Apology to a Mugger

Discussion in 'The Beau Coupe Dien Cai Dau Hootch' started by berto64, Jan 16, 2009.

  1. berto64

    berto64 Active Member

    Jan 31, 2001
    Owyhee County, Idaho
    To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )

    I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you
    demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and
    my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and
    earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message.

    I'd like to apologize.

    I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after
    you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a
    reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my
    girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for
    Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it
    that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating
    weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

    I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to
    wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in
    your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up
    leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have
    you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us
    again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as
    you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
    situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your
    shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's,
    along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet
    itself in a dumpster.

    I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be
    on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel
    recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a
    little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that.
    I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about
    to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.
    Oh well.

    So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when
    you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it
    up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like
    to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you
    used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or
    powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead
    making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll
    reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be
    so lucky.

    If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch
    and laundry. Peace! - Alex
  2. Crpdeth

    Crpdeth Well-Known Member

    Apr 23, 2002
    Location location

  3. rooter

    rooter *VMBB Senior Chief Of Staff* Supporting Member

    Jan 31, 2001
    Glendale Arizona
    JEEZ CRIPES, BERTO!!!!!! I haven't laughed this early in a long time---here in the kitchen, all by myself, giggling like a fool....it's a wonder Mary doesn't come out to check on me---she'd ponder what kind of junk I had laced my morning coffee with. I'm going to copy that and mail it around to some of my humor-deprived friends...Oh yes, there will be several who won't see the humor in it that I did, but they are perfectly harmless---one of them don't eat meat, milk, eggs or anything that comes from God's Creatures....Never understood why that professes to make a person better, or more fit, but I can remember a time before Old Slugger was affected that way. I think he voted for Al Gore back when, and then Bush got the seat, and Slug just flew to pieces....Chief