Santa even has a naughty list"


    Smokin Guns
    V.I.P. Member
    Posts: 704
    (1/22/03 9:41:12 pm)
    Reply Dam...
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    I know'd it was you!...but is ya "Skinny" or "Shorty"....


    LIKTOSHOOT
    *TFF Senior Staff*
    Posts: 6864
    (1/22/03 9:51:11 pm)
    Reply Re: Dam...
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    Neither/Nither
     
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