Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by HiSpeed, Jun 22, 2007.

  1. HiSpeed

    HiSpeed New Member

    Jan 8, 2006
    Pace, Florida area

    I have just received your letter in regards to the bill I owe you. You
    said the bill should have been paid long ago and you don't understand
    why it wasn't. Well, I will enlighten you. In 1957 I bought a sawmill
    on credit. In 1959 I bought an ox team, a timber cart and two ponies; a
    shotgun, a wine tester, a Colt revolver and five razorback hogs all on

    In 1960 the sawmill burned down. One of my ponies died and the other I
    loaned to a son-of-a-bitch who starved him to death. In 1961 my father
    died and my mother was hung for horse rustling. A mechanic named Joe
    knocked up my daughter and I had to pay the doctor $88.32 to keep the
    bastard from becoming a relative of mine.

    In 1963 my son had the mumps and they went down on him; the doctor had
    to castrate him to save his life. That summer I went fishing and the boat
    turned over and I lost the biggest catfish you ever saw, and one of my
    sons drowned (not the castrated one).

    In 1966 my wife ran away with another feller and left me with the three
    small children as a souvenir. I married the hired girl to keep down
    expenses, but I had trouble getting her off, and the doctor told me to try
    to create some excitement just as she was beginning to get aroused. That
    night I pointed the shotgun out the window while we were in bed and just
    as she was beginning to orgasm I pulled the trigger. Well, she sh*t the
    bed, I ruptured myself and killed the best damn milk cow I ever had.

    The next year my troubles really started. My wife caught the clap from
    the ice man, my son wiped his ass with a corn cob with poison ivy on it,
    and someone de-nutted my best bull.

    In 1970 I decided to go into another business on my own. I ordered six
    bee hives from Sears, Roebuck, and Company. I bought a swarm of bees and
    a queen bee all on credit on the installment plan. The queen bee died and I
    ordered another one. She turned out to be a whore and started running
    around with a horsefly. The honey tasted like sh*t so I couldn't sell it.

    So now, gentlemen, you say if I do not pay you, you will cause me trouble.
    Right now if it costs two cents to sh*t, I'd have to puke. Getting money
    out of me would be like trying to poke butter up a wildcat's ass with a hot
    trowel, but you are welcome to try.

    Yours for more credit,

    Last edited: Jun 22, 2007
  2. Bruce FLinch

    Bruce FLinch New Member

    Aug 27, 2005
    Bay Point, Kali..aka Gun Point
    More credible than most! :D :D :D

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